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Dearest Scott: No flowery words. Just daily hugs and prayers of hope for a very courageous man. I’m glad you’re "staying" with us. Love, Dolly – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Hi everybody, yes I am back on my meds for what that is worth. I have talked to my wife a lot about the way I feel about myself and our collective situation here at home. She told me that no matter what she wanted me to stay here even if I never could work again or be able to provide like I used to. I don’t know if you can understand how that makes feel really good and terrible all at the same time. The feelings are very contradictory (sp?) and confusing. I know that she loves me and cares about me whether I am physically up to living a reasonable life or if I am depressed etc. I want to thank those of you who responded to my questions the other week about what to do with the way I was feeling. And for the ones who had I don’t know about you guys but for me the idea of not being able to totally trust my own mind is very painful and it torments me day and night. I guess that I don’t trust that my own ideas and attitudes are *real* and that causes me to not be able to trust feelings that are legitimate and proper. Anyhow, I am back on the meds, applying for social security(which is humiliating) and working through this with my wife and kids. I will say it here for the record and for the future that she is great and never did anything to push me to leave. It was just an idea that I have had from time to time that she and the kids will be better off without me around. I have to admit that I still feel this way but I am talking about it to her. She told my oldest son (14 yrs old) about how I felt and he came to me and told me that he didn’t care if I ever worked again but that he wanted me here. He knows that money is tight and he went and got all his money he had earned, gave it to his mom and said to use it for bills. He has lectured (really he did) me about what is right about me and has daily taken the time to point out something good around here. I know what he is doing and appreciate it but I am not sure that he realizes just what it does mean. It means that he is slowly becoming a parent figure to me because I can’t always take care of myself. It also means that he is wise beyond his years and a very good son. I had kind of forgotten how for the first six months or so (after I got hurt) that he tied my shoes for me everyday until I learned how to do it again. There were a lot of other things that he did then that most little first graders don’t even know how to do. I am lucky and blessed to have such a good family but knowing that makes me want to cry because I know that I am not worth the effort. Oh well, I am trying and still with the family. Thanks to those of you who have tried to help and offered words of comfort and support, I have the courage to keep trying ScottK
Response:
Hi everybody, yes I am back on my meds for what that is worth. I have talked to my wife a lot about the way I feel about myself and our collective situation here at home. She told me that no matter what she wanted me to stay here even if I never could work again or be able to provide like I used to. I don’t know if you can understand how that makes feel really good and terrible all at the same time. The feelings are very contradictory (sp?) and confusing. I know that she loves me and cares about me whether I am physically up to living a reasonable life or if I am depressed etc. I want to thank those of you who responded to my questions the other week about what to do with the way I was feeling. And for the ones who had I don’t know about you guys but for me the idea of not being able to totally trust my own mind is very painful and it torments me day and night. I guess that I don’t trust that my own ideas and attitudes are *real* and that causes me to not be able to trust feelings that are legitimate and proper. Anyhow, I am back on the meds, applying for social security(which is humiliating) and working through this with my wife and kids. I will say it here for the record and for the future that she is great and never did anything to push me to leave. It was just an idea that I have had from time to time that she and the kids will be better off without me around. I have to admit that I still feel this way but I am talking about it to her. She told my oldest son (14 yrs old) about how I felt and he came to me and told me that he didn’t care if I ever worked again but that he wanted me here. He knows that money is tight and he went and got all his money he had earned, gave it to his mom and said to use it for bills. He has lectured (really he did) me about what is right about me and has daily taken the time to point out something good around here. I know what he is doing and appreciate it but I am not sure that he realizes just what it does mean. It means that he is slowly becoming a parent figure to me because I can’t always take care of myself. It also means that he is wise beyond his years and a very good son. I had kind of forgotten how for the first six months or so (after I got hurt) that he tied my shoes for me everyday until I learned how to do it again. There were a lot of other things that he did then that most little first graders don’t even know how to do. I am lucky and blessed to have such a good family but knowing that makes me want to cry because I know that I am not worth the effort. Oh well, I am trying and still with the family. Thanks to those of you who have tried to help and offered words of comfort and support, I have the courage to keep trying ScottK
Response:
{~{~{~{ Scott }~}~}~} Tears of joy as I read this. You’re going to make it Scott…you’re going to be okay. Lyndee – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Hi everybody, yes I am back on my meds for what that is worth. I have talked to my wife a lot about the way I feel about myself and our collective situation here at home. She told me that no matter what she wanted me to stay here even if I never could work again or be able to provide like I used to. I don’t know if you can understand how that makes feel really good and terrible all at the same time. The feelings are very contradictory (sp?) and confusing. I know that she loves me and cares about me whether I am physically up to living a reasonable life or if I am depressed etc. I want to thank those of you who responded to my questions the other week about what to do with the way I was feeling. And for the ones who had I don’t know about you guys but for me the idea of not being able to totally trust my own mind is very painful and it torments me day and night. I guess that I don’t trust that my own ideas and attitudes are *real* and that causes me to not be able to trust feelings that are legitimate and proper. Anyhow, I am back on the meds, applying for social security(which is humiliating) and working through this with my wife and kids. I will say it here for the record and for the future that she is great and never did anything to push me to leave. It was just an idea that I have had from time to time that she and the kids will be better off without me around. I have to admit that I still feel this way but I am talking about it to her. She told my oldest son (14 yrs old) about how I felt and he came to me and told me that he didn’t care if I ever worked again but that he wanted me here. He knows that money is tight and he went and got all his money he had earned, gave it to his mom and said to use it for bills. He has lectured (really he did) me about what is right about me and has daily taken the time to point out something good around here. I know what he is doing and appreciate it but I am not sure that he realizes just what it does mean. It means that he is slowly becoming a parent figure to me because I can’t always take care of myself. It also means that he is wise beyond his years and a very good son. I had kind of forgotten how for the first six months or so (after I got hurt) that he tied my shoes for me everyday until I learned how to do it again. There were a lot of other things that he did then that most little first graders don’t even know how to do. I am lucky and blessed to have such a good family but knowing that makes me want to cry because I know that I am not worth the effort. Oh well, I am trying and still with the family. Thanks to those of you who have tried to help and offered words of comfort and support, I have the courage to keep trying ScottK
Please reply to: X-No-Archive: yes is in the headers
Response:
Hi everybody, yes I am back on my meds for what that is worth. I have talked to my wife a lot about the way I feel about myself and our collective situation here at home. She told me that no matter what she wanted me to stay here even if I never could work again or be able to provide like I used to.
