okay so this is what happened to me last week
Question:
thanx heaps hon well at the moment i cant do much but rest im so tired… but its good to be home and safe. went manic today, that was weird, i guess its all a reaction, i was numb again after therapy, its like its all too much for my little mind to take in… big hugs m Hi m, I’m so sorry to hear about all this. I know how difficult it can be to deal with such family situations. You have had so many other things to put up with without having to so unfairly go through this nightmare. I hope you are able to get some rest now that you are back. Hugs, Bonnie
– ~~~~~~<:~~~~~~ iriXx " you can try the best you can you can try the best you can …the best you can is good enough" radiohead: optomistic
Response:
Hi m, I’m so sorry to hear about all this. I know how difficult it can be to deal with such family situations. You have had so many other things to put up with without having to so unfairly go through this nightmare. I hope you are able to get some rest now that you are back. Hugs, Bonnie
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hi all im home. heh, long story. went up north to see my family, to stay in the cottage my father has, cos my stepmother asked me to help, because she thought my bro Alex was self harming… and to supposedly get some rest from the mini breakdown depressive episode i’ve been having…. well well well. managed to talk to alex, that was cool. we have a special friendship, i call him my brother even though he’s half-brother. my bro william im also very very close to. alex and i had lots of chats about depression, yes he was SH’ing, i reccomended he can talk to the local doctor, who i went to see, she’s excellent and a great listener, and he’s old enough he can make his own appointment, noone needs to know why. well then. i had to let veronica (my stepmother) know, because she’d asked me up there specifically to help. so she gets depressed…. things get moody…. my father finds me on friday night with the cat, hiding away from everyone in private in a corner of the dining room while everyone was upstairs, having a little cry cos i’ve been down… and he launches into me and tears strips off me, says i’m invading his family’s space (err hello, like im a hanger on from a previous marriage that he doesnt want around, hey im his first child you know)… accused me of all sortsa false shit like dumping my problems on veronica and making her depressed (i think what she was depressed about was alex, but she was too frightened to tell dad about alex cos he’d go apeshit, so she lied and told him it was me)… told me i was using them (which i’ve never done!) says i gotta get out… like Now! so he shouted at me, i shouted back "how dare you speak to me like that"… i hyperventilated…. and okay, this is scary shit now…. i said, im hyperventilating, can you get me a paper bag… my father is medically trained, he’s a pharmacologist… dont know if he was thinking straight or unconciously something was going on… gonna talk to my therapist about that one on Wednesday… so i had the presence of mind to say, take that away it will suffocate me, get me a glass of water… i calmed down and said, right, now lets talk about this like sensible adults shall we? and i asserted myself. proper assertiveness techniques like i’ve learnt from my 3 years of therapy. calm but firm. said i had only helped and helped while i was up there, at a time when my health was extremely fragile. that i’d never taken advantage, never assumed, and asked him where he was getting this information from about me dumping my problems on veronica, because i’d always asked her if it was okay, if she needed space… he had no argument against the truth…. it was strange to see my bully of a father cowering in a corner like a child, it frightened me to see the effect the truth had on him… we talked, had a hug and i left for the cottage which i was borrowing… next morning veronica isnt speaking to me. she wants me out. i was waiting for a hospital psychiatrist to visit me, because i realy felt i needed hospitalisation, i was frightened to stay there any longer and i couldnt make the journey home, my head was cracking up…. couldnt meet him there… she said i couldnt… so i said id make my own way to the hospital… left veronica a long letter stating what i’d said to dad, and saying i’d always valued our friendship and would miss everyone very much. then i walked out. phoned up the local vicar and his wife, cos i went to her for counselling once, they took me to theirs for a cuppa tea and i explained all, they werent suprised, they said yes we know about your father, we can just see it, then drove me to the bus stop and i got the bus home. so i probably wont see my father again for a long time. i was glad to have a chance to say goodbye to my brothers in private, i said to them, you might have heard the argument last night, i dont know really what i’ve done wrong, i’ve always tried to do whats right, but its stuff between dad and me, its not your fault, whatever you do, dont get involved, dont try to defend me… im sorry that i probably wont be back for some time, but you know my email address and phone number, you can contact me any time…. and we had a big hug. the youngest, William, overheard the whole argument between me and my dad, im scared of the effect it has had on him… alex, the eldest, he was really understanding, he suffers a lot from my father too who basicaly treats people as emotional punching bags when he’s had a bad day. he had to sack two people on friday, was busy over the weekend and found me at a low and vulnerable and decided to verbally kick the living daylights outta me. as my friend hilary said to me, it might have been better if he’d physically kicked me, the scars would have healed sooner… 
