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Question:
Make a list. Doctors love it when you make a list. I have a list of all my meds and who prescribed them and what they are for (I have 13 pills), Make another list of what is going on and why you came to see him. My docs love it when I do this because then I won’t walk out the door and think there was something I should have told him. Val in Boise
I often make a list for me to remember things, but maybe I should for him…. Thanks Val, Bonnie
Response:
Glad I could make you feel better. Unfortunately my A/C broke yesterday and even with fans on I’m starting to sweat and smell things I haven’t smelled before. I hope its not me. Here in Miami theres no chance in being confortable without A/C unless you have a FLorida room. I feel miserable about this but The asswipe of an A/C man we have is getting the boot and we’ve only had this brand new central A/C for a month. Fine it can break, things happen but at least come and fix it. What if we were old people? Anyway, screw the warranty I’m getting a new guy. Glad I could help. Maybe we can give the little shadow children names. 1/2 of Alex
I’m sorry Alex. I can’t stand to be too hot like that. I hope it gets repaired very soon and in the meantime drink a lot of cold drinks on ice. Bonnie
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Bonnie, do you have a psychiatrist? If so, think of yourself as a team. He is on the team, your regular doctor is on the team, the eye doctor is on the team, the dentist is on the team, the nurses in the offices are also on your team. The team is called ‘Keep Bonnie happy and well. Make sure you also are on the team. If not, the team cannot exist. The pdoc is happy to hear from you, I do it by fax. He has his nurse then call in a prescription for me. Don’t try to talk to the pdoc as he is very busy, but the nursing staff is also on the team. They will tell him you are having a bad time and they will tell him.
That is a good way of looking at it. I have been seeing the same pdoc for several years. I have an appointment with him Tuesday. I just have to get an organized list before I go. Easier said than done these days. But I will try. Thanks Val, Bonnie
Response:
Make a list. Doctors love it when you make a list. I have a list of all my meds and who prescribed them and what they are for (I have 13 pills), Make another list of what is going on and why you came to see him. My docs love it when I do this because then I won’t walk out the door and think there was something I should have told him.
Speaking of lists and forgetting to take pills and how many pills to take, this is what I do. I have a list of all the pills I take for all of my problems, including BP. I have it on the side of the refrigerator. To make life easier, I’ve worked with my Dr’s so that I only take pills twice a day, once in the morning, once in the evening. I have one of those seven cavity pill holders for morning, one for evening. Every Sunday morning, I fill each hole while reading from the lists on the side of the refrigerator. Then I just open the lid each morning and take all the pills. Then I do the same thing each evening. It makes it so easy. — Manic depression befriends me, Hear his voice; Sanity now it’s beyond me, There’s no choice -Ozzy Osbourne
Response:
Glad I could make you feel better. Unfortunately my A/C broke yesterday and even with fans on I’m starting to sweat and smell things I haven’t smelled before. I hope its not me. Here in Miami theres no chance in being confortable without A/C unless you have a FLorida room. I feel miserable about this but The asswipe of an A/C man we have is getting the boot and we’ve only had this brand new central A/C for a month. Fine it can break, things happen but at least come and fix it. What if we were old people? Anyway, screw the warranty I’m getting a new guy. Glad I could help. Maybe we can give the little shadow children names. 1/2 of Alex
We could start a new game show. "Name that Hallucination." c
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My twin sister! Where have you been! Sorry I cannot help you but helped me by having the exact same problems. You just did help me by reminding me that I am not the only person in the world that feels like this – that there are some others that understand. I’m miserable and don’t finish a thing either. I’m dizzy also. My head goes numb and one of my ears ring once a day. I have big plans and can’t finish. I have a llist and forget to look at it. What was I thinking when I wrote the damn list? I don’t remember anything. There are so many projects I want to do. I’ve had some plans for months, others for years. I don’t get them done. I just repeatedly try and plan them out. I feel like an idiot and hate myself because I’m just running in place all the time. I see shadows moving around. I don’t talk to anyone about it unless they catch me doing something weird. It is hard to mention that to others – they really don’t understand that. It doesn’t happen to me much but occasionally it does and I will see a dark flash run by me really fast like a small child running but when I turn to look nothing is there. I’m everything at once but nothing at all. I take 4 meds and they don’t fell like they’re doinga dman thing! Not even the Adderral which is suppossed to help me concentrate does anything. I’m still ill and the abilify doesn’t stop the madness. The welbutrin as far as I know is a vitamin. The trileptal is another vitamin. I’m going to hit maximum dosages going at this rate. I know it has something to do with the earth changing. Something is going on. Our concienses/spirits are changing to a different frequency. Too many people are head sick. I feel for you and so do the rest here, but. I’m sorry Alex. The whole med thing is a pain in the butt for sure. I wish I could help you. One minute I think I’m doing great and the next I’m a mess. I guess if we all keep supporting each other here then at least we will know we are not alone. I’m going outside while I can but I don’t wan them to look at me that way. I’m in pain at your side. The underlying sadness that keeps me there no matter what. I cycle so much every day and am freaking in my head, so if the same is happening to you, you must do something now! You have to slow it down! The spinning won’t stop if you wait for alternatives. Everyone here listens and provides wonderful help but don’t sit around and get worse, if your sitting around and can’t do anything of corse. Please don’t listen to me if thispost was nothing helpful, Don’t let me sadden you. The others here will provide you with the right advice. I just wantedto respond because I’m in tremendous pain. Thank you for posting something I can relate to. 1/2 of Alex Alex, thank you so much for your help. You are very kind and understanding to write and let me know that you do know what I’m talking about. I hope you find something to help you very soon – I really do. Bonnie I got back home one week ago. (after spending several weeks out of state helping my brother who had the bone marrow transplant) I am having such a hard time readjusting to my life. While I was with him all of my thoughts and time was zeroed in on caring for and helping him, a kind of intentional tunnel vision. Now I just can not get back in the swing of things. I have these terrible nightmares every night. Really bad and also strange ones. I don’t think I did much dreaming when I was gone mainly because I did not sleep much. Now either I