Depression Learning

Smiley Kylie (sp: sex, si, abuse and of couse, length)

Question:

Please excuse the total rambling that follows  I got 4 hours solid sleep New Years Eve, and it’s 2am Sunday morning now and I’m really tired. Smiley Kylie. That’s the nickname I earned at a New Years Eve party.  Ironic, huh? Smiley Kylie.  I was smiling and gigling because I was uncomfortable. My friends boyfriend was flirting with my (only jokingly though) and I was totally uncomfortable.  I didn’t know how to react, so I’d either ignore it, or laugh and say "Rob, you’re insane!" and turn away.  He kept leaning down to whisper things in my ear.  Most were requests for me to have sex with him, or to join him and Wendy – my friend, his girlfriend – in a threesome.  He was kidding, but I still didn’t know how to react.  I got this really uncomfortable, tingly feeling down my spine whenever he leaned towards me like that.  I always get like that when someone gets too close to me, like kissing me (even on the cheek – I just stand there, I can’t kiss them back) or hugging me (I can hug, but I’m really uncomfortable.  I do it so rarely, I feel like I’m doing it wrong or something!)  I feel like someone kissing me or hugging me will be able to tell that I’m doing things differently, or that I’ve been taught how a long time ago.  I don’t get hugged or kissed by my parents, and I resist hugs from friends, so the only real practice I got was when I was with David.  Any physical contact reminds me of that.  I suppose it’s a personal space thing or something like that. I was ok when Rob was just talking platonically to me.  He was asking me questions about have I smoked dope?  Am I available? and Have I ever been picked up by the police?, which I uncomfortably answered.  I seemed like such a stick-in-the-mud because I was one of the only people there who stayed sober, because I wasn’t all over someone, and beccause I hadn’t lead the wild life he had.  I tried to laugh at the right times, and smile at the right times, and do all the socially acceptable stuff.  I’m glad I didn’t get drunk though, because I’m afraid of what I would have said and done.  By the end of the night I was starting to get pretty uncomfortable and a bit depressed, so I think if I was drunk that could have been worse.  I also know that I could easily have started talking about what was on my mind (as one of my friends, who couldn’t even walk straight did), which was the last thing I wanted to do.  I just told them I didn’t want to drink, not that I couldn’t because of meds, and that I was too scared of myself to lose control like that. I’m still getting a few si urges, but I’m not acting on them.  Early this afternoon, I was back at Louise and Daryl’s place (where the party was) because I forgot the folding chair I took with me.  Rob was still there, and he stuck these two, fairly sharp, metal things into my hand, to get a reaction out of me.  I refused to react to the pain, because I’ve done far worse to my self, and wanted to do much more.  I want to find one of the darts lying around here and stab it deep into my right leg.  I want to thrust it in as hard as I can.  I haven’t yet, and I wont.  It’s early Sunday morning now, my time, and I only have to hold out until Wednesday.  I can do that. It didn’t help that I was watching a movie that had a scene with a woman scratching at her wrist on a nail, and with a plastic knife. That triggered me a bit, but I’m ok now.  I still think about it, but it was ok once the movie was over. Anyway, that was my New Years Eve.  I got home at around 2:30 am, because the others at the party were drunk and tired, so I walked home. I was too uncomfortable to sleep in the same house as Rob.  Anyway, the party was only about half a block away from my parents house. Happy New Year everyone, and I hope the year 2000 brings us all the joy and happyness we deserve (and a magic wand to wave this depression away!) My thoughts, love and hugs are with you all.  Your support is what has got me through this year, so I owe you all a lot. (((((((((asd))))))))) Thank you everyone. Kylie. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

Please excuse the total rambling that follows  I got 4 hours solid sleep New Years Eve, and it’s 2am Sunday morning now and I’m really tired. Smiley Kylie. That’s the nickname I earned at a New Years Eve party.  Ironic, huh?