What this means, Scott, is that you have a great wife and a STRONG marriage and contributing to that is the fact that you are obviously a good person… I don’t know if you can understand how that makes feel really good and terrible all at the same time. The feelings are very contradictory (sp?) and confusing. I know that she loves me and cares about me whether I am physically up to living a reasonable life or if I am depressed etc.
And the reason she feels this way is that you are a GOOD MAN… yes, I know I am both shouting AND repeating myself, but it is a phrase that cant be said often enough Scott…. . Anyhow, I am back on the meds, applying for social security(which is humiliating)
sheesh…..{figuratively shaking Scott by the shoulders} This is something you have paid into all your working life….. She told my oldest son (14 yrs old) about how I felt and he came to me and told me that he didn’t care if I ever worked again but that he wanted me here.
<some wonderful stuff about a great kid snipped out here It also means that he is wise beyond his years and a very good son.
And one reason he IS such a great kid, Scott, is that you and your wife are obviously great parents. Kids dont become wise and compassionate beyond their years at 14 unless they have models who are like that. Trust me here Scott, I taught 7th graders for 21 years….and the majority of them are self centered…..but those who are not have learned from strong practicing role models how to be compassionate…… <more stuff about a great kid snipped I am lucky and blessed to have such a good family but knowing that makes me want to cry because I know that I am not worth the effort.
OH YES YOU ARE…..the way your son and your wife are responding is a SURE indication that you are important in their lives…. Oh well, I am trying and still with the family. Thanks to those of you who have tried to help and offered words of comfort and support, I have the courage to keep trying
Dont give up. Actions speak louder than words and your wife and your son are telling you that you that whatever needs to be done to help you through this, they will do it because you are worth it. — Patricia "Maybe there’s a god above But all I ever learned from love Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew ya." Leonard Cohen
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glad to hear it, scott. take care of yourself.
Response:
Hey Vali, eat shit and die will ya? Still the impotent little twerp that momma always hated aren’t you? You are just jealous, that despite my depression and the physical disorder that pretty much runs my life, I still have a life and people who love me. You are such a twisted little sack of crap, which has no life, that you cannot stand for anyone else to have what you cannot. Go sit in the corner and play with yourself and leave the people who have a life to think and live for themselves. You are so full of shit that I can smell you from here. ScottK
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Even as screwed up as my life is the being Bi polar and having the RSD There you go again. Writing about your so called "disorder" like it was the coolest thing since sliced bread. If you keep wearing that "disorder" like a badge of honor, your never going to snap out of it.
NO, NO, NO! Jeez dickweed can’t you get anything right? It is two distinct disorders. It also points out that I am real with a real life despite the problems. Unlike you who wants to do some mental masturbating by posting your shit. Whats the matter, did mommy potty train you poorly? God, what a dork. Do you really think that trying this crap makes you cool or humorous? I would bet that you are one of those *kids* who got their ass beat on a regular basis and now you have a computer and can hide behind it. I can hear it now "ME big computer person, going to show how smart me are, gonna verbally defecate about subjects that I don’t understand" Get real dweeb.
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Even as screwed up as my life is the being Bi polar and having the RSD
There you go again. Writing about your so called "disorder" like it was the coolest thing since sliced bread. If you keep wearing that "disorder" like a badge of honor, your never going to snap out of it.
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You got more the 2 disorders Vali…u got about a million…so play nice or fuck off — life is like a bowl of cherries…you eat too many and you throw up.
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There you go again. Writing about your so called "disorder" like it was the coolest thing since sliced bread. If you keep wearing that "disorder" like a badge of honor, your never going to snap out of it.