have those nightmares or I don’t sleep. The other night I was up all night with severe paranoid thoughts. I was convinced certain people were saying all these bad things about me behind my back and also keeping things from me. I sometimes feel I can’t trust anyone especially those close to me. This scares me because when I get like this I can not distinguish real problems from imagined ones and often end up saying or doing things that I regret later. My thoughts keep speeding by and I have so many different projects I want to get done but all I can manage is getting all these thoughts tangled up in my head. I don’t get anything accomplished at all. Then I get frustrated with myself and either get angry or depressed because I have such big plans and I do nothing about them. Yes! I know I have problems like this on and off but it has been so much worse since I came back home. I feel confused, lost and almost dizzy at times. I feel down and depressed at the same time my thoughts are spinning. One minute I think I am in perfect control and I can do anything then the next minute I realize I can’t do anything at all but think about what I want to do. I can’t even think about it clearly because I have to think about 4 or 5 different major projects at once instead of one at a time. Yes! I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say here. I don’t know where my mental state is because it keeps changing. I’m scared but don’t want to tell anyone that because they won’t understand. I see my pdoc next week but I am very bad about not telling him everything I should – I think because I have been in the habit all my life of hiding many of my emotional problems and now I do that automatically. I cover things up even from myself at times. I need to separate things out in my head and life however that is much easier said than done. I’m a big list maker but even that does not help me any longer. yes! Do I scream now or play like nothing’s wrong? I never know. Bonnie
Response:
I used to have really vivid dreams before meds even. Really horrible gory, disturbing dreams. I dreamed that I had been posessed by a demon, that I was watching someone being tortured, my dad was shot in front of me, I was burned in a nuclear explosion, I was hung up and speared with spikes, horrible dreams. I hate them. I can’t sleep afterwards. Helen
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I hear you. I too have been having really bad nightmares lately. Last night I had two bad ones. The first one had a buddy of mine in it who got dumped by his girlfriend a couple of days ago. We were being chased by a bunch of really pissed off ex-boyfriends (I met one of my new GF’s ex’s yesterday). In the second one my mother found me again and she was a really screwed up homeless person (I don’t speak to my mother because she gets into a major depression whenever I come into her life). Both times I woke up drenched in sweat. I’m kind of thinking that they might be a result of my recent bump up to 100 mg/night of Trazodone. I was taking 50 mg before and only getting 5-6 hours a night of sleep. Don’t you hate nightmares like that? Mine have been really getting to me. Many of them have been about things like trying to get to my mother’s grave and not being able to because suddenly it is surrounded by deep and dangerous water. However right before that in my dream I watched my brother go right up to her grave with no problem and no water to cross. I finally figured out that it must have to do with my brother being terminally ill and the fact that he will get to our mother before me. Maybe that is it, I’m not sure. I do think many of these meds definitely cause strange dreams or at least help us to remember them better. I’ll just add to the sentiments of others and say, CALL YOUR PDOC!! You sound like you’re having the same kind of mixed state that I’m currently in. Please take care of yourself. We value your well being and wish you the best. Hilaire thank you Hilaire. I used to be able to sort my moods out better and say OK, now I’m hypomanic, or depressed or whatever. This time I don’t know what I am I just know I’m a mess and it’s not getting any better. I’m going back to my solitaire now. Since I’ve been like this the computer solitaire games are about all I can do and I’ve become addicted to them I think. I never cared that much for those games and now that’s all I do when I have a spare minute. then when I’m not playing I see the lines of the cards in everyday situations and things. That is crazy isn’t it? thanks for helping and for caring Hilaire. Everyone here is so helpful. It means a lot. Bonnie
Response:
Glad I could make you feel better. Unfortunately my A/C broke yesterday and even with fans on I’m starting to sweat and smell things I haven’t smelled before. I hope its not me. Here in Miami theres no chance in being confortable without A/C unless you have a FLorida room. I feel miserable about this but The asswipe of an A/C man we have is getting the boot and we’ve only had this brand new central A/C for a month. Fine it can break, things happen but at least come and fix it. What if we were old people? Anyway, screw the warranty I’m getting a new guy. Glad I could help. Maybe we can give the little shadow children names. 1/2 of Alex – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My twin sister! Where have you been! Sorry I cannot help you but helped me by having the exact same problems. You just did help me by reminding me that I am not the only person in the world that feels like this – that there are some others that understand. I’m miserable and don’t finish a thing either. I’m dizzy also. My head goes numb and one of my ears ring once a day. I have big plans and can’t finish. I have a llist and forget to look at it. What was I thinking when I wrote the damn list? I don’t remember anything. There are so many projects I want to do. I’ve had some plans for months, others for years. I don’t get them done. I just repeatedly try and plan them out. I feel like an idiot and hate myself because I’m just running in place all the time. I see shadows moving around. I don’t talk to anyone about it unless they catch me doing something weird. It is hard to mention that to others – they really don’t understand that. It doesn’t happen to me much but occasionally it does and I will see a dark flash run by me really fast like a small child running but when I turn to look nothing is there. I’m everything at once but nothing at all. I take 4 meds and they don’t fell like they’re doinga dman thing! Not even the Adderral which is suppossed to help me concentrate does anything. I’m still ill and the abilify doesn’t stop the madness. The welbutrin as far as I know is a vitamin. The trileptal is another vitamin. I’m going to hit maximum dosages going at this rate. I know it has something to do with the earth changing. Something is going on. Our concienses/spirits are changing to a different frequency. Too many people are head sick. I feel for you and so do the rest here, but. I’m sorry Alex. The whole med thing is a pain in the butt for sure. I wish I could help you. One minute I think I’m doing great and the next I’m a mess. I guess if we all keep supporting each other here then at least we will know we are not alone. I’m going outside while I can but I don’t wan them to look at me that way. I’m in pain at your side. The underlying sadness that keeps me there no matter what. I cycle so much every day and am freaking in my head, so if the same is happening