///… he’s done this to me all my life and i just was powerless to do anything but take it. i think the reason veronica shut down and kicked me out too, when she’s always defended me, is that she’s frightened of him too. i suspect that he hit my mum, just based on things i’ve uncovered in therapy, and i suspect he might have hit her too. it wasnt just me he tore strips off that week, he laid into alex , william and veronica several times before… veronica described our argument as "that was an appaling performance" … and in my letter i said well, i’ve seen that sort of performance several times this week, and all i did in the argument was to state the truth, very simply and calmly. im now worn out, exhausted. the emotional exhaustion has hit. the pain hasnt yet. im sad to leave my brothers, in particular. and im sad because veronica was always a trusted friend, but she turned on me, she can be a real bitch if she wants to, but she’s never been like that to me before. i think she was genuinely so scared of accepting the truth that her family needs serious help , that she shut down and used me as a scapegoat rather than face the truth. all in all it wasnt what i needed when i’d been invited there to rest after having a major depressive episode the last couple of weeks. i dont feel anything yet, anger, pain or anything, only mildly. it’ll hit soon though. so if im quiet… its that im exhausted and dealing with a lot of shite on top of my breakdown (which was due to other reasons, going outta my head with loneliness in london basically). i do feel strangely empowered… my therapist told me it would be like this when i learned to be assertive in a positive way… and i know my father will be unlikely to try that sorta trick on me again. in any case if we meet again it will be on my terms and on neutral territory. got that song going through my head "dont come around here no more"… cant remember who it was by, possibly an aussie band…. im wary, the emotion will hit soon, and the grief…. just gotta take it easy… got very little energy, physically i can hardly move… but i wanted to spill this all out before i go to sleep to let you know where i’ve been and why i’ve been silent…. it fucking sucks. my father betrayed all the confidence i’d built in sharing my BP with him, he referred to my "personal and psychological problems"… as if i was some kinda psycho hanger on moneygrabber from his first marriage who should just get the hell out… i pointed out i have never asked for a cent from him, i have always gratefully received when he has given, but i have never *ever* taken anything for granted, i just dont do that…. fuck it…. sorry, i’ll stop there… am tired.. hugs to you all and thanx for being there & listening m — ~~~~~<:~~~~~ iriXx "sometimes i get overcharged… that’s when you see sparks you ask me where the hell i’m going at a thousand feet per second…" radiohead: the tourist
Response:
thanx hon need all the hugs i can get right now i can hardly move im so drained by it all kinda had a breakdown i think hugs m – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – sorry you’re having a hard time 
hugs Zardos. — In Tyler we Trust ! Picture Of The Day At :- http://www.hispc.demon.co.uk/picoftheday/pic.htm Self Harm Page At :- http://www.hispc.demon.co.uk/warning/selfharm.html
– ~~~~~<:~~~~~ iriXx "sometimes i get overcharged… that’s when you see sparks you ask me where the hell i’m going at a thousand feet per second…" radiohead: the tourist
Response:
sorry you’re having a hard time hugs Zardos. — In Tyler we Trust ! Picture Of The Day At :- http://www.hispc.demon.co.uk/picoftheday/pic.htm Self Harm Page At :- http://www.hispc.demon.co.uk/warning/selfharm.html
Response:
thanks so much i need it bad hugs m – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – (((((((((((((((((((((iriXx)))))))))))) Sending + energy your way.
– ~~~~~<:~~~~~ iriXx "sometimes i get overcharged… that’s when you see sparks you ask me where the hell i’m going at a thousand feet per second…" radiohead: the tourist
Response:
thanx heaps… yes, i have been feeling like its my fault. i need people to remind me… its not. thanx so much hugs m – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Don’t treat this as your fault. I know it sucks but what happened to you was the fault of others. Many, many hugs to you….. keep the faith rik — Padded room with a view RWC3
– ~~~~~<:~~~~~ iriXx "sometimes i get overcharged… that’s when you see sparks you ask me where the hell i’m going at a thousand feet per second…" radiohead: the tourist
Response:
(((((((((((((((((((((iriXx)))))))))))) Sending + energy your way.
