Depression Learning

Books for normies (was: The word: DEPRESSION)

Question:

-snip- Has this "here, read this; it’s what I’ve been trying to say" approach worked for others? As an aside, I am no longer sure what or even if I would like her to read.  I am no longer so sure exactly what I would like her to know of me.  Intimacy and autonomy are difficult to reconcile sometimes.  

Interesting perspective.  Thanks for sharing it. Brad — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

Has this "here, read this; it’s what I’ve been trying to say" approach worked for others? Speaking as a "normie" (gag) who has been through a relationship with a depressive-

I almost didn’t use that word, since I don’t really feel all that AB-normie myself, just a regular person who’s unexplainably despondent some of the time.  But I seemed to remember it being part of the vernacular, so I figured I’d try it out.  Sorry to make anyone gag. This can’t help but open further the lines of communication.  Do it do it do it.  Depressives’ though pattenrs and self-esteem have a logic to them that is often completely inaccessible to non-depressives, and even then it’s not always logical.

Ok, we’ll see what happens.  She hasn’t started yet; says she doesn’t really want to read about depression — and that’s why she’s not depressed; she doesn’t dwell on it…  :-/ I want to point out here that there is an online support group for the friends and families of depressives that I run through a mailing list.   Further information is attached hereto.

Thanks for the info, I’ll keep it filed just in case.  (She’s not an emailer, yet, either.) Brad — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

-snip- Has this "here, read this; it’s what I’ve been trying to say" approach worked for others?

Bawhahahahaha, not for me.  :-)  You ever see the post "My Book List" here on ASD??  It’s got some comments that I have written on like 100 books that I have read over the last year or so related in some way to my depression (or whatever you want to call it).  My wife has asked very little about them, and although I have tried to get her interested in some of them, it has taken her this long to read even one chapter of one book. But I consider that one chapter good progress!!!   As an aside, I am no longer sure what or even if I would like her to read.  I am no longer so sure exactly what I would like her to know of me.  Intimacy and autonomy are difficult to reconcile sometimes.  I recently heard a student in an "art" class complain about how her husband does not understand and "bothers" her when she is trying to do her "art", and she asked how she could get her "clueless" husband to understand her etcetera.  The teacher’s response was that she simply needs to set aside a specific time each day to do her art and to make it clear that she is not to be bothered for any reason during that time.  But as an aside, the teacher suggested that the woman might want to consider it wonderful that her husband sees the world differently than she does.  There are few ways and few times in our lives when we can really see the world though other eyes.  Be thankful that your husband sees the world differently than you do, and that you have an opportunity to see the world though his eyes from time to time. Although I would like to share more of my recent inner experiences with my wife, she is basically very threatened by them.  My challenge is to try and get her to come closer to me, or to somehow get myself closer to her, or to learn to live well with the distance as it is.  Or a little of all three. Anyway, I don’t really have an "answer" for you.  My wife knows I read ASD, she knows I have a "book list" and an "ASD Sampler", and she has never once asked if she could read them.  Sorta says something doesn’t it??  Can you say "threatened by it"??  :-) Oh well…. Stewart — The Metaphor Man    and The Great Defender of the Self

Response:

Has this "here, read this; it’s what I’ve been trying to say" approach worked for others?

Speaking as a "normie" (gag) who has been through a relationship with a depressive- This can’t help but open further the lines of communication.  Do it do it do it.  Depressives’ though pattenrs and self-esteem have a logic to them that is often completely inaccessible to non-depressives, and even then it’s not always logical. I want to point out here that there is an online support group for the friends and families of depressives that I run through a mailing list.   Further information is attached hereto. -Steve ==         Guides is a mailing list intended for people who are living with, friends with, in love with, parent/child/brother/sister/third cousin of someone afflicted with a depressive illness, including bipolar disorder.         Its purpose is a combination of support and information, in dealing with day-to-day problems and longer-term issues.  Topics range from coping with suicide attempts, passive-agressiveness, taking care of responsibilities, and addressing our own needs as human beings.  Fun and serious are welcome.         It is absolutely not a mailing list in the marketing sense (a common, and understandable, perception among people who haven’t heard of mailing lists but have seen spam appear in their mailbox).         It is also not a mailing list for crisis support or suicide intervention such as can be found on alt.support.depression or the Walkers-in-darkness mailing list. Other facts about guides:         + 100 or so members         + nice atmosphere         + 6 or so posts per day         + a [g] gets put into the subject line so that you know the           origin of the mail (good for people who use filters)         + it’s free, of course To subscribe, send mail to: With a line like this this in the body of your mail:         subscribe guides We also have a digest, mailed out Monday, Wednesday and Friday in the early morning.  This digest contains all recent messages to Guides glued into a single big honkin’ one.  To join, do the above but use         subscribe guides-digest instead.         ,,,        (. .) +–oOO–(_)–OOo—–+ | Bring your brain.

Response:

I’ve had my husband read certain things which described me, how I feel and live, and yes, for some reason, the printed word seemed to be more "validating" for him than my own explainations and communications.  I don’t know if that is good or bad, but it got the job done.  :) — Karen C. ***just trying to stay out of my own way…

Response:

I try to educate those who are important to me. It seems to work. I recommend the book On The Edge Of Darkness by Kathy Cronkite as a wonderful explanation to normal people of what we go thru in our lives.

I’ve just asked my wife to read _Undercurrents_ by Dr. Martha Manning to try and better understand what I go through.  I thought about circling various sections and writing "I feel exactly like this sometimes!", but didn’t.  Probably should have. Has this "here, read this; it’s what I’ve been trying to say" approach worked for others?   — Brad — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:

Response:

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