crippled board and depressed
Question:
In article <m0vUJR8-003i…@iquest.net>, fam…@IQUEST.NET writes: >. When one loses a great deal of the quality of life, it >is only normal to question what your life is about now or if you even wish >this kind of life.
This certainly does ring a bell. Kathi
Response:
On 20 Nov 96 at 8:44, Brian wrote: > it has been 12 long years now, nothing works but my voice and my > brain about 1/2 the time. I spend all my time sitting in front of > my computer, talking to DragonDictate and trying to entertain > myself. With so much free time on my hands my mind seems to > constantly think about death. Am I alone in thinking about this?
Brian, I didn’t receive your message via the list until today, so I hope that this reply still makes some difference. I am sure you have heard from others on the list who have told you are certainly not alone in thinking about dying. I do not know if depression is actually part of MS itself or if the difficulties of MS precipitate it. I tend to think it is a symptom just like numbness or weakness. Many people with MS report depression. I have been clinically depressed a number of times in my life — before and after the diagnosis. Thoughts of death are a hallmark symptom of clinical depression. The good news is that there are things that can be done to treat depression. Mine responds well to SSRI drugs. Paxil helped enormously several years ago. When a new bout came along, my doctor put me on prozac. I take neither right now because I am feeling very stable and positive. However, they are there if I need them. The other proven treatment for depression is exercise. A number of studies have shown improvement with walking or other exercise programs. One of the problems is that in the depths of depression, exercise is just about the last thing on anyone’s mind. I swim daily and have found it a lifesaver. Several years ago, I walked off a lot of depression, but can no longer do that. However, I am very concerned that you cannot get out of the house at all. Isolation is a very cruel enemy. I’ve been more or less housebound myself over the past three weeks with an exacerbation. Saturday I was able to get the electric chair into the car and go to the Mall. What a wonderful feeling. I wasn’t very steady, but I just rolled around and was around people. I don’t know your situation, but could we brainstorm some ways to get you out a bit. Are you able to get into a wheelchair? Do you have medicare? Medicare can help with some of the costs and there are other resources. Before I had my own electric chair, I used to go shopping in stores with scooters. But depression makes it very hard to take any steps forward at all. Just your letter is one step. There must be others that will help. Don’t hesitate to e-mail me if you’d like to do some brainstorming. Kate M. k…@ix.netcom.com
Response:
In article <199612051709.JAA28…@dfw-ix10.ix.netcom.com>, k…@IX6.IX.NETCOM.COM says… >On 20 Nov 96 at 8:44, Brian wrote: >> it has been 12 long years now, nothing works but my voice and my >> brain about 1/2 the time. I spend all my time sitting in front of >> my computer, talking to DragonDictate and trying to entertain >> myself. With so much free time on my hands my mind seems to >> constantly think about death. Am I alone in thinking about this?
If you keep thinking of yourself as crippled, you will naturally get depressed. Try not to send yourself negative messages about yourself. Look for the good. Regards, Sly
Response:
At 08:44 AM 11/20/96 GMT, you wrote: >it has been 12 long years now, nothing works but my voice and my brain >about 1/2 the time.