to you, you must do something now! You have to slow it down! The spinning won’t stop if you wait for alternatives. Everyone here listens and provides wonderful help but don’t sit around and get worse, if your sitting around and can’t do anything of corse. Please don’t listen to me if thispost was nothing helpful, Don’t let me sadden you. The others here will provide you with the right advice. I just wantedto respond because I’m in tremendous pain. Thank you for posting something I can relate to. 1/2 of Alex Alex, thank you so much for your help. You are very kind and understanding to write and let me know that you do know what I’m talking about. I hope you find something to help you very soon – I really do. Bonnie I got back home one week ago. (after spending several weeks out of state helping my brother who had the bone marrow transplant) I am having such a hard time readjusting to my life. While I was with him all of my thoughts and time was zeroed in on caring for and helping him, a kind of intentional tunnel vision. Now I just can not get back in the swing of things. I have these terrible nightmares every night. Really bad and also strange ones. I don’t think I did much dreaming when I was gone mainly because I did not sleep much. Now either I have those nightmares or I don’t sleep. The other night I was up all night with severe paranoid thoughts. I was convinced certain people were saying all these bad things about me behind my back and also keeping things from me. I sometimes feel I can’t trust anyone especially those close to me. This scares me because when I get like this I can not distinguish real problems from imagined ones and often end up saying or doing things that I regret later. My thoughts keep speeding by and I have so many different projects I want to get done but all I can manage is getting all these thoughts tangled up in my head. I don’t get anything accomplished at all. Then I get frustrated with myself and either get angry or depressed because I have such big plans and I do nothing about them. Yes! I know I have problems like this on and off but it has been so much worse since I came back home. I feel confused, lost and almost dizzy at times. I feel down and depressed at the same time my thoughts are spinning. One minute I think I am in perfect control and I can do anything then the next minute I realize I can’t do anything at all but think about what I want to do. I can’t even think about it clearly because I have to think about 4 or 5 different major projects at once instead of one at a time. Yes! I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say here. I don’t know where my mental state is because it keeps changing. I’m scared but don’t want to tell anyone that because they won’t understand. I see my pdoc next week but I am very bad about not telling him everything I should – I think because I have been in the habit all my life of hiding many of my emotional problems and now I do that automatically. I cover things up even from myself at times. I need to separate things out in my head and life however that is much easier said than done. I’m a big list maker but even that does not help me any longer. yes! Do I scream now or play like nothing’s wrong? I never know. Bonnie
Response:
Make a list. Doctors love it when you make a list. I have a list of all my meds and who prescribed them and what they are for (I have 13 pills), Make another list of what is going on and why you came to see him. My docs love it when I do this because then I won’t walk out the door and think there was something I should have told him. Val in Boise
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – The symptoms you describe sound very much like the onset of mania. Call your pdoc ASAP. It sounds like you need a med adjustment. Tell him EVERYTHING that is going on with. It’s the only way he can effectively help. He’s a psychiatrist…not a mind reader. c I see my pdoc next Tuesday. I have trouble getting my thoughts organized enough to effectively explain how I am to my pdoc. I can’t even get it all straight with myself anymore. I just realized tonight that I have my Celexa dosage all screwed up and have for at least several weeks. I can’t believe that because I’m always very careful about things like that. I am supposed to take 40mg a day. He prescribes it in 20mg pills so I can adjust my dosage up or down easily if necessary. That’s fine, I just take 2 – 20mg pills a day, no problem. Only tonight I realized that sometime in the past month or so I started taking 1 – 20mg pill a day thinking it was a 40mg. then when things got really bad when I was out of town I "raised" it to a pill and a half – thinking I was going to 50mg and actually I was at 30mg – lower than my prescribed dose. Does this make sense? I’m a mess and maybe I did it to myself with my own confusion, who knows. I’m taking Lamictal as a mood stabilizer but I can not take as much as I should during the day because it makes me sleepy. I am supposed to take two equal doses each day, AM & PM. To get enough to help I would be falling asleep all day – I can’t do that. There have been so many bad things in my life that I think I must be finally snapping. My brother’s terminal illness has been more than I can handle and I’ve got some serious health problems of my own on top of that. I have to have a sonogram every 6 weeks because last November they discovered that I have abnormal ovaries. The doc does not want to do surgery unless he has to because of some other problems that he says would make it a risky surgery. There is so much cancer in my family – my mother died from it and now my brother and there are others as well. I can’t think about it or I get too freaked out. Sorry to ramble Colleen, but thanks for listening. I’m just very confused right now. Bonnie
Response:
Maybe go to your pdoc, you might need a med adjustment. I don’t think that we adjust to change very well and you’ve been hyperfocussed on your brother so perhaps you need some help to settle yourself in the short term. Maybe you just need some help to sleep, nothing more! Helen
You are so right when you say we don’t adjust to change well. I am very much a creature of habit and when my routine changes it throws me off mentally pretty badly. It took me forever to get into a routine with my brother when I was there. Now that I’m home I can’t get back into my normal routine here. I see my pdoc next week and I will definitely discuss all this with him. I take klonopin at night now to help me sleep and last night I doubled the dose thinking it would help. I slept but continued to have the disturbing dreams. These dreams are so involved that I wake up tired from them. I have a feeling I may get a med adjustment when I see my pdoc next week. I guess I just wait and see. thanks for answering Helen – I appreciate it. Bonnie
Response:
Bonnie, do you have a psychiatrist? If so, think of yourself as a team. He is on the team, your regular doctor is on the team, the eye doctor is on the team, the dentist is on the team, the nurses in the offices are also on your team. The team is called ‘Keep Bonnie happy and well. Make sure you also are on the team. If not, the team cannot exist. The pdoc is happy to hear from you, I do it by fax. He has his nurse then call in a prescription for me. Don’t try to talk to the pdoc as he is very busy, but the nursing staff is also on the team. They will tell him you are having a bad time and they will tell him. One of the team of "Let’s keep Val happy and healthy."