Everyone always thought that I was such a happy person.  Heh. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Smiley Kylie.  I was smiling and gigling because I was uncomfortable. My friends boyfriend was flirting with my (only jokingly though) and I was totally uncomfortable.  I didn’t know how to react, so I’d either ignore it, or laugh and say "Rob, you’re insane!" and turn away.  He kept leaning down to whisper things in my ear.  Most were requests for me to have sex with him, or to join him and Wendy – my friend, his girlfriend – in a threesome.  He was kidding, but I still didn’t know how to react.  I got this really uncomfortable, tingly feeling down my spine whenever he leaned towards me like that.  I always get like that when someone gets too close to me, like kissing me (even on the cheek – I just stand there, I can’t kiss them back) or hugging me (I can hug, but I’m really uncomfortable.  I do it so rarely, I feel like I’m doing it wrong or something!)  I feel like someone kissing me or hugging me will be able to tell that I’m doing things differently, or that I’ve been taught how a long time ago.  I don’t get hugged or kissed by my parents, and I resist hugs from friends, so the only real practice I got was when I was with David.  Any physical contact reminds me of that.  I suppose it’s a personal space thing or something like that.

Kylie, you’ve been through some very harmful abuse.  I don’t find it surprising that you are uncomfortable in hugging or kissing situations. The fact that your parents are "non-physical" doesn’t help.  In time, I think that your fears will ease up, but in the mean time, you have every right to decide who you will hug or kiss.  I always felt awkward in these situations, but it has gotten better.  Genuine hugs are wonderful. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I was ok when Rob was just talking platonically to me.  He was asking me questions about have I smoked dope?  Am I available? and Have I ever been picked up by the police?, which I uncomfortably answered.  I seemed like such a stick-in-the-mud because I was one of the only people there who stayed sober, because I wasn’t all over someone, and beccause I hadn’t lead the wild life he had.  I tried to laugh at the right times, and smile at the right times, and do all the socially acceptable stuff.  I’m glad I didn’t get drunk though, because I’m afraid of what I would have said and done.  By the end of the night I was starting to get pretty uncomfortable and a bit depressed, so I think if I was drunk that could have been worse.  I also know that I could easily have started talking about what was on my mind (as one of my friends, who couldn’t even walk straight did), which was the last thing I wanted to do.  I just told them I didn’t want to drink, not that I couldn’t because of meds, and that I was too scared of myself to lose control like that.

Rob may have been "joking" but I can understand how his behavior would be upsetting to you.  You may have been to shy to say it, but you had every right to ask him to stop.  I’m glad you were able get through it OK. I’m still getting a few si urges, but I’m not acting on them.  Early this afternoon, I was back at Louise and Daryl’s place (where the party was) because I forgot the folding chair I took with me.  Rob was still there, and he stuck these two, fairly sharp, metal things into my hand, to get a reaction out of me.  I refused to react to the pain, because I’ve done far worse to my self, and wanted to do much more.  I want to find one of the darts lying around here and stab it deep into my right leg.  I want to thrust it in as hard as I can.  I haven’t yet, and I wont.  It’s early Sunday morning now, my time, and I only have to hold out until Wednesday.  I can do that. It didn’t help that I was watching a movie that had a scene with a woman scratching at her wrist on a nail, and with a plastic knife. That triggered me a bit, but I’m ok now.  I still think about it, but it was ok once the movie was over.

Aack.  I hope you can put those thoughts away.  It would be great if you could substitute a "self-hug". Anyway, that was my New Years Eve.  I got home at around 2:30 am, because the others at the party were drunk and tired, so I walked home. I was too uncomfortable to sleep in the same house as Rob.  Anyway, the party was only about half a block away from my parents house.

I think it’s great that you got out, and went to the party.  I hope the "good stuff" outweighed the "not-so-good stuff". Happy New Year everyone, and I hope the year 2000 brings us all the joy and happyness we deserve (and a magic wand to wave this depression away!) My thoughts, love and hugs are with you all.  Your support is what has got me through this year, so I owe you all a lot. (((((((((asd))))))))) Thank you everyone. Kylie.