Response:
thanks heaps hon yes im trying hard to get my strength back, i can hardly move after the shock of it all, its like i’ve physically, mentally and emotionally shut down. i have therapy tomorrow which will help. lotsa hugses m {{{{{m}}}}} I hope you get the rest you deserve and need after this hellride. So sorry your father put you through this and that your stepmother and friend wasn’t strong enough to stand up for you when he did. Luckily *you* were strong enough to stand up for yourself 
))) I’m proud of you! Please hang in there and jsut push this far far away for a while. It’s not you job to reconcile. Just get your balance and strenght back, princess. Warmest hugses, TK
– ~~~~~<:~~~~~ iriXx "sometimes i get overcharged… that’s when you see sparks you ask me where the hell i’m going at a thousand feet per second…" radiohead: the tourist
Response:
thanks hon i needed that hugs m ((((((((((((((((((((M)))))))))))))))))))))))) Goblin hi all im home.
– ~~~~~<:~~~~~ iriXx "sometimes i get overcharged… that’s when you see sparks you ask me where the hell i’m going at a thousand feet per second…" radiohead: the tourist
Response:
{{{{{m}}}}} I hope you get the rest you deserve and need after this hellride. So sorry your father put you through this and that your stepmother and friend wasn’t strong enough to stand up for you when he did. Luckily *you* were strong enough to stand up for yourself ))) I’m proud of you! Please hang in there and jsut push this far far away for a while. It’s not you job to reconcile. Just get your balance and strenght back, princess. Warmest hugses, TK "iriXx" wrote – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hi all im home. heh, long story. went up north to see my family, to stay in the cottage my father has, cos my stepmother asked me to help, because she thought my bro Alex was self harming… and to supposedly get some rest from the mini breakdown depressive episode i’ve been having…. well well well. managed to talk to alex, that was cool. we have a special friendship, i call him my brother even though he’s half-brother. my bro william im also very very close to. alex and i had lots of chats about depression, yes he was SH’ing, i reccomended he can talk to the local doctor, who i went to see, she’s excellent and a great listener, and he’s old enough he can make his own appointment, noone needs to know why. well then. i had to let veronica (my stepmother) know, because she’d asked me up there specifically to help. so she gets depressed…. things get moody…. my father finds me on friday night with the cat, hiding away from everyone in private in a corner of the dining room while everyone was upstairs, having a little cry cos i’ve been down… and he launches into me and tears strips off me, says i’m invading his family’s space (err hello, like im a hanger on from a previous marriage that he doesnt want around, hey im his first child you know)… accused me of all sortsa false shit like dumping my problems on veronica and making her depressed (i think what she was depressed about was alex, but she was too frightened to tell dad about alex cos he’d go apeshit, so she lied and told him it was me)… told me i was using them (which i’ve never done!) says i gotta get out… like Now! so he shouted at me, i shouted back "how dare you speak to me like that"… i hyperventilated…. and okay, this is scary shit now…. i said, im hyperventilating, can you get me a paper bag… my father is medically trained, he’s a pharmacologist… dont know if he was thinking straight or unconciously something was going on… gonna talk to my therapist about that one on Wednesday… so i had the presence of mind to say, take that away it will suffocate me, get me a glass of water… i calmed down and said, right, now lets talk about this like sensible adults shall we? and i asserted myself. proper assertiveness techniques like i’ve learnt from my 3 years of therapy. calm but firm. said i had only helped and helped while i was up there, at a time when my health was extremely fragile. that i’d never taken advantage, never assumed, and asked him where he was getting this information from about me dumping my problems on veronica, because i’d always asked her if it was okay, if she needed space… he had no argument against the truth…. it was strange to see my bully of a father cowering in a corner like a child, it frightened me to see the effect the truth had on him… we talked, had a hug and i left for the cottage which i was borrowing… next morning veronica isnt speaking to me. she wants me out. i was waiting for a hospital psychiatrist to visit me, because i realy felt i needed hospitalisation, i was frightened to stay there any longer and i couldnt make the journey home, my head was cracking up…. couldnt meet him there… she said i couldnt… so i said id make my own way to the hospital… left veronica a long letter stating what i’d said to dad, and saying i’d always valued our friendship and would miss everyone very much. then i walked out. phoned up the local vicar and his wife, cos i went to her for counselling once, they took me to theirs for a cuppa tea and i explained all, they werent suprised, they said yes we know about your father, we can just see it, then drove me to the bus stop and i got the bus home. so i probably wont see my father again for a long time. i was glad to have a chance to say goodbye to my brothers in private, i said to them, you might have heard the argument last night, i dont know really what i’ve done wrong, i’ve always tried to do whats right, but its stuff between dad and me, its not your fault, whatever you do, dont get involved, dont try to defend me… im sorry that i probably wont be back for some time, but you know my email address and phone number, you