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I got back home one week ago. (after spending several weeks out of state helping my brother who had the bone marrow transplant) I am having such a hard time readjusting to my life. While I was with him all of my thoughts and time was zeroed in on caring for and helping him, a kind of intentional tunnel vision. Now I just can not get back in the swing of things. I have these terrible nightmares every night. Really bad and also strange ones. I don’t think I did much dreaming when I was gone mainly because I did not sleep much. Now either I have those nightmares or I don’t sleep. The other night I was up all night with severe paranoid thoughts. I was convinced certain people were saying all these bad things about me behind my back and also keeping things from me. I sometimes feel I can’t trust anyone especially those close to me. This scares me because when I get like this I can not distinguish real problems from imagined ones and often end up saying or doing things that I regret later. My thoughts keep speeding by and I have so many different projects I want to get done but all I can manage is getting all these thoughts tangled up in my head. I don’t get anything accomplished at all. Then I get frustrated with myself and either get angry or depressed because I have such big plans and I do nothing about them. I know I have problems like this on and off but it has been so much worse since I came back home. I feel confused, lost and almost dizzy at times. I feel down and depressed at the same time my thoughts are spinning. One minute I think I am in perfect control and I can do anything then the next minute I realize I can’t do anything at all but think about what I want to do. I can’t even think about it clearly because I have to think about 4 or 5 different major projects at once instead of one at a time. I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say here. I don’t know where my mental state is because it keeps changing. I’m scared but don’t want to tell anyone that because they won’t understand. I see my pdoc next week but I am very bad about not telling him everything I should – I think because I have been in the habit all my life of hiding many of my emotional problems and now I do that automatically. I cover things up even from myself at times. I need to separate things out in my head and life however that is much easier said than done. I’m a big list maker but even that does not help me any longer. Do I scream now or play like nothing’s wrong? I never know. Bonnie
Response:
Bonnie, With the stress you’ve been under, getting your meds confused is quite understandable. Take it a little easier on yourself. You don’t need to beat yourself up on top of everything else. c
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – The symptoms you describe sound very much like the onset of mania. Call your pdoc ASAP. It sounds like you need a med adjustment. Tell him EVERYTHING that is going on with. It’s the only way he can effectively help. He’s a psychiatrist…not a mind reader. c I see my pdoc next Tuesday. I have trouble getting my thoughts organized enough to effectively explain how I am to my pdoc. I can’t even get it all straight with myself anymore. I just realized tonight that I have my Celexa dosage all screwed up and have for at least several weeks. I can’t believe that because I’m always very careful about things like that. I am supposed to take 40mg a day. He prescribes it in 20mg pills so I can adjust my dosage up or down easily if necessary. That’s fine, I just take 2 – 20mg pills a day, no problem. Only tonight I realized that sometime in the past month or so I started taking 1 – 20mg pill a day thinking it was a 40mg. then when things got really bad when I was out of town I "raised" it to a pill and a half – thinking I was going to 50mg and actually I was at 30mg – lower than my prescribed dose. Does this make sense? I’m a mess and maybe I did it to myself with my own confusion, who knows. I’m taking Lamictal as a mood stabilizer but I can not take as much as I should during the day because it makes me sleepy. I am supposed to take two equal doses each day, AM & PM. To get enough to help I would be falling asleep all day – I can’t do that. There have been so many bad things in my life that I think I must be finally snapping. My brother’s terminal illness has been more than I can handle and I’ve got some serious health problems of my own on top of that. I have to have a sonogram every 6 weeks because last November they discovered that I have abnormal ovaries. The doc does not want to do surgery unless he has to because of some other problems that he says would make it a risky surgery. There is so much cancer in my family – my mother died from it and now my brother and there are others as well. I can’t think about it or I get too freaked out. Sorry to ramble Colleen, but thanks for listening. I’m just very confused right now. Bonnie
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’ve been having similar problems lately. Very disturbing dreams and weird thoughts. I believe that we all have a core consciousness that is removed from emotion and no matter how distorted our perception becomes due to whatever mental illness, that core "you" still knows what is true. I have worked to cultivate this core and make it stronger. I’m still a puppet to my emotions, a prisoner in this sack of flesh. When I have problems, I withdraw into my core. Willpower is a big factor too. No one can withstand a mental illness when it gets really bad, but we can fight it both with willpower and medicines. I hope this will help you some. Please go see your pdoc. There is no need to have to fight this with only willpower. Bonnie, you mean a lot to me. I haven’t talk with you for a while. I’m glad to see you around. Send me an email. Perhaps we can help each other. HoP
Thanks Paul. It is good to see you again – it has been a long time. I will see my pdoc next week so I just have to get my thoughts organized enough to try and explain things to him. I’m sorry you are having similar problems. I hope things get better for you soon. Bonnie
Response:
Maybe go to your pdoc, you might need a med adjustment. I don’t think that we adjust to change very well and you’ve been hyperfocussed on your brother so perhaps you need some help to settle yourself in the short term. Maybe you just need some help to sleep, nothing more! Helen
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I got back home one week ago. (after spending several weeks out of state helping my brother who had the bone marrow transplant) I am having such a hard time readjusting to my life. While I was with him all of my thoughts and time was zeroed in on caring for and helping him, a kind of intentional tunnel vision. Now I just can not get back in the swing of things. I have these terrible nightmares every night. Really bad and also strange ones. I don’t think I did much dreaming when I was gone mainly because I did not sleep much. Now either I have those nightmares or I don’t sleep. The other night I was up all night with severe paranoid thoughts. I was convinced certain people were saying all these bad things about me behind my back and also keeping things from me. I sometimes feel I can’t trust anyone especially those close to me. This scares me because when I get like this I can not distinguish real problems from imagined ones and often end up saying or doing things that I regret later. My thoughts keep speeding by and I have so many different projects I want to get done but all I can manage is getting all these thoughts tangled up in my head. I don’t get anything accomplished at all. Then I get frustrated with myself and either get angry or depressed because I have such big plans and I do nothing about them. I know I have problems like this on and off but it has been so much worse since I came back home. I feel confused, lost and almost dizzy at times. I feel down and depressed at the same time my thoughts are spinning. One minute I think I am in perfect control and I can do anything then the next minute I realize I can’t do anything at all but think about what I want to do. I can’t even think about it clearly because I have to think about 4 or 5 different major projects at once instead of one at a time. I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say here. I don’t know where my mental state is because it keeps changing. I’m scared but don’t want to tell anyone that because they won’t understand. I see my pdoc next week but I am very bad about not telling him everything I should – I think because I have been in the habit all my life of hiding many of my emotional problems and now I do that automatically. I cover things up even from myself at times. I need to separate things out in my head and life however that is much easier said than done. I’m a big list maker but even that does not help me any longer. Do I scream now or play like nothing’s wrong? I never know. Bonnie
Response:
I hear you. I too have been having really bad nightmares lately. Last night I had two bad ones. The first one had a buddy of mine in it who got dumped by his girlfriend a couple of days ago. We were being chased by a bunch of really pissed off ex-boyfriends (I met one of my new GF’s ex’s yesterday). In the second one my mother found me again and she was a really screwed up homeless person (I don’t speak to my mother because she gets into a major depression whenever I come into her life). Both times I woke up drenched in sweat. I’m kind of thinking that they might be a result of my recent bump up to 100 mg/night of Trazodone. I was taking 50 mg before and only getting 5-6 hours a night of sleep.
Don’t you hate nightmares like that? Mine have been really getting to me. Many of them have been about things like trying to get to my mother’s grave and not being able to because suddenly it is surrounded by deep and dangerous water. However right before that in my dream I watched my brother go right up to her grave with no problem and no water to cross. I finally figured out that it must have to do with my brother being terminally ill and the fact that he will get to our mother before me. Maybe that is it, I’m not sure. I do think many of these meds definitely cause strange dreams or at least help us to remember them better. I’ll just add to the sentiments of others and say, CALL YOUR PDOC!! You sound like you’re having the same kind of mixed state that I’m currently in. Please take care of yourself. We value your well being and wish you the best. Hilaire
thank you Hilaire. I used to be able to sort my moods out better and say OK, now I’m hypomanic, or depressed or whatever. This time I don’t know what I am I just know I’m a mess and it’s not getting any better. I’m going back to my solitaire now. Since I’ve been like this the computer solitaire games are about all I can do and I’ve become addicted to them I think. I never cared that much for those games and now that’s all I do when I have a spare minute. then when I’m not playing I see the lines of the cards in everyday situations and things. That is crazy isn’t it? thanks for helping and for caring Hilaire. Everyone here is so helpful. It means a lot. Bonnie
Response:
I find screaming very useful. I do limit it to an empty house or a closed car. My pets are used to it and don’t even react. Can’t have the neighbors thinking I’m being murdered. Just take those things into account when you scream off some of your stress. KG
Good suggestion Kathy, thanks. Sometimes I think that helps but other times my problems feel to deep for the screams to reach. You know I really don’t like this. I hope you are doing OK Kathy. It is always good to hear form you. Bonnie
Response:
The symptoms you describe sound very much like the onset of mania. Call your pdoc ASAP. It sounds like you need a med adjustment. Tell him EVERYTHING that is going on with. It’s the only way he can effectively help. He’s a psychiatrist…not a mind reader. c
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say here. I don’t know where my mental state is because it keeps changing. I’m scared but don’t want to tell anyone that because they won’t understand. I see my pdoc next week but I am very bad about not telling him everything I should – I think because I have been in the habit all my life of hiding many of my emotional problems and now I do that automatically. I cover things up even from myself at times. Print your post out and take it in to your appointment for your pdoc to read. I think that he/she will find it very helpful. — Bob B.
