demons and the hospital.
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Question:
***HUGS*** You’ll get better soon fish, just believe in yourself ***MORE HUGS*** – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hospital life is very interesting. minutes melt into hours, and before you know it, an hour has gone by, and all that hour, you realise you’ve been waiting for one thing. i sit on the old sofas and wait for my cigarette, so i can go and return to non-withdrawl for a while, and i wait for that one moment when i can say "actually, life IS worth living". i’ve been getting worse recently. very, very bad. there appears to be a new demon, who claims to be mez’s brother, called Batou (bat-oh), and he’s been really hurting me recently. they had to sedate me once too, because i was just… out of control. whenever i get bad, i can ask for sedatives now. i don’t really want to have to do that, as i’m not a big fan of the medication that’s available anyway. the phycaratrists which don’t actually do anything but make decisions, i have been forcing to talk to me, because i can’t really talk to the inpatients because they: a) mock me b) won’t understand c) have too much on their plate. so it’s all a bit.. well.. crap. the doctor told me that he thinks i’m depressed because of my "phychosis" (it actually may not be now (YAY!) because i don’t fit the labels or something.) and not the other way around, a depression which causes phycotic symptoms. i asked the doctor for an exorcist, and he seemed quite shocked, and had to convince me that i was just suffering with something, and they wern’t actually demons. i don’t buy it though. i honestly do believe that my voices are the voices of demons from the astrial plane, and that maybe i’m just channeling or something, like a phycic. a friend of mine suggested i actually go to see a phycic and see if that’s the case. also an inpatient who is like my best friend.. no, actually is my best friend, (my other "friend" left me and won’t talk to me anymore. nice.) gave me a necklace which he told me would protect me from demons, and that i had to wear it all the time. it’s not working, but i like the idea of it. anyway. i’m feeling pretty crap now, but waiting for tomorrow because he’s coming over to see how i’m doing, and tomorrow i go back to hospital.. i’m not safe at the moment. it’s scary not being safe. all the friends i made there, like the ones i really like have all been discharged! including Giles, who is my best friend right now (he gave me the necklace). but anyway. enough of my ranting. just… trying to make sense of what the HECK this is. — *- fish [ http://www.rootofpi.org/fish/ ]
– Andy Kimbrey ICQ:78749520 — Everybody needs somebody to love Everybody needs somebody to hate Everybody’s bitching ’cause they can’t get enough Well it’s hard to hold on when there’s no-one to lean on You know you’re gonna live through the rain Lord we gotta keep the faith Don’t you leave your love turn to hate Now we gotta keep the faith
Response:
My theory is valid if these things like Mez and others are a manifestation of you. That’s how you eventually saw mez, maybe you don’t now but you did for a while. I don’t know if this matters in any way, maybe I’m just trying to confuse your doctors. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – that scares me, because it sounds like all my demons put together, but not quite. it is as if my bad parts, which i have always had a difficulty expressing, have seperated into seperate beings, and because they’re bad, and angry, and i’m the easiest thing to pick on, they fight me, because that’s all they know. however, with time and much patience, i managed to make mez my friend, and make him calm and a nice person, and we’ve sort of merged together now. i hardly ever hear mez anymore. he’s just gone to sleep. i’m more like mez in my personality, i’m not sure how, but i am. i can just feel it. i still hear him, but his voice sounds weak, and very quiet. he won’t comment on anything anymore, and he has admitted that he’s not strong enough to help me. i think he’ll always be here, so he’s not exactly dead, which i like. the newest one is batou. very similar to mez when he first came, over polite, and knowing just the right things to say to people to upset them. they just… know. batou knows his place in the heirachy, as in, he follows his god, and he does what his god tells him to do. shinnimgami was mez’s god, the octopus from the astrial plane, and batou has sucsessfully managed to eradicate all traces of shinnimgami, and has told me he has killed chaos, the other one, and there is now just batou and those below him. ahhh. it’s all so messed up and confusing right now. i told my dad about autiscopic delusion just now, and described what it was, and he said it didn’t sound like me, anyway, i’ll mention it to the phycaratrists at the hospital and i’ll get them to have a look at it. hmm, i’m in a rational mood right now, i don’t know if i’m 100% rational, i’m trying to think what a normal person would think of bizzare, and a normal person would say that the astrial plane and demons do not exist, but it’s hard, you know? i do believe that they are demons from the astrial plane, and that they are probably using telepathic ways to communicate to me, and that a normal person would not think this.. i’m just trying to be rational. maybe i’m just doomed? — *- fish [ http://www.rootofpi.org/fish/ ] Once I said I thought I knew a name for what you were experiencing. I don’t know why I didn’t mention it again, I guess because you’d not asked me? NEways, an Autoscopic Delusion, categorized as a misidentification disorder, is what I was talking about. It’s not very well known nor well described. It means seeing oneself or an illusory image of oneself. I know Mez isn’t exactly you, but he does look like you and acts as an alter ego. This is not exactly an Autoscopic Delusion but the similarities made me relate it to you and Mez, etc. As best I can tell in others, the depression pre-dates the psychosis. Thats what prompted me to write this, because it goes against what one doctor was telling you. I’m not saying it’s one or the other, both have a point.
