Depression Learning

Feeling Depressed

Question:

Mark, those who make fun of you are trying to get a piece of your heart and soul, and when you get bitter over their actions, they have that piece.  When I was at college, I passed by a church building with the following posted on it’s sign: The harshest prison is an unforgiving heart.  When you think about how to get even, you put more and more of your heart in that prison.  As a friend from church told me, "If you put anger in the bank, it will collect interest." Forgive them, Mark.   You have no control over their actions and the condition of their hearts, but you do have control over your own.    If your forgiveness does not change them, don’t stop forgiving.  You need to forgive to keep them from negatively changing you.    Instead of trying to get happiness by acquiring material wealth, try giving some of the wealth of your heart to give happiness to God, family, and friends. If you give, you won’t have to worry about receiving. David      

Response:

Guys, I need some support right now. I’m feeling really down. It seems that no matter what I do somebody wants to put me down. At the TKD school where I go there is one particular instructor that enjoys making fun of me or being unfriendly every chance he gets. He does not have the authority to kick me out of the school. He is well aware of my TS and related problems. I have done everything I can to try to fit in but it just doesn’t seem to be enough to suit him. To make matters worse he now seems to have several allies. I try to be friendly but it just doesn’t seem to work. They can’t come right out and be openly nasty to me since I am a senior belt, but they can ignore me every chance they get which still hurts. I am trying to tell myself that the best revenge is living well. Is this true? Would it bother you if somebody you were being ugly to refused to reciprocate but you saw them driving a really nice car (one you knew that you could never afford). How about if they invited you to a party at their house and it turned out to be a house that you could only afford in your dreams? Get the idea? All this without being openly ugly to them. I guess that I have just had it up to my chin with people that are not smart enough or caring enough to even try to understand that I live with something that I have no control over. I can’t do anything about some of the things I do (as much as I wish otherwise). I have always considered myself a very caring, and deeply sensitive man. Yes, I am very blount at times. It’s only because it’s what I truly believe to be the truth. Even though I fully realize that most people cannot handle that kind of blount honesty it still hurts me when they react negatively toward me as a person. I had a man tell me the other day that I am ahead of my time because of the things I can do and at the level I can perform them. This may or may not be true. Being in this position sure carry’s a big price tag though. Thanks for listening. I don’t know if this will help or not but maybe it will. Mark

Response:

It seems >that no matter what I do somebody wants to put me down.

Mark, at times like that in my life, I still hear my Dad’s voice in the dim recesses of my mind, telling me, as a child, this little ditty of which he and my Mother were quite fond: "Just remember, Kathryn, the birds always peck at the best fruit on the tree" It still helps. Hang in there, Mark. This too, shall pass. KAT in CT

Response:

>At the TKD >school where I go there is one particular instructor that enjoys making >fun of me or being unfriendly every chance he gets.

Mark, does he need to be reminded by the owner of the school that as an  instructor there he has TKD principles to uphold ?? How about showing some of his new allies more of the real you?  That way, you  make friends, while he looks like a goof !!

Response:

In article <3466869C.1…@onramp.net>, h…@onramp.net writes: > Guys, I need some support right now. I’m feeling really down………… > I am trying to tell myself that the best revenge is living well. Is this > true?   > Mark

Mark…. I think you have answered your own question.  My best friend has TS and this is what he has done.  He has a great disposition and is always in an up mood. I know that he goes through phases when life really sucks and I’m always there for him.  He is an inspiration to me.  But, there in no better revenge then to live well, be happy when life gets you down and show those a-holes that they can’t get to you.  You’ve got people here on this N/G that are rooting for you will listen and respond with words of encouragement and love when you need it.   Remember, nothing is forever and this too shall pass.   Kelly  

Response:

> How about if they invited you to a party >at their house and it turned out to be a house that you could only >afford in your dreams? Get the idea?

My husband and I have friends who are quite abit better off than us and our  constantly telling us about all the renovations (with the most expensive  choices), cars, motor homes, holidays they are purchasing.  It seems to be all  they know how to talk about.  Not even noticing that we sold our new house to  buy a cheaper one very basic one bathroom,  repainted old wooden cupboards,  no garage  etc etc etc.  It doesn’t even seem to ocour to them I never talk  about anything close to this,  I would never dream of talking to my single  sister about any improvements we do or romantic evenings, as she is alone.  Some people just don’t get it.  But I worked part time so my husband or I  could be home with my kids, and I feel like the richer person. Hang in there Mark you are the richer person. Bev

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Kathryn Taubert wrote: > It seems > >that no matter what I do somebody wants to put me down. > Mark, at times like that in my life, I still hear my Dad’s voice in the > dim recesses of my mind, telling me, as a child, this little ditty of > which he and my Mother were quite fond: > "Just remember, Kathryn, the birds always peck at the best fruit on the > tree" > It still helps. > Hang in there, Mark. This too, shall pass. > KAT in CT

That little ditty has a lot more truth to it than most people are willing to admit to. Thanks KAT, it is appreciated. Mark