Response:
I find screaming very useful. I do limit it to an empty house or a closed car. My pets are used to it and don’t even react. Can’t have the neighbors thinking I’m being murdered. Just take those things into account when you scream off some of your stress. KG
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I got back home one week ago. (after spending several weeks out of state helping my brother who had the bone marrow transplant) I am having such a hard time readjusting to my life. While I was with him all of my thoughts and time was zeroed in on caring for and helping him, a kind of intentional tunnel vision. Now I just can not get back in the swing of things. I have these terrible nightmares every night. Really bad and also strange ones. I don’t think I did much dreaming when I was gone mainly because I did not sleep much. Now either I have those nightmares or I don’t sleep. The other night I was up all night with severe paranoid thoughts. I was convinced certain people were saying all these bad things about me behind my back and also keeping things from me. I sometimes feel I can’t trust anyone especially those close to me. This scares me because when I get like this I can not distinguish real problems from imagined ones and often end up saying or doing things that I regret later. My thoughts keep speeding by and I have so many different projects I want to get done but all I can manage is getting all these thoughts tangled up in my head. I don’t get anything accomplished at all. Then I get frustrated with myself and either get angry or depressed because I have such big plans and I do nothing about them. I know I have problems like this on and off but it has been so much worse since I came back home. I feel confused, lost and almost dizzy at times. I feel down and depressed at the same time my thoughts are spinning. One minute I think I am in perfect control and I can do anything then the next minute I realize I can’t do anything at all but think about what I want to do. I can’t even think about it clearly because I have to think about 4 or 5 different major projects at once instead of one at a time. I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say here. I don’t know where my mental state is because it keeps changing. I’m scared but don’t want to tell anyone that because they won’t understand. I see my pdoc next week but I am very bad about not telling him everything I should – I think because I have been in the habit all my life of hiding many of my emotional problems and now I do that automatically. I cover things up even from myself at times. I need to separate things out in my head and life however that is much easier said than done. I’m a big list maker but even that does not help me any longer. Do I scream now or play like nothing’s wrong? I never know. Bonnie
Response:
Print your post out and take it in to your appointment for your pdoc to read. I think that he/she will find it very helpful. — Bob B.
You are right. That is a good suggestion. I get so many thoughts jumbled in my head when I see my pdoc that often I completely forget the more important things I should bring up. I’m a real mess right now, worse than I had thought. I seem to even fool myself at times as to what my mental/emotional state acutally is. Thanks for your help Bob, I appreciate it, Bonnie
Response:
The symptoms you describe sound very much like the onset of mania. Call your pdoc ASAP. It sounds like you need a med adjustment. Tell him EVERYTHING that is going on with. It’s the only way he can effectively help. He’s a psychiatrist…not a mind reader. c
I see my pdoc next Tuesday. I have trouble getting my thoughts organized enough to effectively explain how I am to my pdoc. I can’t even get it all straight with myself anymore. I just realized tonight that I have my Celexa dosage all screwed up and have for at least several weeks. I can’t believe that because I’m always very careful about things like that. I am supposed to take 40mg a day. He prescribes it in 20mg pills so I can adjust my dosage up or down easily if necessary. That’s fine, I just take 2 – 20mg pills a day, no problem. Only tonight I realized that sometime in the past month or so I started taking 1 – 20mg pill a day thinking it was a 40mg. then when things got really bad when I was out of town I "raised" it to a pill and a half – thinking I was going to 50mg and actually I was at 30mg – lower than my prescribed dose. Does this make sense? I’m a mess and maybe I did it to myself with my own confusion, who knows. I’m taking Lamictal as a mood stabilizer but I can not take as much as I should during the day because it makes me sleepy. I am supposed to take two equal doses each day, AM & PM. To get enough to help I would be falling asleep all day – I can’t do that. There have been so many bad things in my life that I think I must be finally snapping. My brother’s terminal illness has been more than I can handle and I’ve got some serious health problems of my own on top of that. I have to have a sonogram every 6 weeks because last November they discovered that I have abnormal ovaries. The doc does not want to do surgery unless he has to because of some other problems that he says would make it a risky surgery. There is so much cancer in my family – my mother died from it and now my brother and there are others as well. I can’t think about it or I get too freaked out. Sorry to ramble Colleen, but thanks for listening. I’m just very confused right now. Bonnie
Response:
My twin sister! Where have you been! Sorry I cannot help you but helped me by having the exact same problems.
You just did help me by reminding me that I am not the only person in the world that feels like this – that there are some others that understand. I’m miserable and don’t finish a thing either. I’m dizzy also. My head goes numb and one of my ears ring once a day. I have big plans and can’t finish. I have a llist and forget to look at it. What was I thinking when I wrote the damn list? I don’t remember anything.
There are so many projects I want to do. I’ve had some plans for months, others for years. I don’t get them done. I just repeatedly try and plan them out. I feel like an idiot and hate myself because I’m just running in place all the time. I see shadows moving around. I don’t talk to anyone about it unless they catch me doing something weird.
It is hard to mention that to others – they really don’t understand that. It doesn’t happen to me much but occasionally it does and I will see a dark flash run by me really fast like a small child running but when I turn to look nothing is there. I’m everything at once but nothing at all. I take 4 meds and they don’t fell like they’re doinga dman thing! Not even the Adderral which is suppossed to help me concentrate does anything. I’m still ill and the abilify doesn’t stop the madness. The welbutrin as far as I know is a vitamin. The trileptal is another vitamin. I’m going to hit maximum dosages going at this rate. I know it has something to do with the earth changing. Something is going on. Our concienses/spirits are changing to a different frequency. Too many people are head sick. I feel for you and so do the rest here, but.