can contact me any time…. and we had a big hug. the youngest, William, overheard the whole argument between me and my dad, im scared of the effect it has had on him… alex, the eldest, he was really understanding, he suffers a lot from my father too who basicaly treats people as emotional punching bags when he’s had a bad day. he had to sack two people on friday, was busy over the weekend and found me at a low and vulnerable and decided to verbally kick the living daylights outta me. as my friend hilary said to me, it might have been better if he’d physically kicked me, the scars would have healed sooner… ///… he’s done this to me all my life and i just was powerless to do anything but take it. i think the reason veronica shut down and kicked me out too, when she’s always defended me, is that she’s frightened of him too. i suspect that he hit my mum, just based on things i’ve uncovered in therapy, and i suspect he might have hit her too. it wasnt just me he tore strips off that week, he laid into alex , william and veronica several times before… veronica described our argument as "that was an appaling performance" … and in my letter i said well, i’ve seen that sort of performance several times this week, and all i did in the argument was to state the truth, very simply and calmly. im now worn out, exhausted. the emotional exhaustion has hit. the pain hasnt yet. im sad to leave my brothers, in particular. and im sad because veronica was always a trusted friend, but she turned on me, she can be a real bitch if she wants to, but she’s never been like that to me before. i think she was genuinely so scared of accepting the truth that her family needs serious help , that she shut down and used me as a scapegoat rather than face the truth. all in all it wasnt what i needed when i’d been invited there to rest after having a major depressive episode the last couple of weeks. i dont feel anything yet, anger, pain or anything, only mildly. it’ll hit soon though. so if im quiet… its that im exhausted and dealing with a lot of shite on top of my breakdown (which was due to other reasons, going outta my head with loneliness in london basically). i do feel strangely empowered… my therapist told me it would be like this when i learned to be assertive in a positive way… and i know my father will be unlikely to try that sorta trick on me again. in any case if we meet again it will be on my terms and on neutral territory. got that song going through my head "dont come around here no more"… cant remember who it was by, possibly an aussie band…. im wary, the emotion will hit soon, and the grief…. just gotta take it easy… got very little energy, physically i can hardly move… but i wanted to spill this all out before i go to sleep to let you know where i’ve been and why i’ve been silent…. it fucking sucks. my father betrayed all the confidence i’d built in sharing my BP with him, he referred to my "personal and psychological problems"… as if i was some kinda psycho hanger on moneygrabber from his first marriage who should just get the hell out… i pointed out i have never asked for a cent from him, i have always gratefully received when he has given, but i have never *ever* taken anything for granted, i just dont do that…. fuck it…. sorry, i’ll stop there… am tired.. hugs to you all and thanx for being there & listening m — ~~~~~<:~~~~~ iriXx "sometimes i get overcharged… that’s when you see sparks you ask me where the hell i’m going at a thousand feet per second…" radiohead: the tourist
Response:
Don’t treat this as your fault. I know it sucks but what happened to you was the fault of others. Many, many hugs to you….. keep the faith rik — Padded room with a view RWC3
Response:
((((((((((((((((((((M)))))))))))))))))))))))) Goblin
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hi all im home.
Response:
hi all im home. heh, long story. went up north to see my family, to stay in the cottage my father has, cos my stepmother asked me to help, because she thought my bro Alex was self harming… and to supposedly get some rest from the mini breakdown depressive episode i’ve been having…. well well well. managed to talk to alex, that was cool. we have a special friendship, i call him my brother even though he’s half-brother. my bro william im also very very close to. alex and i had lots of chats about depression, yes he was SH’ing, i reccomended he can talk to the local doctor, who i went to see, she’s excellent and a great listener, and he’s old enough he can make his own appointment, noone needs to know why. well then. i had to let veronica (my stepmother) know, because she’d asked me up there specifically to help. so she gets depressed…. things get moody…. my father finds me on friday night with the cat, hiding away from everyone in private in a corner of the dining room while everyone was upstairs, having a little cry cos i’ve been down… and he launches into me and tears strips off me, says i’m invading his family’s space (err hello, like im a hanger on from a previous marriage that he doesnt want around, hey im his first child you know)… accused me of all sortsa false shit like dumping my problems on veronica and making her depressed (i think what she was depressed about was alex, but she was too frightened to tell dad about alex cos he’d go apeshit, so she lied and told him it was me)… told me i was using them (which i’ve never done!) says i gotta get out… like Now! so he shouted at me, i shouted back "how dare you speak to me like that"… i hyperventilated…. and okay, this is scary shit now…. i said, im hyperventilating, can you get me a paper bag… my father is medically trained, he’s a pharmacologist… dont know if he was thinking straight or unconciously something was going on… gonna