HI: I’m so glad you wrote the group. Nothing you wish to express is silly or crazy. I think, in the circumstances in which you find yourself, your feelings are normal. When one loses a great deal of the quality of life, it is only normal to question what your life is about now or if you even wish this kind of life. Would it be possible for you to contact the MS Society in your state to see if perhaps they have volunteers to take you to support meetings or just to get out. Would it be possible, even occasionally, for your son to help? I realize he has his own life but you are part of that life. Your coping under these conditions is remarkable and my hat is off to you. It shows someone who is very strong and yet I understand that strength only goes so far. That is normal also. So, no you are not crazy and not alone. Probably all of us, depending on the circumstances we find ourselves in at any given point, think these thoughts. Professional help would probably benefit you. Depression is common with MS. Have you talked to your dr about an anti-depressant medication. If you are already on one, perhaps your medicine needs to be changed. My thoughts are with you. Pam McHenry Indpls IN
Response:
Hi, I only know that when you die you will be absoutely amazed and full of joy. I also know that taking your own life is not the way to get there. I think about dying too and know I must wait my time. I wish for you some peace of mind and God’s speed. There is a test to know when your job on earth is done. If your still here then its not done yet. Ted My friends call me Ted. At 08:44 AM 11/20/96 GMT, you wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->it has been 12 long years now, nothing works but my voice and my brain >about 1/2 the time. I spend all my time sitting in front of my computer, >talking to DragonDictate and trying to entertain myself. With so much free >time on my hands my mind seems to constantly think about death. Am I alone >in thinking about this? I don’t want to die or commit suicide but it stays >on my mind constantly. I haven’t left the house in over two years and >maybe I’m just a bit stir crazy from being here every day. No one comes to >visit, my son is almost grown and spends alot of time with sports and >friends as he should, But my main question is, does anybody else out >there think about dying? I feel just a little strange when it pops in my >mind day and night. I can’t afford to die nor do I want to die but I have >this helpless feeling in my dreams and even when I’m awake. Should I talk >to a professional and if so, who? I even feel kinda dumb typing this letter >because I’m afraid I may be losing my mind due to M.S. or medicine. Or >maybe my fear is that I’m not ready to go, I have to many things I want to >see and do but no way to do them. > AM I ALONE IN THINKING ABOUT THIS?
My friends call me Ted.
Response:
At 04:28 AM 11/21/96 -0800, you wrote: >Brian wrote: >> Anyone would be stir crazy after two years, someone somehow
has to find a way to get you out, quads from accidents go out, and the suggestion of a therapist is a good. > I haven’t left the house in over two years and >> maybe I’m just a bit stir crazy from being here every day. No one comes to >> visit, my son is almost grown and spends alot of time with sports and >> friends as he should, But my main question is, does anybody else out >> there think about dying?
as peter said you are not alone in thinking about dying i thinks it is natural, but are you talking about death or thoughts of suicide, I have both. I see a therapist every other week, I’m not ready to die either but on some days the pain is so horrible that I toy with the idea, but that’s all. My therapist is trained to deal with peope with chronic illnesses. I don’t know where you live but it seems to me you need an advocate who could conect you with various agencies, so that you could get out. I hope this helps, even I find it better to go out once in a while, but I’m physically not as bad as you, it’s snowing now, I don’t dare to drive, so I’ll be stuck in all day, and yes it’s the pits. __..–”“—….___ _…_ __ /// //_.-’ .-/"; ` “<._ “.”_ `. luv and meow ///_.-’ _..–.’_ `( ) ) // // susan / (_..-’ // (< _ ;_..__ ; `’ / /// / // // // `-._,_)’ // / “–…____..-’ /// / // Dreams are the touchstones of our characters. Thoreau (1817-1862)
Response:
it has been 12 long years now, nothing works but my voice and my brain about 1/2 the time. I spend all my time sitting in front of my computer, talking to DragonDictate and trying to entertain myself. With so much free time on my hands my mind seems to constantly think about death. Am I alone in thinking about this? I don’t want to die or commit suicide but it stays on my mind constantly. I haven’t left the house in over two years and maybe I’m just a bit stir crazy from being here every day. No one comes to visit, my son is almost grown and spends alot of time with sports and friends as he should, But my main question is, does anybody else out there think about dying? I feel just a little strange when it pops in my mind day and night. I can’t afford to die nor do I want to die but I have this helpless feeling in my dreams and even when I’m awake. Should I talk to a professional and if so, who? I even feel kinda dumb typing this letter because I’m afraid I may be losing my mind due to M.S. or medicine. Or maybe my fear is that I’m not ready to go, I have to many things I want to see and do but no way to do them. AM I ALONE IN THINKING ABOUT THIS?
