Depression Learning

Not sure what to do

Question:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – To the original poster – more important than any of the above – why is your father being left to supervise his own medication? Not a good plan, since people with AD really lose their understanding of time early in the illness (never mind the memory issues), and will often take too many pills or not enough – he should not be filling prescriptions on his own, or deciding when or if to take prescribed meds. I do that, but I don’t have control of paying for it, he does. He takes his meds on time. I am happy to report though, he asked for depression meds, FINALLY! I’ve been telling everyone for a few years he’s depressed but  no one listened to me. Of course, with depression, one can’t do anything until the person seeks help. I fill his prescriptions, and go to dr’s office for visits and have a handle on that. My problem is he won’t take meds that cost too much to refill.

Hi, I know what you mean.   My mother in law was always extremely frugal, and so careful about turning off lights and saving plastic bags for re-use etc. What good is her money now when nothing could ever buy back her mind for her?     Now that we are in charge of her money I see to it that she has nice clothing and anything she needs for her comfort.   No one knows how long she will be able to enjoy any of it.    It will all go to the nursing home anyway….. in the meanwhile she should be as comfortable and well as possible.   Fortunately we live in NY and there is a prescription drug assistance program for the elderly called EPIC which is great and they all cost the same nominal amount. Regards, Evelyn

Response:

I know what you mean.   My mother in law was always extremely frugal, and so careful about turning off lights and saving plastic bags for re-use etc. What good is her money now when nothing could ever buy back her mind for her?     Now that we are in charge of her money I see to it that she has nice clothing and anything she needs for her comfort.  

His mom was the same way, he’ a bit better, but his mom always said she was poor, family even bought her a tv, then after she died, we found 2 seconds on properties, and over 150k in the bank. I’m glad I was able to fill his wilbutrin (sp) as he had it before and was taken off it. He will not have to see a doc, and since I know his doc and nurse, all I had to do was call and request a refill. Once the depression is under control, I can maybe get him back on Aricept. You have to understand, he’s been diagnosed in the early stage, so for many things, he’s aware, and cognitive.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I know what you mean.   My mother in law was always extremely frugal, and so careful about turning off lights and saving plastic bags for re-use etc. What good is her money now when nothing could ever buy back her mind for her?     Now that we are in charge of her money I see to it that she has nice clothing and anything she needs for her comfort. His mom was the same way, he’ a bit better, but his mom always said she was poor, family even bought her a tv, then after she died, we found 2 seconds on properties, and over 150k in the bank. I’m glad I was able to fill his wilbutrin (sp) as he had it before and was taken off it. He will not have to see a doc, and since I know his doc and nurse, all I had to do was call and request a refill. Once the depression is under control, I can maybe get him back on Aricept. You have to understand, he’s been diagnosed in the early stage, so for many things, he’s aware, and cognitive.

Yes, I understand how that is…. we ultimately stopped altogether explaining anything to my mother in law.   We just wanted her to take her meds, avoid arguments, and let us handle the difficult parts of life for her.  At some point she quit trying to assert her will on these kinds of things, although she did ask me quite a few times just WHERE was I getting these medications?  Hadn’t she run out of them?   I told her the Dr. gave me a new prescription for them.   (she can’t remember having been to the Dr. even though she has been several times)  She then asked if she didn’t owe me money for them, and I told her no, it was my treat, or that she could reimburse me ‘later’…. Later just never comes.   Same with new clothing. I called it a Xmas present or a birthday present, or just that I saw something and it was a good deal….   It was a gradual process, but once past the initial stages, she finally realized on some level that it was better to acquiesce and not argue.   She is better off now than she has been in years.  This disease was already starting several years ago and we just didn’t know it until it got really evident. Just be as crafty and artful as you can and use the fact they forget so readily to your (really to THEIR) advantage.   The worst part, the forgetfulness, can be a blessing in disguise when you need to take care of someone who doesn’t know that they need taking care of. Regards, Evelyn

Response:

There seems to be different approaches to telling or not telling.   Some have said they told their loved one they had AD and that they were actually relieved to know.  Others have refused to discuss it at all even when told, preferring to leave "it" unnamed. In our case we opted to tell her.   She didn’t believe it anyway, but we have continued to used the term often when she forgets something important. Our philosophy is that she needs something to blame, and it is easy to say "don’t worry about it, it is just the alzheimer’s that made you forget that"…. as though it was nothing much.

He’s in denial, and one day I did say the pills were for his memory, of course, he said his memory was fine and then later on, asked the same question again about something I’d told him. He’s pretty much, as he’s said, waiting to die. I’d not want to add to his level of depression telling him he has what his father suffered.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – There seems to be different approaches to telling or not telling.   Some have said they told their loved one they had AD and that they were actually relieved to know.  Others have refused to discuss it at all even when told, preferring to leave "it" unnamed. In our case we opted to tell her.   She didn’t believe it anyway, but we have continued to used the term often when she forgets something important. Our philosophy is that she needs something to blame, and it is easy to say "don’t worry about it, it is just the alzheimer’s that made you forget that"…. as though it was nothing much. He’s in denial, and one day I did say the pills were for his memory, of course, he said his memory was fine and then later on, asked the same question again about something I’d told him. He’s pretty much, as he’s said, waiting to die. I’d not want to add to his level of depression telling him he has what his father suffered.