Response:
Dear Fish , I have read just about every letter that you have sent to the group , and I am so sorry , that I am unable to help you with your thoughts , feelings and fears . I just do not have the knowledge or experiences of the problems , that you have suffered from , for so long . But please believe me when I say , that I wish you well , you are so strong in your thoughts , and this will eventually , help you to overcome the your present problems . One day you will have to decide that it is time to change your thoughts , and to move on to newer things , I pray that you will find the strength to do this also . Keep safe and keep writing , you will remain in my thoughts , and I will continue to read your letters for as long as I can . Peter , ( Grand Dad )
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hospital life is very interesting. minutes melt into hours, and before you know it, an hour has gone by, and all that hour, you realise you’ve been waiting for one thing. i sit on the old sofas and wait for my cigarette, so i can go and return to non-withdrawl for a while, and i wait for that one moment when i can say "actually, life IS worth living". i’ve been getting worse recently. very, very bad. there appears to be a new demon, who claims to be mez’s brother, called Batou (bat-oh), and he’s been really hurting me recently. they had to sedate me once too, because i was just… out of control. whenever i get bad, i can ask for sedatives now. i don’t really want to have to do that, as i’m not a big fan of the medication that’s available anyway. the phycaratrists which don’t actually do anything but make decisions, i have been forcing to talk to me, because i can’t really talk to the inpatients because they: a) mock me b) won’t understand c) have too much on their plate. so it’s all a bit.. well.. crap. the doctor told me that he thinks i’m depressed because of my "phychosis" (it actually may not be now (YAY!) because i don’t fit the labels or something.) and not the other way around, a depression which causes phycotic symptoms. i asked the doctor for an exorcist, and he seemed quite shocked, and had to convince me that i was just suffering with something, and they wern’t actually demons. i don’t buy it though. i honestly do believe that my voices are the voices of demons from the astrial plane, and that maybe i’m just channeling or something, like a phycic. a friend of mine suggested i actually go to see a phycic and see if that’s the case. also an inpatient who is like my best friend.. no, actually is my best friend, (my other "friend" left me and won’t talk to me anymore. nice.) gave me a necklace which he told me would protect me from demons, and that i had to wear it all the time. it’s not working, but i like the idea of it. anyway. i’m feeling pretty crap now, but waiting for tomorrow because he’s coming over to see how i’m doing, and tomorrow i go back to hospital.. i’m not safe at the moment. it’s scary not being safe. all the friends i made there, like the ones i really like have all been discharged! including Giles, who is my best friend right now (he gave me the necklace). but anyway. enough of my ranting. just… trying to make sense of what the HECK this is. — *- fish [ http://www.rootofpi.org/fish/ ]
Response:
hospital life is very interesting. minutes melt into hours, and before you know it, an hour has gone by, and all that hour, you realise you’ve been waiting for one thing. i sit on the old sofas and wait for my cigarette, so i can go and return to non-withdrawl for a while, and i wait for that one moment when i can say "actually, life IS worth living". i’ve been getting worse recently. very, very bad. there appears to be a new demon, who claims to be mez’s brother, called Batou (bat-oh), and he’s been really hurting me recently. they had to sedate me once too, because i was just… out of control. whenever i get bad, i can ask for sedatives now. i don’t really want to have to do that, as i’m not a big fan of the medication that’s available anyway. the phycaratrists which don’t actually do anything but make decisions, i have been forcing to talk to me, because i can’t really talk to the inpatients because they: a) mock me b) won’t understand c) have too much on their plate. so it’s all a bit.. well.. crap. the doctor told me that he thinks i’m depressed because of my "phychosis" (it actually may not be now (YAY!) because i don’t fit the labels or something.) and not the other way around, a depression which causes phycotic symptoms. i asked the doctor for an exorcist, and he seemed quite shocked, and had to convince me that i was just suffering with something, and they wern’t actually demons. i don’t buy it though. i honestly do believe that my voices are the voices of demons from the astrial plane, and that maybe i’m just channeling or something, like a phycic. a friend of mine suggested i actually go to see a phycic and see if that’s the case. also an inpatient who is like my best friend.. no, actually is my best friend, (my other "friend" left me and won’t talk to me anymore. nice.) gave me a necklace which he told me would protect me from demons, and that i had to wear it all the time. it’s not working, but i like the idea of it. anyway. i’m feeling pretty crap now, but waiting for tomorrow because he’s coming over to see how i’m doing, and tomorrow i go back to hospital.. i’m not safe at the moment. it’s scary not being safe. all the friends i made there, like the ones i really like have all been discharged! including Giles, who is my best friend right now (he gave me the necklace). but anyway. enough of my ranting. just… trying to make sense of what the HECK this is. — *- fish [ http://www.rootofpi.org/fish/ ]
Response:
Once I said I thought I knew a name for what you were experiencing. I don’t know why I didn’t mention it again, I guess because you’d not asked me? NEways, an Autoscopic Delusion, categorized as a misidentification disorder, is what I was talking about. It’s not very well known nor well described. It means seeing oneself or an illusory image of oneself. I know Mez isn’t exactly you, but he does look like you and acts as an alter ego. This is not exactly an Autoscopic Delusion but the similarities made me relate it to you and Mez, etc. As best I can tell in others, the depression pre-dates the psychosis. Thats what prompted me to write this, because it goes against what one doctor was telling you. I’m not saying it’s one or the other, both have a point.