Happy New Year, Kylie.  I wish you love, and laughter.  ..and smiles. ) {{{{{Kylie}}}}} —                     _    bear         _.-’ )                (_ . ‘ __                  __^/` _)                .-’_                   (_.’    ’–.                    /_ /`-._/                   (__/ email: The_bearster_at_aol_dot_com

Response:

kylie, i just wanted to say that i read your post. you are an amazing person. you have great strength in you. i could say, i am proud of you, but currently, those words coming from me would mean not much, due to the fact that i can’t be proud of myself. but, i am happy that you are making progress. congratulations on your achievements, kylie. you rule raven. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Please excuse the total rambling that follows  I got 4 hours solid sleep New Years Eve, and it’s 2am Sunday morning now and I’m really tired. Smiley Kylie. That’s the nickname I earned at a New Years Eve party.  Ironic, huh? Smiley Kylie.  I was smiling and gigling because I was uncomfortable. My friends boyfriend was flirting with my (only jokingly though) and I was totally uncomfortable.  I didn’t know how to react, so I’d either ignore it, or laugh and say "Rob, you’re insane!" and turn away.  He kept leaning down to whisper things in my ear.  Most were requests for me to have sex with him, or to join him and Wendy – my friend, his girlfriend – in a threesome.  He was kidding, but I still didn’t know how to react.  I got this really uncomfortable, tingly feeling down my spine whenever he leaned towards me like that.  I always get like that when someone gets too close to me, like kissing me (even on the cheek – I just stand there, I can’t kiss them back) or hugging me (I can hug, but I’m really uncomfortable.  I do it so rarely, I feel like I’m doing it wrong or something!)  I feel like someone kissing me or hugging me will be able to tell that I’m doing things differently, or that I’ve been taught how a long time ago.  I don’t get hugged or kissed by my parents, and I resist hugs from friends, so the only real practice I got was when I was with David.  Any physical contact reminds me of that.  I suppose it’s a personal space thing or something like that. I was ok when Rob was just talking platonically to me.  He was asking me questions about have I smoked dope?  Am I available? and Have I ever been picked up by the police?, which I uncomfortably answered.  I seemed like such a stick-in-the-mud because I was one of the only people there who stayed sober, because I wasn’t all over someone, and beccause I hadn’t lead the wild life he had.  I tried to laugh at the right times, and smile at the right times, and do all the socially acceptable stuff.  I’m glad I didn’t get drunk though, because I’m afraid of what I would have said and done.  By the end of the night I was starting to get pretty uncomfortable and a bit depressed, so I think if I was drunk that could have been worse.  I also know that I could easily have started talking about what was on my mind (as one of my friends, who couldn’t even walk straight did), which was the last thing I wanted to do.  I just told them I didn’t want to drink, not that I couldn’t because of meds, and that I was too scared of myself to lose control like that. I’m still getting a few si urges, but I’m not acting on them.  Early this afternoon, I was back at Louise and Daryl’s place (where the party was) because I forgot the folding chair I took with me.  Rob was still there, and he stuck these two, fairly sharp, metal things into my hand, to get a reaction out of me.  I refused to react to the pain, because I’ve done far worse to my self, and wanted to do much more.  I want to find one of the darts lying around here and stab it deep into my right leg.  I want to thrust it in as hard as I can.  I haven’t yet, and I wont.  It’s early Sunday morning now, my time, and I only have to hold out until Wednesday.  I can do that. It didn’t help that I was watching a movie that had a scene with a woman scratching at her wrist on a nail, and with a plastic knife. That triggered me a bit, but I’m ok now.  I still think about it, but it was ok once the movie was over. Anyway, that was my New Years Eve.  I got home at around 2:30 am, because the others at the party were drunk and tired, so I walked home. I was too uncomfortable to sleep in the same house as Rob.  Anyway, the party was only about half a block away from my parents house. Happy New Year everyone, and I hope the year 2000 brings us all the joy and happyness we deserve (and a magic wand to wave this depression away!) My thoughts, love and hugs are with you all.  Your support is what has got me through this year, so I owe you all a lot. (((((((((asd))))))))) Thank you everyone. Kylie. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

