Depression Learning

Can I Force Him To Leave?

Question:

You can’t have him committed unless he is a danger to himself or others. More then likely he would be held of observation, if that even happens and released to home again. Even she managed to talk him into signing himself in, he could leave at any time. You can’t force someone to take medication or go to counseling.

From experience I *know* that depression is a serious, horrible situation for many people.  However, the fact is that you CANNOT help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.  Even the depressed have to reach some point where they decide that THEY want to get better… and if that means taking pills or going to a counselor, then so be it, bring it on.  Until then… nothing ANYONE ELSE does will make a damn bit of difference.   It sounds like this man is going down and attempting to take his family with him.  If the wife has done all she can, and he refuses to take part in his own salvation so to speak, there’s nothing to do but leave him.   You CANNOT help someone who doesn’t give a damn about their own problems, especially when they also don’t care what they are doing to their family. amy — amy young-leith                     http://ezinfo.ucs.indiana.edu/~alyoung 1986 Shadow VT1100 (Dmitri)                     *Speaking only for myself* Computer Geek, Department of Psychology                           855.5542

Response:

if you were in NJ, the only way you could force him out of the house would be if he were physically abusive AND you had "proof" of that either by way of a complaint or physical damage. Believe me, I know–I’m stuck in the same house with my ex until its sold. Otherwise, please TRY and help your husband. I know it must be exhausting for you and the kids, but he is mentally ill, not just a mean ogre. (like some exs) If you just abandon him would your children ever forgive you? Please TAKE him to a doctor, have him get a complete physical, ask your doc what he would advise, make sure he’s on medication AND make sure he has counseling. All of you should go to the counseling, too.  If none of the above works, then ask a social worker what the next steps should be. Do it legally, do it kindly. Take care–and take care of yourself too.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – He refuses to get medical help and I have not found any way to force him to get it. Life with him in the house is becoming unbearable.  I need to know if there is any way besides divorce to force him to leave our house. Joan,      I in no way know everything about your situation. Maybe you have tried everything you know how to try to get your husband to get help. One thing I don’t know if you REALLY realize is that a symptom of clinical depression is a feeling that NOTHING you do is ever going to make you feel better. It’s not laziness, it’s not not caring, it’s not a conscious decision not to do the things that will help you. It is an overwhelming sense of helplessness and hope- lessness about your life and your situation. It’s an inertia of the soul and mind.      As someone else posted, it seems that trying to force him to leave the house either by separation, divorce or whatever will only serve to send him even deeper into this depression with what could be disastrous results. I would suggest something similar to an ‘in- tervention’ with friends and family around to help him to understand he MUST seek the help he needs. Involuntary commitment might be something to consider, also.      I am in no way trying to deny that you and your children have gone through some incredibly rough and trying times. But, clinical depression IS a treatable disease and if you could get your husband to the point where it IS being treated, wouldn’t it be better for all of you? Maybe divorce is not the only solution here.

Well, I think she said she tried to get him to go to a doctor. He refused. I think that the suggestion to make him get medical attention is pretty pointless as it’s been tried. I don’t think we should pin his problem with depression on her as her responsibility to make him get treatment. People don’t get treatment until they hit bottom sometimes. Maybe this guy has it too easy. He can just sit and rot on the couch and there’s no downside. And treatment doesn’t always cure. Sometimes it doesn’t even help. It isn’t going to do a hell of a lot of good if he doesn’t even WANT the help. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Good luck and e-mail me if you wish, Tracey

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I would like to know if I can get a legal separation and file for exclusive occupancy of our house and force my husband to leave.  We live in New York State. Here is a short overview of the situation: My husband was diagnosed in 1990 with Clinical Depression. He was being counseled and he was given medication which he took for a week or so.  He left his job and has not worked since.   As time has gone by he has done less and less.  He basically does nothing but sleep, watch TV, and eat.  He is verbally abusive to me.  He refuses to leave the house and becomes upset when the girls and I do.  He tries to make our daughters feel guilty for wanting to do things with their friends, at school, at church, etc.   He refuses to get medical help and I have not found any way to force him to get it. Life with him in the house is becoming unbearable.  I need to know if there is any way besides divorce to force him to leave our house. Joan

Ack!  That’s scary. Unfortunately, most of the other posts are right:  You can’t force him to get help or take medication.  I’m not posturing as an expert in clinical depression by any means, but I’m familiar with some of the milder forms of the disorder (e.g. dysthymia) and it’s true that there are feelings involved that range between helplessness and "why bother?"   Tracey suggested an intervention; that seems to be about the most sensible idea.  Failing that, you may, for the sake of your own sanity (and the kids’), have to consider flirting with disaster by leaving him, if he won’t leave you.  In the long run you’re not responsible for his unwillingness to get help.  It’s not a great solution, but I don’t really think that there are any this time around. Good Luck. Claude Diagnosed With Clinical Recession "I want to tell you, I feel hung up and I don’t know why I don’t mind I can wait forever, I’ve got time" –George Harrison

