Depression Learning

But you <LOOK> good – long, but supportive

Question:

Chris, Thanks so much for posting this!  I am going to print it off as well as send the url to certain individuals who think I am lying.  I went to our command Christmas party on Saturday night and had an excellent time; unfortunately there were some folks around me who, I feel, think I am lying but cannot prove it.  So, I’m sure they are going to give their "full report" to the detailer who is here today to visit.  All I can say it let them; woe be unto them if they do that to me though. God forbid any of us try to exist daily in life. Deeanna

Response:

On Mon, 06 Dec 1999 09:07:40 -0800, Chris Drew <cd…@cerfnet.com> wrote: here is the requested repost muppie btw Chris… Thank you – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text ->This is from IDA, the invisible disabilities website.   >www.orci.com/~invisible >Exerpts from the pamphlet: >What Is A Chronic Illness, Anyway? >A chronic illness is a disease or disorder that a person has to cope >with on a continuous basis. Many people become so ill, they are unable >to work and are forced to give up activities they have always enjoyed. >Often their illness goes undiagnosed for years, leaving thousands of >people frustrated, depressed and without answers to why their bodies >will not cooperate with their desires. >But, They "LOOK" Fine!  How Can They Be Ill? >Many chronic illnesses such as: Arthritis, Chemical Depression, Crohn’s >Disease, CFIDS, Cystic Fibrosis, Diabetes, Fibromyalgia, Heart >Disorders, Hypothyroidism, IBS, Lyme Disease, Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis, >Neurological Disorders, Osteoporosis, Parkinson’s, RSD, Women’s Chronic >Disorders and many, many others cannot be seen with the naked eye, but >are nevertheless persistently keeping the person from enjoying life the >way they once knew **(this is only a sample of the dozens of illnesses >which can be debilitating and not intended to be a complete list)! >Unfortunately, their families and friends are rarely supportive and >understanding, because they do not see a broken bone or bleeding head to >confirm the complaints. However, do not expect to see a disease that >lives below the skin, because most illnesses are invisible until the >person has had chemo or organ failure! Your friend or family member >needs you to believe what they are saying is true, without judgment or >question. >So, They Have"Good" & "Bad" Days, Right? >Actually, not everyone with a chronic illness has the same symptoms or >degree of symptoms; yet, there are basically three stages in any chronic >illness: >1) THE EARLY STAGE: This person may notice occasional symptoms or lack >of energy. They start experiencing setbacks from activities which >previously never took a thought. If diagnosed in this stage, which is >rare, many can get help from their doctors and proper nutrition to cure >or prevent further progression of the disease. This person has mostly >"good" days with occasional "bad" days. >2) THE MIDDLE STAGE (or the Relapsing/Remitting Stage): This person may >have frequent bouts of symptoms and is forced to make limitations for >themselves in order to avoid extreme fatigue and relapse of illness. >They reluctantly begin discovering that the simple things they used to >enjoy, now must be done with care or sacrificed completely. In this >stage, some can lower the frequency of relapse and progression of the >disease with help from their doctors and proper nutrition. This person >has both "good" and "bad" days, depending on activity and stress. >3) THE LATE STAGE (or the Chronic/Progressive Stage): This person’s >disease has progressed to the point where it does not remit. They live >each and every day with symptoms that feel much like having the stomach >flu, complete with extreme to unimaginable fatigue, muscle aches, >weakness, nausea, cognitive difficulties, dizziness and/or pain.   >When they push themselves to do what used to be easy, like dusting a >piece of furniture, going to a relative’s house or doing a load of >laundry, they pay a high price, because their symptoms worsen to an >unbearable level for days and even months. In cases like Multiple >Sclerosis, the treating drugs available are affective only for persons >in stages 1 and 2. This person does not have "good" days, only "bad" >days and "horrific" days.   >But, What If They "Give In" To The Illness?   >When a young ice skater named, Nancy Karrigan was assaulted and suffered >a leg injury, she faced the possibility of losing all of which she had >dreamed; the whole world cried with Nancy, because it could have meant >the end of her skating career! Yet, when a person loses their job or is >forced to give up their career due to illness, for some reason, people >often treat them like they are choosing to do so; and, they are often >insensitive to the fact that the sufferer has lost all for which they >have worked, planned and hoped for their future. >Most people do not "give in" to illness; in fact, it is ingrained in our >nature to fight to survive as hard and as long as humanly possibly. If >you believe that your loved one is "giving in" to the illness, because >they have given up their usual activities, this is just your perception >of how they are handling their limitations. >When a person