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text - (h…@onramp.net) writes: > Guys, I need some support right now. I’m feeling really down. It seems > that no matter what I do somebody wants to put me down. At the TKD > school where I go there is one particular instructor that enjoys making > fun of me or being unfriendly every chance he gets. He does not have the > authority to kick me out of the school. He is well aware of my TS and > related problems. I have done everything I can to try to fit in but it > just doesn’t seem to be enough to suit him. To make matters worse he now > seems to have several allies. I try to be friendly but it just doesn’t > seem to work. They can’t come right out and be openly nasty to me since > I am a senior belt, but they can ignore me every chance they get which > still hurts. > I am trying to tell myself that the best revenge is living well. Is this > true? Would it bother you if somebody you were being ugly to refused to > reciprocate but you saw them driving a really nice car (one you knew > that you could never afford). How about if they invited you to a party > at their house and it turned out to be a house that you could only > afford in your dreams? Get the idea? All this without being openly ugly > to them. I guess that I have just had it up to my chin with people that > are not smart enough or caring enough to even try to understand that I > live with something that I have no control over. I can’t do anything > about some of the things I do (as much as I wish otherwise). > I have always considered myself a very caring, and deeply sensitive man. > Yes, I am very blount at times. It’s only because it’s what I truly > believe to be the truth. Even though I fully realize that most people > cannot handle that kind of blount honesty it still hurts me when they > react negatively toward me as a person. I had a man tell me the other > day that I am ahead of my time because of the things I can do and at the > level I can perform them. This may or may not be true. Being in this > position sure carry’s a big price tag though. > Thanks for listening. I don’t know if this will help or not but maybe it > will. > Mark

Dear Mark: Those people that are mean to you at the school obviously have problems of their own and need to grow up! It reminds me of how the  other kids treated me in school, and you’d think adults would be more mature, but sadly some never are! Perhaps they envy you , or they are just mean and like to make fun of others, or maybe they have low self esteem and bully others to try and twistedly make themselves feel better? I know it hurts though; I have been there myself and even to this day feel like an outsider that never really fits in.The pain is deep and real and hurts alot.I pray for you, and perhaps it helps to remind you that these awful people’s opinion shouldn’t matter; who cares what they think, and you wouldn’t want(or deserve) people like that as friends anyway, right? Just ignore them and try to avoid them if possible.   As for living well is the best revenge, I don’t agree.People with money can still feel empty and miserable and depressed despite having all the material things.Envy is a sin as well, and the most important things in life are not material or can be bought with money anyway.I think love is what really matters, so as I see it, a poor man with a loving family is even "richer" than a wealthy man who feels lonely and empty inside.   This will pass.Like in school, in time the bullies will tire of you and go on to someone else, esp. if you ignore them and don’t give them the satisfaction of knowing how much it really bothers you.   As for depression, I notice my own worsens near the full moon of each month as well, and it’s in 2 more days….   Good luck, and you have friends here who care.God Bless. — ******* IRINA SHOUSHOUNOVA bo693 or Love…@ottawa.com ******* Do not offend the Lord our God any more, because He is already     so much offended. Our Lady of Fatima, 13 October 1917. **************************************************************

Response:

JParry4120 wrote: > > How about if they invited you to a party > >at their house and it turned out to be a house that you could only > >afford in your dreams? Get the idea? > My husband and I have friends who are quite abit better off than us and our >  constantly telling us about all the renovations (with the most expensive >  choices), cars, motor homes, holidays they are purchasing.  It seems to be all >  they know how to talk about.  

This is something that I won’t do. They have eyes. They can see for themselves. It would completely ruin the effect for me to tell them about everything. If they ask I’ll answer politely with no detailed explanation. Not even noticing that we sold our new house to >  buy a cheaper one very basic one bathroom,  repainted old wooden cupboards, >  no garage  etc etc etc.  It doesn’t even seem to ocour to them I never talk >  about anything close to this,  I would never dream of talking to my single >  sister about any improvements we do or romantic evenings, as she is alone.

To do so would just be totally insensitive as far as I’m concerned. If someone asks then answer politely, otherwise keep my mouth shut. >  Some people just don’t get it.  But I worked part time so my husband or I >  could be home with my kids, and I feel like the richer person. > Hang in there Mark you are the richer person.

Thanks Bev, it is appreciated. I guess that I can console myself in the fact that very few (and I do mean very few) of these people have the potential for creating a really nice standard of living. Like the old saying goes "What goes around comes around." Mark

Response:

BlessedBy2 wrote: > >  As for living well is the best revenge, I don’t agree.People with money > >can still feel empty and miserable and depressed despite having all the > >material things.Envy is a sin as well, and the most important things in > >life are not material or can be bought with money anyway.I think love is > >what really matters, so as I see it, a poor man with a loving family is > >even "richer" than a wealthy man who feels lonely and empty inside. > Very well stated, Irina.  But you didn’t tell us how the baby is ???