–            r  a  v  e  n           /      __  /    ——      / /     (..)/    —–     //////   ‘ / `   —    //// / // :    : —   // /   /  /`    ’–  //          //..         ====UU====UU====               ”“

Response:

(snip) Kylie, honey, if you felt uncomfortable around Rob, it was your instincts telling you the guy is a creep. I’m glad you chose to look after yourself, not drink too much and to get the heck home instead of spending the night there. You did the right thing. You listened to your feelings and acted on them. And you kept yourself *safe*. That matters a lot to your friends on asd. If you keep going the way you’ve been going lately, we’re going to have to change your nick to "Mighty Mouse". — Tara Ballance Montreal, Canada

Response:

Please excuse the total rambling that follows  I got 4 hours solid sleep New Years Eve, and it’s 2am Sunday morning now and I’m really tired.

I hope you get loads of rest. Smiley Kylie.

It rhymes. That’s the nickname I earned at a New Years Eve party.  Ironic, huh?

yes. Smiley Kylie.  I was smiling and gigling because I was uncomfortable.

*nodnod* I do that too. My friends boyfriend was flirting with my (only jokingly though) and I was totally uncomfortable.  I didn’t know how to react, so I’d either ignore it, or laugh and say "Rob, you’re insane!" and turn away.

*nodnod* – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – He kept leaning down to whisper things in my ear.  Most were requests for me to have sex with him, or to join him and Wendy – my friend, his girlfriend – in a threesome.  He was kidding, but I still didn’t know how to react.  I got this really uncomfortable, tingly feeling down my spine whenever he leaned towards me like that.  I always get like that when someone gets too close to me, like kissing me (even on the cheek – I just stand there, I can’t kiss them back) or hugging me (I can hug, but I’m really uncomfortable.  I do it so rarely, I feel like I’m doing it wrong or something!)  I feel like someone kissing me or hugging me will be able to tell that I’m doing things differently, or that I’ve been taught how a long time ago.  I don’t get hugged or kissed by my parents, and I resist hugs from friends, so the only real practice I got was when I was with David.  Any physical contact reminds me of that.  I suppose it’s a personal space thing or something like that.

I wish he wouldn’t have leaned in like that. You have a right to your personal space. ((((((((Kylie))))))))) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I was ok when Rob was just talking platonically to me.  He was asking me questions about have I smoked dope?  Am I available? and Have I ever been picked up by the police?, which I uncomfortably answered.  I seemed like such a stick-in-the-mud because I was one of the only people there who stayed sober, because I wasn’t all over someone, and beccause I hadn’t lead the wild life he had.  I tried to laugh at the right times, and smile at the right times, and do all the socially acceptable stuff.  I’m glad I didn’t get drunk though, because I’m afraid of what I would have said and done.  By the end of the night I was starting to get pretty uncomfortable and a bit depressed, so I think if I was drunk that could have been worse.  I also know that I could easily have started talking about what was on my mind (as one of my friends, who couldn’t even walk straight did), which was the last thing I wanted to do.  I just told them I didn’t want to drink, not that I couldn’t because of meds, and that I was too scared of myself to lose control like that.

((((((((((((((((Kylie)))))))))))))))))))))) I know what you mean. I’m sorry it was so uncomfortable for you. I don’t like the sounds of this guy. I’m still getting a few si urges, but I’m not acting on them.

GOOD! I hope you don’t act on them. I’m here if you need to chat. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Early this afternoon, I was back at Louise and Daryl’s place (where the party was) because I forgot the folding chair I took with me.  Rob was still there, and he stuck these two, fairly sharp, metal things into my hand, to get a reaction out of me.  I refused to react to the pain, because I’ve done far worse to my self, and wanted to do much more.  I want to find one of the darts lying around here and stab it deep into my right leg.  I want to thrust it in as hard as I can.  I haven’t yet, and I wont.  It’s early Sunday morning now, my time, and I only have to hold out until Wednesday.  I can do that.

(((((((((((((((Kylie)))))))))))))))))))) Hang in there. It didn’t help that I was watching a movie that had a scene with a woman scratching at her wrist on a nail, and with a plastic knife. That triggered me a bit, but I’m ok now.  I still think about it, but it was ok once the movie was over.