Response:
Brian, Nah, you are not alone in thinking about that. Hell, I used to think about it all the time, and that was before I got MS. In fact, having just been diagnosed, I’m a bit frightened that the thoughts will come back again. I mean, I _just_ got over that period of my life, and now this sh** starts! It does sound like you need to get out more though. Where do you live? The chances that you live close enough for me to visit are slim…but it’s worth asking, right? I have seen professionals for these types of thoughts, and it helps. Make sure you get someone you like though. Shop around! The last guy I went to has AIDS, and could relate to this chronic illness stuff. I’m thinking of going back, just to help me get used to my new ‘disease’. I am new to this group, but I’m sure others will have a lot of good ideas for you. If you are bored, write me sometime, I love e-mail!!! Laura J
Response:
On 20 Nov 1996 08:44:03 GMT, "Brian" <Sno…@usit.net> wrote: >I haven’t left the house in over two years and maybe I’m just a bit stir >crazy from being here every day. No one comes to visit. >But my main question is, does anybody else out there think about dying?
Hi Brian, You are NOT ALONE. A lot of people think about death and dying with MS and without it too. You do sound depressed to me, and as I suffer from depression and am taking Zoloft for it, I do know where you’re coming from. I am also homebound, as I can’t drive a car anymore. I have a van with lift for my scooter, but fall asleep, so no longer trust myself to get behind the wheel. I do know a quad who drives. Her name is Joni Earekson Tada and she writes a column in Accent On Living too. If a quad can drive, why can’t you? IMHO, I think you should see a doctor or phychologist who specializes in chronic illness. An MD can prescribe anti-depressives for you too. I see a phychiatrist for the depression and the meds. I don’t have to see her very often, maybe once every few months now, but I still do see her. It helps me to have a live person to talk to sometimes too. I do love this group and am glad you came to join us and ask for advice. I am so sorry you’re feeling the way you are, and do hope you get some professional help. Maybe if you call the MS Society, Association, or Foundation, whichever is closest to your home, they may also have a recommendation for you. They may even have a group that meets locally for you to go to. Then, you’d get out. You’ve definitely been inside too long. Hugs to you, Stelle
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Brian wrote: > it has been 12 long years now, nothing works but my voice and my brain > about 1/2 the time. I spend all my time sitting in front of my computer, > talking to DragonDictate and trying to entertain myself. With so much free > time on my hands my mind seems to constantly think about death. Am I alone > in thinking about this? I don’t want to die or commit suicide but it stays > on my mind constantly. I haven’t left the house in over two years and > maybe I’m just a bit stir crazy from being here every day. No one comes to > visit, my son is almost grown and spends alot of time with sports and > friends as he should, But my main question is, does anybody else out > there think about dying? I feel just a little strange when it pops in my > mind day and night. I can’t afford to die nor do I want to die but I have > this helpless feeling in my dreams and even when I’m awake. Should I talk > to a professional and if so, who? I even feel kinda dumb typing this letter > because I’m afraid I may be losing my mind due to M.S. or medicine. Or > maybe my fear is that I’m not ready to go, I have to many things I want to > see and do but no way to do them. > AM I ALONE IN THINKING ABOUT THIS?
You are definitely not alone in thinking about death. However, it appears as though you may be obsessing about it more than some for which you should probably seek help through a psychiatrist. While my condition is not as advanced as yours, and maybe never will be, I have thought at times that maybe death wouldn’t be so bad. I’ve never contemplated or attempted suicide, but the thought of dying does not bother me like it once did. It’s just my opinion, but given your condition, I can understand how you might spend an inordinate amount of time contemplating death. As I indicated before, I really think you should see psychiatrist or psychologist (fully licensed) who have experience with MS patients. I don’t know if you’re taking any now or want to take any, but there are very effective mediations to alleviate depression. Good Luck and let us know how you’re doing! Ralph
Response:
Hi Brian, I think about ‘offing’ myself sometimes, but I am too much of a savage to ever do it . Can you get some counseling? Are you using and antidepressant? Can you talk with your son? Please write and tell us . I for one care. ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) B.J. on the laptop "Sharpy" M.S.- THE DISEASE OF USED TO BE. *HUGS* Take charge of your health-care, you are the boss and you are the one the meds./treatments affect. http://www.shentel.net/homeofbj I will ALWAYS be a member of ‘the trend setters’ club and not the ‘trend followers club’ BBG
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