Response:

<<[I would like to know if I can get a legal separation and file for [exclusive occupancy of our house and force my husband to leave.  We live [in New York State. [ [Here is a short overview of the situation: [ [My husband was diagnosed in 1990 with Clinical Depression. He was being [counseled and he was given medication which he took for a week or so.  He [left his job and has not worked since.   [As time has gone by he has done less and less.  He basically does nothing [but sleep, watch TV, and eat.  He is verbally abusive to me.  He refuses [to leave the house and becomes upset when the girls and I do.  He tries to [make our daughters feel guilty for wanting to do things with their [friends, at school, at church, etc.   [ [He refuses to get medical help and I have not found any way to force him [to get it. Life with him in the house is becoming unbearable.  I need to [know if there is any way besides divorce to force him to leave our house. [ [Joan Seems to me you should get legal help right away.  It is not good for your children to be around him unless and until he gets some help for himself. You can’t force him to get help and take medications, but perhaps he will if he knows it is that or lose his family.

Response:

I would like to know if I can get a legal separation and file for exclusive occupancy of our house and force my husband to leave.  We live in New York State. Here is a short overview of the situation: My husband was diagnosed in 1990 with Clinical Depression. He was being counseled and he was given medication which he took for a week or so.  He left his job and has not worked since.   As time has gone by he has done less and less.  He basically does nothing but sleep, watch TV, and eat.  He is verbally abusive to me.  He refuses to leave the house and becomes upset when the girls and I do.  He tries to make our daughters feel guilty for wanting to do things with their friends, at school, at church, etc.   He refuses to get medical help and I have not found any way to force him to get it. Life with him in the house is becoming unbearable.  I need to know if there is any way besides divorce to force him to leave our house. Joan

Response:

[I would like to know if I can get a legal separation and file for [exclusive occupancy of our house and force my husband to leave.  We live [in New York State. [ [Here is a short overview of the situation: [ [My husband was diagnosed in 1990 with Clinical Depression. He was being [counseled and he was given medication which he took for a week or so.  He [left his job and has not worked since.   [As time has gone by he has done less and less.  He basically does nothing [but sleep, watch TV, and eat.  He is verbally abusive to me.  He refuses [to leave the house and becomes upset when the girls and I do.  He tries to [make our daughters feel guilty for wanting to do things with their [friends, at school, at church, etc.   [ [He refuses to get medical help and I have not found any way to force him [to get it. Life with him in the house is becoming unbearable.  I need to [know if there is any way besides divorce to force him to leave our house. [ [Joan Well, you could shoot him.  It would be kinder to him in the long run that to have the one person he most trusts throw him out of the house and of the family. Or are you trying to push him from mere clinical depression to straight suicide? I think that rather than doing all that, you should look into having him committed — as a lever to get him to get his counseling, take his pills and get himself straight AT HOME.

Response:

Well, you could shoot him.  It would be kinder to him in the long run that to have the one person he most trusts throw him out of the house and of the family. Or are you trying to push him from mere clinical depression to straight suicide? I think that rather than doing all that, you should look into having him committed — as a lever to get him to get his counseling, take his pills and get himself straight AT HOME.

You can’t have him committed unless he is a danger to himself or others. More then likely he would be held of observation, if that even happens and released to home again. Even she managed to talk him into signing himself in, he could leave at any time. You can’t force someone to take medication or go to counseling. — Lainey Lifes Little Instruction Book–H. Jackson Brown Jr. 52  Avoid overexposure to the sun. 53  Vote. 54  Surprise loved ones with little unexpected gifts. 55  Stop blaming others.  Take *responsibility* for every     area of your life. 56  Never mention being on a diet.

Response:

He refuses to get medical help and I have not found any way to force him to get it. Life with him in the house is becoming unbearable.  I need to know if there is any way besides divorce to force him to leave our house.

Joan,      I in no way know everything about your situation. Maybe you have tried everything you know how to try to get your husband to get help. One thing I don’t know if you REALLY realize is that a symptom of clinical depression is a feeling that NOTHING you do is ever going to make you feel better. It’s not laziness, it’s not not caring, it’s not a conscious decision not to do the things that will help you. It is an overwhelming sense of helplessness and hope- lessness about your life and your situation. It’s an inertia of the soul and mind.      As someone else posted, it seems that trying to force him to leave the house either by separation, divorce or whatever will only serve to send him even deeper into this depression with what could be disastrous results. I would suggest something similar to an ‘in- tervention’ with friends and family around to help him to understand he MUST seek the help he needs. Involuntary commitment might be something to consider, also.      I am in no way trying to deny that you and your children have gone through some incredibly rough and trying times. But, clinical depression IS a treatable disease and if you could get your husband to the point where it IS being treated, wouldn’t it be better for all of you? Maybe divorce is not the only solution here. Good luck and e-mail me if you wish, Tracey

Response:

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