Depression Learning

Depressed, don't know what to do

Question:

posted and emailed     Welcome to ASD. I would suggest doing some searches on depression, there are resources out there that may be helpful. You can check out the "Depression" page of my website for some sites that might help you, the link is in my sig. With regards to your "girl" problem, you really only have two choices. You can continue lying or tell the truth, they both carry a price tag and your decision will decide which price you pay. Personally I would tell her the truth as I’ve found (through experience) that lying will only cause problems, and while the truth can also cause problems they are usually easier to deal with. Just my opinion. Ed The Pewter Wizard http://nav.to/pewterwizard MSNedhenry69 Yahooedhenry_1999 AIMthepewterwizard ICQ 86355238 "PS2KicksAss" wrote Ok first off I’ll say I’m very very shy…I’ve been this way all of my life I really don’t know why…possibly because when I was around 10 years old my mom married a very violent person..he used to hit on me and my sister..and my mom all the time…this continued for about 2 years then she finally left him I’d say all of my life I’ve had about 5 friends total…I have 1 now that I met from work..which I’m not sure I’d even be friends with if he didn’t play computer games ..which I do ALOT ..I’m in my room all day long on the computer trying to escape reality I suppose…<sigh ok where to

begin…Well I’m a 19yr – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – old male with no life I hate my parents for some odd reason..currently living with my dad..I try to avoid at all costs…even though he has spent thousands on me …helping pay for my car…always willing to buy me things (I do talk to him when I want something…I don’t know I guess I’m spoiled in a way) A few years ago I did go to a psychiatrist and psychologist when I lived with my mom because she knew I was very depressed…but neither could help any because I just wouldn’t talk…1 word answers is all they could get…plus I acted like nothing was wrong…lying to them..saying I was happy…didn’t know why my mom wanted me to come to them…ect..After spending a few thousand on this and noticing no difference….I decided I just didn’t want to go anymore… I’m not a smart person …never was any good at school..I have a very low attention span and often would end up going to sleep when the teachers would say to read this and that…I’d really try to read it…but all of the sudden for some reason I’d get really tired…couldn’t remember what I read at all….so I finally just fell asleep …teachers got used to it after awhile…just gave up on me…..hell I didn’t even graduate 8th grade …they took me into the office and was trying to explain something to me..I think they just didn’t want a 16year old 8th grader..to they took me into 9th…which they put me into a class of about 8…basically you pass as long as you show up type of thing (which I hardly did) so..I guess I graduated 9th then just stopped going…because honestly I wasn’t learning anything at all…I don’t even know how to multiply more than single digits…or don’t know how to divide at all (these things your supposed to know by like 6th grade) Anyways…After awhile of being online I met a girl while playing a "role-playing game"…where you play the role as a wolf…but that would take too long to explain the game..anyways after awhile my character met hers…we played together for awhile..then we started talking out of character..(to the real person that is) we became best friends after awhile…we talked online for about 3 years….I was totally in love with her (yes I do know what love feels like) we had soo much in common…..she is depressed

too…sometimes she’d come – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – online if she was crying about something and we’d talk about it …hehe sometimes 20+hrs at a time…it was great…because even though I did have a friend real life…he wasn’t really a friend…just somebody to play games with…she was my only real friend…but umm….I screwed that one up…I’m a lier…a lie all the damn time..don’t know why…but when we first met I told her my name was "Mike" which it wasn’t..at that time I was new to being online and didn’t want her to have my real name…and to sum it up right now she thinks I’m in the Marines…probably waiting for a letter I promised her (I’ve been wanting to join the Marines my entire life..to become a MP..without HS Diploma its not possible..well unless I get a GED…which I am planning on getting..) I don’t know why I lied to her so much…I’d always tell her I was going to Marines…I’d be in by this and that…finally after a year of doing that she got to the point where she didn’t think i wanted to go that badly…then I just told her I was going…would be in by October…already signed up with everything…she was so proud…I felt like ..crap …recently I’ve been having dreams with her in it (We never exchanged

pictures…talked on phone..or anything..I’m just too damn shy …but in dreams I don’t see a face really…just know its her) ..its driving me nuts…I so want to mail her and explain anything…but if she got pissed that I lied to her about all those things…decided not to talk to me anymore…i’d be

crushed…might be the breaking point where I just wouldn’t care about anything

anymore…go out and do something stupid…sooo…I just can’t do it…as much as I want to… Ok I’m sorry just had to get some stuff off my chest…didn’t help much but did bring back few good memories….I currently have no job and don’t have any money at all…so I can’t afford any types of drugs…or going to see a psychologist or something…..I don’t know what to do….at this rate I’m going to end up dead…(I read someplace that if you hold everything in for too long you could die) without a life at all…never been in a

relationship…never had – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – any suggestions on what I should do? ..thanks (Sorry for such a long post …just got carried away..some things may not make sense..things out of place or repeated…like I said i was never good at school….that includes english)