I’m glad you’re okay. Not a good movie to watch. Anyway, that was my New Years Eve.  I got home at around 2:30 am, because the others at the party were drunk and tired, so I walked home.

(((((((((((Kylie)))))))))))))))) I was too uncomfortable to sleep in the same house as Rob.

*NODNOD* I would be, too. I’m glad you didn’t. Anyway, the party was only about half a block away from my parents house.

That’s good. Happy New Year everyone, and I hope the year 2000 brings us all the joy and happyness we deserve (and a magic wand to wave this depression away!)

Hear Hear! My thoughts, love and hugs are with you all.  Your support is what has got me through this year, so I owe you all a lot.

Thank YOU for being there for us as well. (((((((((asd)))))))))

((((((((((Kylie))))))))))) Thank you everyone.

Lots of love. Kylie. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Rj * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

He kept leaning down to whisper things in my ear.  Most were requests for me to have sex with him, or to join him and Wendy – my friend, his girlfriend – in a threesome.

stay away from this guy, kylie. He was kidding, but I still didn’t know how to react.

he was not necessarily kidding. i’ve known this type of person before. they say things in a kidding way to test the waters. that way, if people react badly, they can always fall back on, "jeez, don’t take things so seriously". I was ok when Rob was just talking platonically to me.  He was asking me questions about have I smoked dope?  Am I available? and Have I ever been picked up by the police?, which I uncomfortably answered.

stay away from him. this is getting scarier and scarier. I’m glad I didn’t get drunk though, because I’m afraid of what I would have said and done.

good for you. I just told them I didn’t want to drink, not that I couldn’t because of meds, and that I was too scared of myself to lose control like that.

good for you II Rob was still there, and he stuck these two, fairly sharp, metal things into my hand, to get a reaction out of me.

what the hell? tell your friend she’s going on with a jerk. in any case (if you didn’t hear me before) stay away from him. Happy New Year everyone, and I hope the year 2000 brings us all the joy and happyness we deserve (and a magic wand to wave this depression away!)

same to you kylie. (((((kylie))))) — – Jeff ====== Before you buy.

Response:

Everyone always thought that I was such a happy person.  Heh.

Yep, it’s the same for me.  I’m always laughing and gigling at people, but I don’t really get into the situations.  I always stay at a slight distance, always in control.  People only seem to notice that I’m uptight, serious and that I don’t relax.  They don’t realise that behaviour is driven by fear.  I suppose those who haven’t experienced what I have can’t understand why I react the way I do.  That’s understandable.  I shouldn’t be angry about that. Kylie, you’ve been through some very harmful abuse.  I don’t find it surprising that you are uncomfortable in hugging or kissing situations. The fact that your parents are "non-physical" doesn’t help.  In time, I think that your fears will ease up, but in the mean time, you have every right to decide who you will hug or kiss.  I always felt awkward in these situations, but it has gotten better.  Genuine hugs are wonderful.

I don’t feel wonderful when I’m hugged.  I tense up and feel strange. I can’t enjoy it.  I hope it gets better eventually.  I want to be able to enjoy things like that sometime.  If I can’t, of course I’ll never have a relationship.  I’ll never be able to enjoy that part of life. Rob may have been "joking" but I can understand how his behavior would be upsetting to you.  You may have been to shy to say it, but you had every right to ask him to stop.  I’m glad you were able get through it OK.

I can never tell if I am over reacting to things like that.  I know I am more sensitive about these things than most people.  I didn’t want to react, make a scene and draw attention to the fact that I am different to others.  I was scared.  One of the scariest things was that when Rob (as a joke) reached out and slapped me on the butt, I just froze.  He laughed that he thought I would have slapped him, and I laughed that I almost did, but the truth is that I didn’t even think of it.  I was just frozen.  I wasn’t thinking, wasn’t moving and wasn’t feeling.  I remember nothing about how I reacted.  I always told myself that if I was ever in that situation again, I could fight or talk my way out of it.  That I could do something, the way I couldn’t when I was younger.  I doubt that sometimes, but my therp keeps reminding me that I’m not little and helpless like I was then.  I’m an adult now, and I can look after myself.  I’m scared, because that was proved wrong Friday night.  I guess it will take a while to work through that. Aack.  I hope you can put those thoughts away.  It would be great if you could substitute a "self-hug".