first experiences the effects of a chronic illness, they >have a fantastic attitude about conquering it; they feel strong and >invincible to its grip. Even if the disease progresses, they will >continue to fight for their right to live the way they planned their >lives to be; and, they will stay persistent in the battle until their >bodies force them to make limitations. >Creating limitations for oneself is one of the hardest things a person >can do. It goes against everything we are and everything we ever hoped >to be. No one wants to be sick and no one ever chooses to give up those >things in life which bring such joy. Yet, these limitations are >mandatory in managing a chronic illness; so, respect their new >boundaries by acknowledging their losses and supporting their need to >say, "No." >We, as chronic illness sufferers, do not want to give up; we want to >laugh, smile, look our best and enjoy life; after all, it is our >incredible courage, perseverance and persistence to fight for our lives >which make our painful disabilities seem invisible to the naked eye.   >Well, I Still Don’t Understand! >At least once in your life, you have probably experienced having to stay >home from work or school, because you were too sick to go; incidently, I >have yet to meet someone who has a cold or the flu, tell me they are >having the time of their lives and enjoying every minute of it! Or, you >may have been hurt in an accident and were forced to give up activities >you loved for weeks or even months; so, you know how stressful, >depressing and frustrating being unable to do what you want to do can >be! >Now, when I refer to being sick, I am not talking about feeling just a >little "under the weather" or just not "up to" going to work that day. I >am talking about being so sick you can barely sit up or talk, having a >fever that makes every muscle ache and your bones feel like they are >being crushed. Then, when you try to get up to go to the bathroom, your >head pounds, your body feels like it weighs a ton and you become dizzy >and nauseous. >Just imagine feeling that way every single day, week after week and year >after year. True, some chronic illness sufferers have a few "good days" >in between, but many do not have any at all! So, if you see them out and >smiling, does that mean they are having a "good day?" Not necessarily! >Many times they cannot wait for a "good day" to get out, because they do >not have them; thus, they make the sacrifice, sitting there in horrible >agony and knowing they will pay dearly for it later! >No human being can be at peace with being sick day in and day out! In >fact, most people become very frustrated and impatient after just a few >hours; then, if it lasts a few days, they become panicked and angry >about missing work, school or other activities; next, they become >depressed and act like a week out of their busy lives is the end of the >world! Yet, they often treat their loved ones like losing months and >years out of their lives is no big deal! So, why would you expect your >loved one to be happy with losing years of their lives, when you cannot >stand to even lose a few days? >It is true, you will never fully comprehend what it is like to be >chronically ill, with all of the loss and pain it poses. You will never >know what it is like to feel horrible every day and you will never have >a grasp at what it is like to watch your lifetime dreams come crashing >down forever. So, stop using the excuse that you do not have >understanding and start focusing on whether or not you have compassion! >In all, your loved one just wants you see their courage in enduring a >life of feeling sick, achy and exhausted all of the time; and, you have >the capacity to know you would not want to feel this way every day >yourself! You know how horrible it is to be sick and forced to put your >life on hold for a while, so why don’t you tell them how amazed you are >at their strength and perseverance! >It Seems like I Am Always Saying The Wrong Thing! >What can sometimes be even harder to bear than the illness itself, is >feeling alone in the daily struggle and mourning of lifelong dreams. As >pieces of oneself die off bit by bit, isolation consumes them when >others refuse to affirm their pain. By repeatedly trying to "cheer them >up" and make them see the "bright side" you are not validating their >pain, but instead saying, "I don’t want to hear the truth" or "your >losses don’t matter." On the other hand, if you acknowledge their >losses, they will no longer be compelled to gain your belief by having >to explain their situation over and over again. >Resist the temptation to make a visual diagnosis by saying, "gee, you >look you’re feeling good today" or "hey, you must be doing well." They >may look like they are feeling well, because there is joy in their face >from seeing you; however, your comment will only make them realize they >are alone in their battle, since you are evidently unaware of their >insurmountable hurdles. >In other words, by rebutting their answers with, "But you LOOK good," >your friend really hears, "But, I don’t believe you, because you look >fine to me." Instead try, "I am so glad to see you," "wow, I can’t >imagine what you go through, you are amazing!" "you look

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