I’m sorry Alex. The whole med thing is a pain in the butt for sure. I wish I could help you. One minute I think I’m doing great and the next I’m a mess. I guess if we all keep supporting each other here then at least we will know we are not alone. I’m going outside while I can but I don’t wan them to look at me that way. I’m in pain at your side. The underlying sadness that keeps me there no matter what. I cycle so much every day and am freaking in my head, so if the same is happening to you, you must do something now! You have to slow it down! The spinning won’t stop if you wait for alternatives. Everyone here listens and provides wonderful help but don’t sit around and get worse, if your sitting around and can’t do anything of corse. Please don’t listen to me if thispost was nothing helpful, Don’t let me sadden you. The others here will provide you with the right advice. I just wantedto respond because I’m in tremendous pain. Thank you for posting something I can relate to. 1/2 of Alex
Alex, thank you so much for your help. You are very kind and understanding to write and let me know that you do know what I’m talking about. I hope you find something to help you very soon – I really do. Bonnie
– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I got back home one week ago. (after spending several weeks out of state helping my brother who had the bone marrow transplant) I am having such a hard time readjusting to my life. While I was with him all of my thoughts and time was zeroed in on caring for and helping him, a kind of intentional tunnel vision. Now I just can not get back in the swing of things. I have these terrible nightmares every night. Really bad and also strange ones. I don’t think I did much dreaming when I was gone mainly because I did not sleep much. Now either I have those nightmares or I don’t sleep. The other night I was up all night with severe paranoid thoughts. I was convinced certain people were saying all these bad things about me behind my back and also keeping things from me. I sometimes feel I can’t trust anyone especially those close to me. This scares me because when I get like this I can not distinguish real problems from imagined ones and often end up saying or doing things that I regret later. My thoughts keep speeding by and I have so many different projects I want to get done but all I can manage is getting all these thoughts tangled up in my head. I don’t get anything accomplished at all. Then I get frustrated with myself and either get angry or depressed because I have such big plans and I do nothing about them.
Yes! I know I have problems like this on and off but it has been so much worse since I came back home. I feel confused, lost and almost dizzy at times. I feel down and depressed at the same time my thoughts are spinning. One minute I think I am in perfect control and I can do anything then the next minute I realize I can’t do anything at all but think about what I want to do. I can’t even think about it clearly because I have to think about 4 or 5 different major projects at once instead of one at a time.
Yes! I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say here. I don’t know where my mental state is because it keeps changing. I’m scared but don’t want to tell anyone that because they won’t understand. I see my pdoc next week but I am very bad about not telling him everything I should – I think because I have been in the habit all my life of hiding many of my emotional problems and now I do that automatically. I cover things up even from myself at times. I need to separate things out in my head and life however that is much easier said than done. I’m a big list maker but even that does not help me any longer.
yes! – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Do I scream now or play like nothing’s wrong? I never know. Bonnie
Response:
I got back home one week ago. (after spending several weeks out of state helping my brother who had the bone marrow transplant) I am having such a hard time readjusting to my life. While I was with him all of my thoughts and time was zeroed in on caring for and helping him, a kind of intentional tunnel vision. Now I just can not get back in the swing of things. I have these terrible nightmares every night. Really bad and also strange ones. I don’t think I did much dreaming when I was gone mainly because I did not sleep much. Now either I have those nightmares or I don’t sleep. The other night I was up all night with severe paranoid thoughts. I was convinced certain people were saying all these bad things about me behind my back and also keeping things from me. I sometimes feel I can’t trust anyone especially those close to me. This scares me because when I get like this I can not distinguish real problems from imagined ones and often end up saying or doing things that I regret later.
I hear you. I too have been having really bad nightmares lately. Last night I had two bad ones. The first one had a buddy of mine in it who got dumped by his girlfriend a couple of days ago. We were being chased by a bunch of really pissed off ex-boyfriends (I met one of my new GF’s ex’s yesterday). In the second one my mother found me again and she was a really screwed up homeless person (I don’t speak to my mother because she gets into a major depression whenever I come into her life). Both times I woke up drenched in sweat. I’m kind of thinking that they might be a result of my recent bump up to 100 mg/night of Trazodone. I was taking 50 mg before and only getting 5-6 hours a night of sleep. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -My thoughts keep speeding by and I have so many different projects I want to get done but all I can manage is getting all these thoughts tangled up in my head. I don’t get anything accomplished at all. Then I get frustrated with myself and either get angry or depressed because I have such big plans and I do nothing about them. I know I have problems like this on and off but it has been so much worse since I came back home. I feel confused, lost and almost dizzy at times. I feel down and depressed at the same time my thoughts are spinning. One minute I think I am in perfect control and I can do anything then the next minute I realize I can’t do anything at all but think about what I want to do. I can’t even think about it clearly because I have to think about 4 or 5 different major projects at once instead of one at a time. I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say here. I don’t know where my mental state is because it keeps changing. I’m scared but don’t want to tell anyone that because they won’t understand. I see my pdoc next week but I am very bad about not telling him everything I should – I think because I have been in the habit all my life of hiding many of my emotional problems and now I do that automatically. I cover things up even from myself at times. I need to separate things out in my head and life however that is much easier said than done. I’m a big list maker but even that does not help me any longer. Do I scream now or play like nothing’s wrong? I never know. Bonnie
I’ll just add to the sentiments of others and say, CALL YOUR PDOC!! You sound like you’re having the same kind of mixed state that I’m currently in. Please take care of yourself. We value your well being and wish you the best. Hilaire
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I got back home one week ago. (after spending several weeks out of state helping my brother who had the bone marrow transplant) I am having such a hard time readjusting to my life. While I was with him all of my thoughts and time was zeroed in on caring for and helping him, a kind of intentional tunnel vision. Now I just can not get back in the swing of things. I have these terrible nightmares every night. Really bad and also strange ones. I don’t think I did much dreaming when I was gone mainly because I did not sleep much. Now either I have those nightmares or I don’t sleep. The other night I was up all night with severe paranoid thoughts. I was convinced certain people were saying all these bad things about me behind my back and also keeping things from me. I sometimes feel I can’t trust anyone especially those close to me. This scares me because when I get like this I can not distinguish real problems from imagined ones and often end up saying or doing things that I regret later. My thoughts keep speeding by and I have so many different projects I want to get done but all I can manage is getting all these thoughts tangled up in my head. I don’t get anything accomplished at all. Then I get frustrated with myself and either get angry or depressed because I have such big plans and I do nothing about them.