Unfortunatly, I’ve been working fairly unsuccessfully at being more "self nurturing".  I try, but naturally my instinct is to be critical and harsh towards myself.  That’s an old habit that I’m fighting to change.  If I knew how to give a "self-hug", I would. Happy New Year, Kylie.  I wish you love, and laughter.  ..and smiles. ) {{{{{Kylie}}}}}

Thanks Bryan.  You deserve all those things too.  You’ve been wonderful to me. (((((((((Bryan))))))))) Kylie. —                     _    bear         _.-’ )                (_ . ‘ __                  __^/` _)                .-’_                   (_.’    ’–.                    /_ /`-._/                   (__/ email: The_bearster_at_aol_dot_com

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Response:

Kylie, honey, if you felt uncomfortable around Rob, it was your instincts telling you the guy is a creep.

I don’t know whether I should trust my instincts.  I over react to so many things.  I see the world as a dangerous place, and it makes me afraid of everything.  If I ignore my instincts, I’m not afraid of the little things, but I know I’m putting myself at risk, and that scares me.  I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Seriously, when he wasn’t being sexual, he seemed like a nice guy. That was the most time I’ve spent talking to him.  Maybe it was the atmosphere, but I was surprisingly more relaxed about talking to him than I had been in the past.  I was awkward, but not as scared as I have been.  Maybe I am over-exaggerating what happened. Maybe my experiences (which I could be exaggerating too) have made me see things as being bad or dangerous when they really aren’t.  Perhaps I’m doing that here. It’s strange, my first instincts after I left the party were that I’d had a reasonably good time.  The more time that passed (even just a few minutes while I was walking home and when I was going to bed), the more critical of what happened I became.  I viewed everything in a different light.  I don’t know which is right.  Was I right at the time, or is it as I wound down from the whole adrenaline thing of being at the party, around so many people, that my interpretation of my night was best?  I don’t expect an answer, and I don’t even totally understand the question. I’m glad you chose to look after yourself, not drink too much and to get the heck home instead of spending the night there. You did the right thing. You listened to your feelings and acted on them. And you kept yourself *safe*.

Did I?  Or did I just let my unreasonable fears get the better of me again? That matters a lot to your friends on asd.

Thanks you. If you keep going the way you’ve been going lately, we’re going to have to change your nick to "Mighty Mouse".

lol.  I have thought about changing my nick, but I don’t know what I’d change it too. Thanks for your response Tara, you’ve given me a lot to think about. Kylie. — Tara Ballance Montreal, Canada

* Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Kylie, honey, if you felt uncomfortable around Rob, it was your instincts telling you the guy is a creep. I don’t know whether I should trust my instincts.  I over react to so many things.  I see the world as a dangerous place, and it makes me afraid of everything.  If I ignore my instincts, I’m not afraid of the little things, but I know I’m putting myself at risk, and that scares me.  I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Seriously, when he wasn’t being sexual, he seemed like a nice guy. That was the most time I’ve spent talking to him.  Maybe it was the atmosphere, but I was surprisingly more relaxed about talking to him than I had been in the past.  I was awkward, but not as scared as I have been.  Maybe I am over-exaggerating what happened. Maybe my experiences (which I could be exaggerating too) have made me see things as being bad or dangerous when they really aren’t.  Perhaps I’m doing that here.

Nope, mousie, sexual predators very often are charming fellows when they aren’t being violent rapists. It’s part of their cover, part of their toolkit. He can’t be a bad guy because everyone thinks he’s such a good guy. So if you perceived that he was a nice guy except when he was being sexual, then you were wise to keep him at arm’s length. I’m glad you chose to look after yourself, not drink too much and to get the heck home instead of spending the night there. You did the right thing. You listened to your feelings and acted on them. And you kept yourself *safe*. Did I?  Or did I just let my unreasonable fears get the better of me again?