Hi, Yes, I can understand that…..on some level he may have an inkling, otherwise he would not be talking that way…..so did my mother in law…. even to threatening to kill herself for several years before we had a real diagnosis. My philosophy on the subject leaned towards treating the depression very aggressively, and I told the Dr. that I want my mother in law to spend her last part of her life "as happy as a clam" and that whatever he had to give her to make her comfortable, peaceful, at rest, and whatever WE had to do to create that for her, we would do. I cannot say we have totally taken the sting away from a horrible disease, but I think we have put a pretty good dent in it at least for now As the disease becomes more debilitating, we will probably have to put her in a nursing home, but for now, she is doing well, is manageable, continent, reasonably happy, eats well, dresses well, plays with her jewelry and makeup, goes daily to daycare, watches TV even though she can’t follow a plot at all, and so I would say she has some quality of life now that she didn’t have before we took charge of her situation. That is the best we can hope for right now…… I think….. Regards, Evelyn

Response:

This aproach of telling John in the most loving and gentle way that he has A D. did not work with us. "WHO???? says that,? " was his angry answer and I only mentioned "forgetfulness"

Response:

Telling someone what they have is only a help IF they are still intact enough to understand what the diagnosis means AND they can retain the information. To give you a for instance, my MIL forgot her sister was dead more than a few times, and early in the game, we used to remind her. Every time she heard it, it was like new information for her. She would cry and be upset and berate us for not telling her or letting her go to the funeral (which she actually had attended but had zero memory of). After a while we clued in – hey, telling her is pointless. Same goes for a reminder of the diagnosis. Will he remember he has AD and that is why he needs the pills? Will he understand what the pills are supposed to do? Will knowing he has AD mean that he is more cooperative? Will he know what AD means – does the word itself mean anything to him? Will he just get upset every time he is reminded? To the original poster – more important than any of the above – why is your father being left to supervise his own medication? Not a good plan, since people with AD really lose their understanding of time early in the illness (never mind the memory issues), and will often take too many pills or not enough – he should not be filling prescriptions on his own, or deciding when or if to take prescribed meds. Mary G.

Response:

To the original poster – more important than any of the above – why is your father being left to supervise his own medication? Not a good plan, since people with AD really lose their understanding of time early in the illness (never mind the memory issues), and will often take too many pills or not enough – he should not be filling prescriptions on his own, or deciding when or if to take prescribed meds.

I do that, but I don’t have control of paying for it, he does. He takes his meds on time. I am happy to report though, he asked for depression meds, FINALLY! I’ve been telling everyone for a few years he’s depressed but  no one listened to me. Of course, with depression, one can’t do anything until the person seeks help. I fill his prescriptions, and go to dr’s office for visits and have a handle on that. My problem is he won’t take meds that cost too much to refill.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I am someone who feels that antidepressants may be a bit overprescribed, and certainly putting someone on them on an ongoing basis  - like putting a young person on them forever, rather than a specific time frame – they are overused.   But I think that these products have an important place and in the elderly or ill or both, it is a real blessing to have some medication that improves ones mental outlook even a little. He was using Wilbertine (sp) a while back. As far as being negative, well…he’s been that way since I was a kid. Each day I remember hearing him say, "I feel lousy." He also got the "OH, God" from his mom. Now he says it all the time….yuck. Maybe an SSRI might be better, and I think less money. I’ll talk to his doctor. thanks.

Hi, Every person I know of who has been "down" all their lives, has benefitted from these antidepressant meds.    Especially the elderly, so I would definitely give it a try.   What could it possibly hurt for a person of that age to feel as good as possible about life for whatever is left of that life?   right?   Hey – I’d go for it! Ida is doing better than she ever was at this point.  She takes a lot of medication, but we don’t care how much it takes, if her days are happier and more stress free, because HER being happier means WE are happier too. Best Regards, Evelyn

Response:

Does he know he has Alzheimers. I would tell him it is to help him not get worst. My motherinlaw was told right away . Has he ever known he has this?

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Dad was doing very well on Aricept, improved, but since he has to pay 25.00 for 23 pills, I found he’s not taking it. Of course he’s more confused, sleeps a lot more, and does almost nothing. We don’t tell him what it’s for, we call it the "brain" pill but he assumes it’s nothing. I’m not quite sure how to proceed. Any thoughts?

