Depression Learning

Does anyone know?

Question:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Do you know what it feels like to be unable to cry? To be so unmotivated that you can’t even take off your glasses before closing your eyes to sleep (even though you really can’t sleep)? To be so hungry, yet to know that you will hate yourself for eating so much as one bite? Does anyone feel like they just can’t live one more second, but they can’t kill themselves either because there is someone standing in the way of it (in this case, parents)? I just need someone to talk to, but there is no one here. I don’t hate my parents, but they aren’t exactly what it takes to make a good conversation. I just hate myself, and they can’t understand why their beautiful, smart, perfect daughter can’t handle life. Does anyone out there know how that feels? I need to know. Erin

Erin, You are not alone.  This describes me and alot of others here too.  You are in the right place.  Sit back and stay awhile and take care of you. TJV

Response:

Erin, I have suffered with depression since my early teen-age years.  Yes, I know what it feels like to be unable to cry?  I understand what it is to be so tired that you can’t concentrate or function and yet not be able to sleep. I don’t understand the "hungry" because I struggle with the opposite.  I am very overweight and get very angry at myself for eating even when I am not hungry and don’t feel like it. There was a time in my teen years when I believe that I wanted to kill myself, but I couldn’t.  I remember taking a razor blade to my wrists, but not being able to cut. But, with over thirty years of experience with depression, I have learned some things.  It is a disease that keeps us from seeing good in ourselves and allows us to focus on the bad.  Before I began to deal with my depression, I could focus on and hate myself for one minor thing while ignoring all the good things about me.  I really didn’t believe there were any good things about me.  I will be very cautious about your parents.  My father was an alcoholic and my mother had severe problems.  They were not helpful in my depression.  I don’t know your parents, but it sounds like they want you to see the good in your life.  They may be afraid and not know how to help. I don’t know if any of this helps, Erin, but I wanted you to know that there is someone who cares and understands.  I would also want you to know that you are a child of God and that you are very precious.  God loves you and is there in your need.  He is willing to listen and to guide you. Erin, I have also learned that depression can’t be dealt with alone.  In my experience as a pastor and as a depressed person, it is important to have someone to help and be supportive.  If your parents can help, I encourage you to talk with them.  If your parents are afraid and unable to hear your deep need, find someone who will listen.  Most pastors, rabbis, school counselors, and doctors will be able to help you.  They may also be able to help your parents listen and understand the pain. Erin, depression can be overcome,  It may take medication, counseling, and support groups, but you can have a happy and meaningful life.  I am learning every day how precious life is and how much I want to enjoy it. Erin, you can talk with me if you would like and others on the group may be supportive.  But, please talk to someone back home.  You may not be able to see it now, because of the depression, but a rich and good life can be yours with help.  Just reading your post, I can tell that you are a caring and sensitive person. I will be praying for you.  God be with you, sister. Rev. John

Response:

Hi Erin, My name is Joden Do you know what it feels like to be unable to cry?

I have spent the last 17 years trying to cry.  I had to mash my hand to be able  to cry for my grandmother’s death.  In the last year I have been able to cry  twice, well, I let some tears come to my eyes.  It’s very hard and very scary  to let myself feel enough to cry. To be so unmotivated that you can’t even take off your glasses before closing your eyes to sleep (even though you really can’t sleep)? To be so hungry, yet to know that you will hate yourself for eating so much as one bite?

I try  not to think about eating, I just do it and avoid mirrors. Does anyone feel like they just can’t live one more second, but they can’t kill themselves either because there is someone standing in the way of it (in this case, parents)?

Yep, been there!  I especially empathize with feeling guilty about how my  suicide would effect other people – even strangers. I just need someone to talk to, but there is no one here. I don’t hate my parents, but they aren’t exactly what it takes to make a good conversation.

Talk as much as you need to here and remember that this is a group of depressed  people,  I for one don’t always have the energy to respond.  (You’d never  guess that from the number of posts these last few days.  <self-depriciating  grin) I just hate myself, and they can’t understand why their beautiful, smart, perfect daughter can’t handle life. Does anyone out there know how that feels? I need to know.

I finally told my parents why their "perfect" daughter can’t handle life very  well,  that was 2 or 3 years ago.  They still can’t understand.  For *my*  parents this is because they don’t want to believe that the way I was  raised/abused by them has had such a major impact on who I am today.  I can’t  seem to give up hope that they will understand some day… but each attempt  fails. Not exactly an uplifting post, eh?  Well, you asked if anyone can relate, I  guess I do, Joden

Response:

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