Response:

Ok first off I’ll say I’m very very shy…I’ve been this way all of my life I really don’t know why…possibly because when I was around 10 years old my mom married a very violent person..he used to hit on me and my sister..and my mom all the time…this continued for about 2 years then she finally left him I’d say all of my life I’ve had about 5 friends total…I have 1 now that I met from work..which I’m not sure I’d even be friends with if he didn’t play computer games ..which I do ALOT ..I’m in my room all day long on the computer trying to escape reality I suppose…<sigh ok where to begin…Well I’m a 19yr old male with no life I hate my parents for some odd reason..currently living with my dad..I try to avoid at all costs…even though he has spent thousands on me …helping pay for my car…always willing to buy me things (I do talk to him when I want something…I don’t know I guess I’m spoiled in a way) A few years ago I did go to a psychiatrist and psychologist when I lived with my mom because she knew I was very depressed…but neither could help any because I just wouldn’t talk…1 word answers is all they could get…plus I acted like nothing was wrong…lying to them..saying I was happy…didn’t know why my mom wanted me to come to them…ect..After spending a few thousand on this and noticing no difference….I decided I just didn’t want to go anymore… I’m not a smart person …never was any good at school..I have a very low attention span and often would end up going to sleep when the teachers would say to read this and that…I’d really try to read it…but all of the sudden for some reason I’d get really tired…couldn’t remember what I read at all….so I finally just fell asleep …teachers got used to it after awhile…just gave up on me…..hell I didn’t even graduate 8th grade …they took me into the office and was trying to explain something to me..I think they just didn’t want a 16year old 8th grader..to they took me into 9th…which they put me into a class of about 8…basically you pass as long as you show up type of thing (which I hardly did) so..I guess I graduated 9th then just stopped going…because honestly I wasn’t learning anything at all…I don’t even know how to multiply more than single digits…or don’t know how to divide at all (these things your supposed to know by like 6th grade) Anyways…After awhile of being online I met a girl while playing a "role-playing game"…where you play the role as a wolf…but that would take too long to explain the game..anyways after awhile my character met hers…we played together for awhile..then we started talking out of character..(to the real person that is) we became best friends after awhile…we talked online for about 3 years….I was totally in love with her (yes I do know what love feels like) we had soo much in common…..she is depressed too…sometimes she’d come online if she was crying about something and we’d talk about it …hehe sometimes 20+hrs at a time…it was great…because even though I did have a friend real life…he wasn’t really a friend…just somebody to play games with…she was my only real friend…but umm….I screwed that one up…I’m a lier…a lie all the damn time..don’t know why…but when we first met I told her my name was "Mike" which it wasn’t..at that time I was new to being online and didn’t want her to have my real name…and to sum it up right now she thinks I’m in the Marines…probably waiting for a letter I promised her (I’ve been wanting to join the Marines my entire life..to become a MP..without HS Diploma its not possible..well unless I get a GED…which I am planning on getting..) I don’t know why I lied to her so much…I’d always tell her I was going to Marines…I’d be in by this and that…finally after a year of doing that she got to the point where she didn’t think i wanted to go that badly…then I just told her I was going…would be in by October…already signed up with everything…she was so proud…I felt like ..crap …recently I’ve been having dreams with her in it (We never exchanged pictures…talked on phone..or anything..I’m just too damn shy …but in dreams I don’t see a face really…just know its her) ..its driving me nuts…I so want to mail her and explain anything…but if she got pissed that I lied to her about all those things…decided not to talk to me anymore…i’d be crushed…might be the breaking point where I just wouldn’t care about anything anymore…go out and do something stupid…sooo…I just can’t do it…as much as I want to… Ok I’m sorry just had to get some stuff off my chest…didn’t help much but did bring back few good memories….I currently have no job and don’t have any money at all…so I can’t afford any types of drugs…or going to see a psychologist or something…..I don’t know what to do….at this rate I’m going to end up dead…(I read someplace that if you hold everything in for too long you could die) without a life at all…never been in a relationship…never had on what I should do? ..thanks (Sorry for such a long post …just got carried away..some things may not make sense..things out of place or repeated…like I said i was never good at school….that includes english)

Response:

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