Response:
**hugs**
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – hospital life is very interesting. minutes melt into hours, and before you know it, an hour has gone by, and all that hour, you realise you’ve been waiting for one thing. i sit on the old sofas and wait for my cigarette, so i can go and return to non-withdrawl for a while, and i wait for that one moment when i can say "actually, life IS worth living". i’ve been getting worse recently. very, very bad. there appears to be a new demon, who claims to be mez’s brother, called Batou (bat-oh), and he’s been really hurting me recently. they had to sedate me once too, because i was just… out of control. whenever i get bad, i can ask for sedatives now. i don’t really want to have to do that, as i’m not a big fan of the medication that’s available anyway. the phycaratrists which don’t actually do anything but make decisions, i have been forcing to talk to me, because i can’t really talk to the inpatients because they: a) mock me b) won’t understand c) have too much on their plate. so it’s all a bit.. well.. crap. the doctor told me that he thinks i’m depressed because of my "phychosis" (it actually may not be now (YAY!) because i don’t fit the labels or something.) and not the other way around, a depression which causes phycotic symptoms. i asked the doctor for an exorcist, and he seemed quite shocked, and had to convince me that i was just suffering with something, and they wern’t actually demons. i don’t buy it though. i honestly do believe that my voices are the voices of demons from the astrial plane, and that maybe i’m just channeling or something, like a phycic. a friend of mine suggested i actually go to see a phycic and see if that’s the case. also an inpatient who is like my best friend.. no, actually is my best friend, (my other "friend" left me and won’t talk to me anymore. nice.) gave me a necklace which he told me would protect me from demons, and that i had to wear it all the time. it’s not working, but i like the idea of it. anyway. i’m feeling pretty crap now, but waiting for tomorrow because he’s coming over to see how i’m doing, and tomorrow i go back to hospital.. i’m not safe at the moment. it’s scary not being safe. all the friends i made there, like the ones i really like have all been discharged! including Giles, who is my best friend right now (he gave me the necklace). but anyway. enough of my ranting. just… trying to make sense of what the HECK this is. — *- fish [ http://www.rootofpi.org/fish/ ]
Response:
that scares me, because it sounds like all my demons put together, but not quite. it is as if my bad parts, which i have always had a difficulty expressing, have seperated into seperate beings, and because they’re bad, and angry, and i’m the easiest thing to pick on, they fight me, because that’s all they know. however, with time and much patience, i managed to make mez my friend, and make him calm and a nice person, and we’ve sort of merged together now. i hardly ever hear mez anymore. he’s just gone to sleep. i’m more like mez in my personality, i’m not sure how, but i am. i can just feel it. i still hear him, but his voice sounds weak, and very quiet. he won’t comment on anything anymore, and he has admitted that he’s not strong enough to help me. i think he’ll always be here, so he’s not exactly dead, which i like. the newest one is batou. very similar to mez when he first came, over polite, and knowing just the right things to say to people to upset them. they just… know. batou knows his place in the heirachy, as in, he follows his god, and he does what his god tells him to do. shinnimgami was mez’s god, the octopus from the astrial plane, and batou has sucsessfully managed to eradicate all traces of shinnimgami, and has told me he has killed chaos, the other one, and there is now just batou and those below him. ahhh. it’s all so messed up and confusing right now. i told my dad about autiscopic delusion just now, and described what it was, and he said it didn’t sound like me, anyway, i’ll mention it to the phycaratrists at the hospital and i’ll get them to have a look at it. hmm, i’m in a rational mood right now, i don’t know if i’m 100% rational, i’m trying to think what a normal person would think of bizzare, and a normal person would say that the astrial plane and demons do not exist, but it’s hard, you know? i do believe that they are demons from the astrial plane, and that they are probably using telepathic ways to communicate to me, and that a normal person would not think this.. i’m just trying to be rational. maybe i’m just doomed? — *- fish [ http://www.rootofpi.org/fish/ ]
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Once I said I thought I knew a name for what you were experiencing. I don’t know why I didn’t mention it again, I guess because you’d not asked me? NEways, an Autoscopic Delusion, categorized as a misidentification disorder, is what I was talking about. It’s not very well known nor well described. It means seeing oneself or an illusory image of oneself. I know Mez isn’t exactly you, but he does look like you and acts as an alter ego. This is not exactly an Autoscopic Delusion but the similarities made me relate it to you and Mez, etc. As best I can tell in others, the depression pre-dates the psychosis. Thats what prompted me to write this, because it goes against what one doctor was telling you. I’m not saying it’s one or the other, both have a point.
Response:
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