Response:

There seems to be different approaches to telling or not telling.   Some have said they told their loved one they had AD and that they were actually relieved to know.  Others have refused to discuss it at all even when told, preferring to leave "it" unnamed. In our case we opted to tell her.   She didn’t believe it anyway, but we have continued to used the term often when she forgets something important. Our philosophy is that she needs something to blame, and it is easy to say "don’t worry about it, it is just the alzheimer’s that made you forget that"…. as though it was nothing much. As I said, she didn’t quite believe it anyway, and maybe still doesn’t, but we felt that being honest was better than letting her think she was losing her mind from something without a name.    If she had gotten upset, or agitated, or got weepy or something when we told her this, I would not have mentioned it again, and just worked around the issue. Regards, Evelyn

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Does he know he has Alzheimers. I would tell him it is to help him not get worst. My motherinlaw was told right away . Has he ever known he has this? Dad was doing very well on Aricept, improved, but since he has to pay 25.00 for 23 pills, I found he’s not taking it. Of course he’s more confused, sleeps a lot more, and does almost nothing. We don’t tell him what it’s for, we call it the "brain" pill but he assumes it’s nothing. I’m not quite sure how to proceed. Any thoughts?

Response:

Can he remember if he felt better when he was taking it?  Tell him you’ll pay for it because you know it helps him and you really want him to have it.  Maybe you’ll have to lie and tell him it’s a circulation pill and if he doesn’t take it he could have a stroke. Make up something.  Is there a pharmacy near that gives senior’s discounts? The Cranky Genee – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Dad was doing very well on Aricept, improved, but since he has to pay 25.00 for 23 pills, I found he’s not taking it. Of course he’s more confused, sleeps a lot more, and does almost nothing. We don’t tell him what it’s for, we call it the "brain" pill but he assumes it’s nothing. I’m not quite sure how to proceed. Any thoughts?

Response:

Can he remember if he felt better when he was taking it?  Tell him you’ll pay for it because you know it helps him and you really want him to have it.  Maybe you’ll have to lie and tell him it’s a circulation pill and if he doesn’t take it he could have a stroke. Make up something.  Is there a pharmacy near that gives senior’s discounts?

He’s already on Senior Advantage from Kiser, as far as me paying, I’ve given up working to take care of him. Maybe I’ll bring this up with my sis and bro and see if they can cover the cost. He basically notices nothing, and as he’s gotten older has become very negative about almost everything. This is not AD related. His mother (my grandmother) was the same way, its just gotten worse as he got older.

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Can he remember if he felt better when he was taking it?  Tell him you’ll pay for it because you know it helps him and you really want him to have it.  Maybe you’ll have to lie and tell him it’s a circulation pill and if he doesn’t take it he could have a stroke. Make up something.  Is there a pharmacy near that gives senior’s discounts? He’s already on Senior Advantage from Kiser, as far as me paying, I’ve given up working to take care of him. Maybe I’ll bring this up with my sis and bro and see if they can cover the cost. He basically notices nothing, and as he’s gotten older has become very negative about almost everything. This is not AD related. His mother (my grandmother) was the same way, its just gotten worse as he got older.

Dear Dancer, You know, I have been thinking about that….. everything slows down as we age, and so many different kinds of hormones and neuro chemicals in our bodies also slow down.   I wonder if a lot of so called "sour temperament" or "negativity" in the elderly is evidence of a slowdown of certain brain chemistry, creating an attitude sort of like a depression? I am someone who feels that antidepressants may be a bit overprescribed, and certainly putting someone on them on an ongoing basis  - like putting a young person on them forever, rather than a specific time frame – they are overused.   But I think that these products have an important place and in the elderly or ill or both, it is a real blessing to have some medication that improves ones mental outlook even a little. In my mother in law, the Zoloft she takes has been a blessing.   When she was alone she was depressed all the time, so much so that she didn’t take her medication some of the time and sometimes she forgot and took double doses.   Her moods were always on a roller coaster with a lot of severe downs.    We see to it that she never misses her meds since she lives with us, and she is a happier person all around. Regards, Evelyn

Response:

I am someone who feels that antidepressants may be a bit overprescribed, and certainly putting someone on them on an ongoing basis  - like putting a young person on them forever, rather than a specific time frame – they are overused.   But I think that these products have an important place and in the elderly or ill or both, it is a real blessing to have some medication that improves ones mental outlook even a little.

He was using Wilbertine (sp) a while back. As far as being negative, well…he’s been that way since I was a kid. Each day I remember hearing him say, "I feel lousy." He also got the "OH, God" from his mom. Now he says it all the time….yuck. Maybe an SSRI might be better, and I think less money. I’ll talk to his doctor. thanks.

Response:

Dad was doing very well on Aricept, improved, but since he has to pay 25.00 for 23 pills, I found he’s not taking it. Of course he’s more confused, sleeps a lot more, and does almost nothing. We don’t tell him what it’s for, we call it the "brain" pill but he assumes it’s nothing. I’m not quite sure how to proceed. Any thoughts?

Response:

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