Yes! I know I have problems like this on and off but it has been so much worse since I came back home. I feel confused, lost and almost dizzy at times. I feel down and depressed at the same time my thoughts are spinning. One minute I think I am in perfect control and I can do anything then the next minute I realize I can’t do anything at all but think about what I want to do. I can’t even think about it clearly because I have to think about 4 or 5 different major projects at once instead of one at a time.
Yes! I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say here. I don’t know where my mental state is because it keeps changing. I’m scared but don’t want to tell anyone that because they won’t understand. I see my pdoc next week but I am very bad about not telling him everything I should – I think because I have been in the habit all my life of hiding many of my emotional problems and now I do that automatically. I cover things up even from myself at times. I need to separate things out in my head and life however that is much easier said than done. I’m a big list maker but even that does not help me any longer.
yes! Do I scream now or play like nothing’s wrong? I never know. Bonnie
My twin sister! Where have you been! Sorry I cannot help you but helped me by having the exact same problems. I’m miserable and don’t finish a thing either. I’m dizzy also. My head goes numb and one of my ears ring once a day. I have big plans and can’t finish. I have a llist and forget to look at it. What was I thinking when I wrote the damn list? I don’t remember anything. I see shadows moving around. I don’t talk to anyone about it unless they catch me doing something weird. I’m everything at once but nothing at all. I take 4 meds and they don’t fell like they’re doinga dman thing! Not even the Adderral which is suppossed to help me concentrate does anything. I’m still ill and the abilify doesn’t stop the madness. The welbutrin as far as I know is a vitamin. The trileptal is another vitamin. I’m going to hit maximum dosages going at this rate. I know it has something to do with the earth changing. Something is going on. Our concienses/spirits are changing to a different frequency. Too many people are head sick. I feel for you and so do the rest here, but. I’m going outside while I can but I don’t wan them to look at me that way. I’m in pain at your side. The underlying sadness that keeps me there no matter what. I cycle so much every day and am freaking in my head, so if the same is happening to you, you must do something now! You have to slow it down! The spinning won’t stop if you wait for alternatives. Everyone here listens and provides wonderful help but don’t sit around and get worse, if your sitting around and can’t do anything of corse. Please don’t listen to me if thispost was nothing helpful, Don’t let me sadden you. The others here will provide you with the right advice. I just wantedto respond because I’m in tremendous pain. Thank you for posting something I can relate to. 1/2 of Alex
Response:
I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say here. I don’t know where my mental state is because it keeps changing. I’m scared but don’t want to tell anyone that because they won’t understand. I see my pdoc next week but I am very bad about not telling him everything I should – I think because I have been in the habit all my life of hiding many of my emotional problems and now I do that automatically. I cover things up even from myself at times.
Print your post out and take it in to your appointment for your pdoc to read. I think that he/she will find it very helpful. — Bob B.
Response:
I got back home one week ago. (after spending several weeks out of state helping my brother who had the bone marrow transplant) I am having such a hard time readjusting to my life. While I was with him all of my thoughts and time was zeroed in on caring for and helping him, a kind of intentional tunnel vision. Now I just can not get back in the swing of things. I have these terrible nightmares every night. Really bad and also strange ones. I don’t think I did much dreaming when I was gone mainly because I did not sleep much. Now either I have those nightmares or I don’t sleep. The other night I was up all night with severe paranoid thoughts. I was convinced certain people were saying all these bad things about me behind my back and also keeping things from me. I sometimes feel I can’t trust anyone especially those close to me. This scares me because when I get like this I can not distinguish real problems from imagined ones and often end up saying or doing things that I regret later. My thoughts keep speeding by and I have so many different projects I want to get done but all I can manage is getting all these thoughts tangled up in my head. I don’t get anything accomplished at all. Then I get frustrated with myself and either get angry or depressed because I have such big plans and I do nothing about them. I know I have problems like this on and off but it has been so much worse since I came back home. I feel confused, lost and almost dizzy at times. I feel down and depressed at the same time my thoughts are spinning. One minute I think I am in perfect control and I can do anything then the next minute I realize I can’t do anything at all but think about what I want to do. I can’t even think about it clearly because I have to think about 4 or 5 different major projects at once instead of one at a time. I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say here. I don’t know where my mental state is because it keeps changing. I’m scared but don’t want to tell anyone that because they won’t understand. I see my pdoc next week but I am very bad about not telling him everything I should – I think because I have been in the habit all my life of hiding many of my emotional problems and now I do that automatically. I cover things up even from myself at times. I need to separate things out in my head and life however that is much easier said than done. I’m a big list maker but even that does not help me any longer. Do I scream now or play like nothing’s wrong? I never know. Bonnie
Response:
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