Again, nope. Fear can be a very good thing. It makes us look after ourselves. If you avoid a potentially harmful situation because of your fears, then your fears are ***very*** reasonable. Look at it *this* way. Which will cause you more pain in the long run? To be overly cautious and wish you hadn’t been or not to be cautious at all and wish you had? A lot of us who were molested learned from that to ignore our instincts even when they were *screaming* at us that something was wrong wrong wrong. *You*, on the other hand, are being *more* cautious, and that is a very good thing. You might miss out on some fun that way, but you will avoid a lot more pain too. — Tara Ballance Montreal, Canada

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he was not necessarily kidding. i’ve known this type of person before. they say things in a kidding way to test the waters. that way, if people react badly, they can always fall back on, "jeez, don’t take things so seriously".

I see your point. Rob was still there, and he stuck these two, fairly sharp, metal things into my hand, to get a reaction out of me. what the hell? tell your friend she’s going on with a jerk. in any case (if you didn’t hear me before) stay away from him.

I didn’t explain that very well.  We were mucking around with this thing that was supposed to give us a small electric shock, but when we couldn’t get a shock out if it, we were sticking it on our tongues the way you do with a battery – but this wasn’t nearly as strong.  Once we had all done that, Rob got the device back (it was his in the first place) and he pressed the pointy metal ends into Traceys upper arm.  It didn’t break the skin or anything, but she cried out and pulled away. He then reached over and grabbed my hand, and pressed the points into the back of my hand.  Again, it didn’t break the skin, so he pressed a little harder, trying to get a reaction out of me.  I refused to make a sound or pull away, and it still didn’t bleed or anything serious, so he stopped. Then again, even when I explain it like that, I guess it still sounds a little weird….perhaps I should listen to you Jeff Thanks for your advice.  I’ll certainly keep it in mind. Kylie. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

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I keep waiting for someone else to say this, but since no one else has, I will.  It seems to me that part of why you were uncomfortable was because his behavior really wasn’t appropriate.  *I* would have been uncomfortable with someone doing that, and I don’t have nearly the issues that you do.  "Just kidding" is a cover for a lot of uncomfortable behavior. I don’t know; you were there, and you know these people.  But still, your discomfort seems really normal to me. Nina

Thanks Nina,  I need to do a "reality check" quite often.  It’s nice to know that the way I reacted is fairly normal.  Everyones strong negative reactions to this guy makes me think that maybe I’m not being so silly after all in being hesitant around him. Kylie. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

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You’re right, Tara.  I know I’m better to be safe than sorry. I never thought of Rob as a "sexual preditor" but since you and several others, (Jeff having such a strong opinion, since he’s male had a large impact on me too) have seen him this way, I can see your point. I’ll try to keep away from him, or at least not be alone with him if I am around him.  I don’t know if I’m totally justified in being so wary of him, but you’re right when you say the consequences of being wary are much better than the consequences of not being so cautious. Thanks Tara.  It helps a lot to hear from someone else with fairly similar experiences. Kylie. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

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kylie, i just wanted to say that i read your post. you are an amazing person. you have great strength in you. i could say, i am proud of you, but currently, those words coming from me would mean not much, due to the fact that i can’t be proud of myself. but, i am happy that you are making progress. congratulations on your achievements, kylie. you rule

Thanks raven.  Your words to mean a lot to me.  I’m trying to creep forward, and hopefully I’m going the right way. You rule too Keep fighting, and I hope you are able to get all the help you need. Kylie. raven. —            r  a  v  e  n       /      __  /    ——      / /     (..)/    —–     //////   ‘ / `   —    //// / // :    : —   // /   /  /`    ’–  //          //..         ====UU====UU====               ”“

* Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

Thanks for your support RJ. I don’t know if Rob is as bad as I’ve made him sound here, but I guess I’m better to be careful and safe, than take a risk and be very sorry. As I said, thanks for supporting me.  It’s great to know you’re out there. Kylie. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

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