But what if you are doing it for yourself and not them. Having an effect on them is just secondary. I want to build a higher standard of living for me, my wife and daughter. If they happen to become envious then that’s their problem. They are not, never have been, and never will be my prime motivation. Mark

Response:

<<  But what if you are doing it for yourself and not them. Having an effect  on them is just secondary. I want to build a higher standard of living  for me, my wife and daughter. If they happen to become envious then  that’s their problem. They are not, never have been, and never will be  my prime motivation.  Mark   >> Mark, We could have a very long discussion about this, but I think we wouldn’t  get anywhere unless we were face-to-face over a long cup of coffee.  No matter  what your reasons, and no matter how lucky or blessed you are, no matter how  hard you work, no matter how big your heart … no matter WHAT …  satisfaction can never be drawn from any level of material success.  In fact,  sometimes it only serves to remind one that you can’t buy your children’s  health, which you would pay any price for.  The motivation to live well can  become a means unto itself, which distracts one from the true meaning and joy  of life… it also affects your friendships and your ability to share in  other’s joy and pain.  It just doesn’t cut the mustard.  Hope you understand  me, but it’s very hard to put this sort of discussion into writing …. Warmly, me

Response:

BlessedBy2 (blessed…@aol.com) writes: >>  As for living well is the best revenge, I don’t agree.People with money >>can still feel empty and miserable and depressed despite having all the >>material things.Envy is a sin as well, and the most important things in >>life are not material or can be bought with money anyway.I think love is >>what really matters, so as I see it, a poor man with a loving family is >>even "richer" than a wealthy man who feels lonely and empty inside. > Very well stated, Irina.  But you didn’t tell us how the baby is ???

Dear Blessed: Hi! Baby seems to be doing well, and just 3 more months to go!! I feel him poking, pressing, turning and kicking alot every day, and I’m gaining the weight ok so I assume he’s still growing well.(the last ultrasound showed he was the right size and the bleeding didn’t affect him, and the torn placenta healed and there was a blood clot under the placenta left).   As for the bleeding, it’s been 7-8 weeks now since it stopped, so the doc thinks the clot has dissolved on it’s own, and I get another scan next week to check.   Thanx for asking!! Irina, 6 months prego with baby # 7. — ******* IRINA SHOUSHOUNOVA bo693 or Love…@ottawa.com ******* Do not offend the Lord our God any more, because He is already     so much offended. Our Lady of Fatima, 13 October 1917. **************************************************************

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Vickser wrote: > In article <19971112124401.HAA08…@ladder01.news.aol.com>, > blessed…@aol.com (BlessedBy2) writes: > >.  The motivation to live well can > > become a means unto itself, which distracts one from the true meaning and > >joy > > of life… it also affects your friendships and your ability to share in > > other’s joy and pain.  It just doesn’t cut the mustard.  Hope you understand > > me, but it’s very hard to put this sort of discussion into writing …. > >Warmly, me > This gets us off on a whole new thread, as far as I’m concerned.  First, > let me say that I feel for you Mark, and the best thing you can do is to > hold your head up high and to continue living the way you are.  Only you > and God know what is really going on inside you, and if these people refuse > to see the good in you, then they’re missing out. > As far as living well and material things go, I feel that as long as one > is generous and charitable, there is nothing wrong with making money and > living the lifestyle you enjoy.  Making money has gotten a really bad rap > these days, but my husband has taught me that truly, as Mark says, "What > goes around, comes around."  This especially applies to ones actions.  If > you continue to give, you’ll continue to get — in all areas. > Good luck, Mark. > Vicki > Vicki

Thanks Vicki, I have gotten into real estate and have been lucky enough to find me a really good mortgage loan officer who does anything she can to help me. I am buying up bread and butter houses ( 40 to 70K ) and renting them out. Since I am a handyman by trade I have an advantage over most people who have to call someone like me to do repair work for them. My only real expense is the cost of the material when it comes to repairing damage to the house. I’m not foolish enough to think of this as an overnight get rich quick scheme. It will take lots of hard work and many years but it will be well worth it. I agree with you, what’s wrong with living in an above average home or driving a luxury car if you can afford it? Mark

Response:

David Bryant wrote: >When you think about how to get even, you put more and more of >your heart in that prison.  

Beautifully stated. Another one of the lessons I’ve had to learn with TS is that I can’t be  imprisoned by what other people may think of or about my son or my parenting,  or let public perceptions of his issues affect the family psychodynamics.  I  find life so much easier when I am tolerant of the ignorance in people who  haven’t walked in these shoes.

Response:

>Mark, those who make fun of you are trying to get a piece of your heart >and soul, and when you get bitter over their actions, they have that >piece.  When I was at college, I passed by a church building with the >following posted on it’s sign: The harshest prison is an unforgiving >heart.  When you think about how to get even, you put more and more of >your heart in that prison.  As a friend from church told me, "If you put >anger in the bank, it will collect interest." >Forgive them, Mark.   You have no control over their actions and the >condition of their hearts, but you do have control over your own.    If >your forgiveness does not change them, don’t stop forgiving.  You need >to forgive to keep them from negatively changing you.  

David, this is a beautiful piece of wisdom. It feels so much better, in the long run, to be able to "let go," doesn’t it? Sometimes it takes a while to get there…but the destination is worth it. Thanks for posting that. KAT in CT

Response:

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