talk to my therapist about that one on Wednesday… so i had the presence of mind to say, take that away it will suffocate me, get me a glass of water… i calmed down and said, right, now lets talk about this like sensible adults shall we? and i asserted myself. proper assertiveness techniques like i’ve learnt from my 3 years of therapy. calm but firm. said i had only helped and helped while i was up there, at a time when my health was extremely fragile. that i’d never taken advantage, never assumed, and asked him where he was getting this information from about me dumping my problems on veronica, because i’d always asked her if it was okay, if she needed space… he had no argument against the truth…. it was strange to see my bully of a father cowering in a corner like a child, it frightened me to see the effect the truth had on him… we talked, had a hug and i left for the cottage which i was borrowing… next morning veronica isnt speaking to me. she wants me out. i was waiting for a hospital psychiatrist to visit me, because i realy felt i needed hospitalisation, i was frightened to stay there any longer and i couldnt make the journey home, my head was cracking up…. couldnt meet him there… she said i couldnt… so i said id make my own way to the hospital… left veronica a long letter stating what i’d said to dad, and saying i’d always valued our friendship and would miss everyone very much. then i walked out. phoned up the local vicar and his wife, cos i went to her for counselling once, they took me to theirs for a cuppa tea and i explained all, they werent suprised, they said yes we know about your father, we can just see it, then drove me to the bus stop and i got the bus home. so i probably wont see my father again for a long time. i was glad to have a chance to say goodbye to my brothers in private, i said to them, you might have heard the argument last night, i dont know really what i’ve done wrong, i’ve always tried to do whats right, but its stuff between dad and me, its not your fault, whatever you do, dont get involved, dont try to defend me… im sorry that i probably wont be back for some time, but you know my email address and phone number, you can contact me any time…. and we had a big hug. the youngest, William, overheard the whole argument between me and my dad, im scared of the effect it has had on him… alex, the eldest, he was really understanding, he suffers a lot from my father too who basicaly treats people as emotional punching bags when he’s had a bad day. he had to sack two people on friday, was busy over the weekend and found me at a low and vulnerable and decided to verbally kick the living daylights outta me. as my friend hilary said to me, it might have been better if he’d physically kicked me, the scars would have healed sooner… ///… he’s done this to me all my life and i just was powerless to do anything but take it. i think the reason veronica shut down and kicked me out too, when she’s always defended me, is that she’s frightened of him too. i suspect that he hit my mum, just based on things i’ve uncovered in therapy, and i suspect he might have hit her too. it wasnt just me he tore strips off that week, he laid into alex , william and veronica several times before… veronica described our argument as "that was an appaling performance" … and in my letter i said well, i’ve seen that sort of performance several times this week, and all i did in the argument was to state the truth, very simply and calmly. im now worn out, exhausted. the emotional exhaustion has hit. the pain hasnt yet. im sad to leave my brothers, in particular. and im sad because veronica was always a trusted friend, but she turned on me, she can be a real bitch if she wants to, but she’s never been like that to me before. i think she was genuinely so scared of accepting the truth that her family needs serious help , that she shut down and used me as a scapegoat rather than face the truth. all in all it wasnt what i needed when i’d been invited there to rest after having a major depressive episode the last couple of weeks. i dont feel anything yet, anger, pain or anything, only mildly. it’ll hit soon though. so if im quiet… its that im exhausted and dealing with a lot of shite on top of my breakdown (which was due to other reasons, going outta my head with loneliness in london basically). i do feel strangely empowered… my therapist told me it would be like this when i learned to be assertive in a positive way… and i know my father will be unlikely to try that sorta trick on me again. in any case if we meet again it will be on my terms and on neutral territory. got that song going through my head "dont come around here no more"… cant remember who it was by, possibly an aussie band…. im wary, the emotion will hit soon, and the grief…. just gotta take it easy… got very little energy, physically i can hardly move… but i wanted to spill this all out before i go to sleep to let you know where i’ve been and why i’ve been silent…. it fucking sucks. my father betrayed all the confidence i’d built in sharing my BP with him, he referred to my "personal and psychological problems"… as if i was some kinda psycho hanger on moneygrabber from his first marriage who should just get the hell out… i pointed out i have never asked for a cent from him, i have always gratefully received when he has given, but i have never *ever* taken anything for granted, i just dont do that…. fuck it…. sorry, i’ll stop there… am tired.. hugs to you all and thanx for being there & listening m — ~~~~~<:~~~~~ iriXx "sometimes i get overcharged… that’s when you see sparks you ask me where the hell i’m going at a thousand feet per second…" radiohead: the tourist
Response:
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