And there *you* go again…acting like a little boy with no one to play with…go home and tell your mama she’s calling you little boy orcan You’re damn right I got the blues, From my head down to my shoes Buddy Guy
Response:
NO, NO, NO! Jeez dickweed can’t you get anything right? It is two distinct disorders. It also points out that I am real with a real life despite the problems. Unlike you who wants to do some mental masturbating by posting your shit. Whats the matter, did mommy potty train you poorly? God, what a dork. Do you really think that trying this crap makes you cool or humorous? I would bet that you are one of those *kids* who got their ass beat on a regular basis and now you have a computer and can hide behind it. I can hear it now "ME big computer person, going to show how smart me are, gonna verbally defecate about subjects that I don’t understand" Get real dweeb.
Hey Scott….glad you’re back on the meds..and that you’ve had an inkling of just how important you are to the people in your life..and that includes many of us here on asd who care about and for you.. You have a lot of life ahead of you…live it well…and trust those who love you…they wish only the best for you stay strong and take care orcan You’re damn right I got the blues, From my head down to my shoes Buddy Guy
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You *are* worth the effort your family is making….they see that and you should try to believe it yourself. Who cares if you are working and "providing" the way you used to? In the long run, it isn’t the money that kids (or spouses) care about, it is the time and care you can give them that is important. leslie — "Tomorrow, I’ll do it tomorrow. What’s wrong with tomorrow?" – Wall of Voodoo
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This is so pathetic! How does it feel to show your ass?
I don’t know, why don’t you tell us. Is it true that you are Vali’s current instructor in witty retorts for those who can’t get it up?
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – x-no-archive: yes She told me that no matter what she wanted me to stay here even if I never could work again or be able to provide like I used to. You should stop thinking of just yourself and start thinking of your wife and her life having to babysit you when she’s home and away from home. I can imagine the burden you are for her and everyone around you. You should check yourself into one of those nursing care homes so the people around you can start living a life of happiness. If you can’t afford a private nursing home then you can always be put somewhere by the state. geeze, think about what scott wrote…. now think about what *you* wrote…. sounds as if she loves him enough to overlook the problems. that’s the t= ype of spouse i would like, not one who says, "go ahead and check into the nursing home, i don’t care for you anymore…" =20 maybe *you* need to check in for a while.
What do you expect her to say to someone who controls her every move , deep down though I know she wishes that she can live a life with someone that won’t waste away the few years she has left to be young and happy. He should be thinking about her happiness instead of just thinking me me me be miserable with me me me. A state run nursing home for his kind is the best thing for all in this case. /// ‘expect her to say’ ? *i* don’t expect her to say anything. anything other than what scott has written. it doesn’t sound like she ‘wishes that she can live a life with someone…’ else. i believe he did think about her happiness. he thought he would leave and let her go on with her life. but, she told him that she could deal with the problems he faced and wanted to be there with him, helping him, and loving him. i think that is an amazing show of love. too bad you can’t recognize it. ‘his kind?’ talk about prejudice toward the disabled…. — For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
Response:
Hi ScottK. I didn’t see any of your other posts but this one has many similarities to my situation so I thought I would put in a few comments if you don’t mind. Hi everybody, yes I am back on my meds for what that is worth. I have talked to my wife a lot about the way I feel about myself and our collective situation here at home. She told me that no matter what she wanted me to stay here even if I never could work again or be able to provide like I used to. I don’t know if you can understand how that makes feel really good and terrible all at the same time. The feelings are very contradictory (sp?) and confusing. I know that she loves me and cares about me whether I am physically up to living a reasonable life or if I am depressed etc.
Sounds like you two have passed the acid test of marriage. Puts real meaning in the words for better or worse, that’s the most important part. I want to thank those of you who responded to my questions the other week about what to do with the way I was feeling. And for the ones who had
ASD is like real life, there are idiots out there who act like animals. Just think of it as practice and don’t even acknowledge them. Since they are not interested in either helping themselves or others they contribute nothing and are simply not worth your time. Some are at the point where they feel better if they have company in the pit. Maybe they will come around, maybe not because they lack courage. I don’t know about you guys but for me the idea of not being able to totally trust my own mind is very painful and it torments me day and night. I guess that I don’t trust that my own ideas and attitudes are *real* and that causes me to not be able to trust feelings that are legitimate and proper.
Just don’t make any life changing decisions when you feel like this, and take all the time you have available to make decisions. You would be surprised how a situation or a problem changes when you sleep on it a few times. (look who’s talking 
Anyhow, I am back on the meds, applying for social security(which is humiliating)
Nope. The way I look at it is I paid the premiums (even had no choice) now it’s legitimate to collect period. It would be a lousy system if everyone felt guilty because they had to collect SS (It’s called CPP here). and working through this with my wife and kids. I will say it here for the record and for the future that she is great and never did anything to push me to leave. It was just an idea that I have had from time to time that she and the kids will be better off without me around. I have to admit that I still feel this way but I am talking about it to her.
Depression plays funny things on you sometimes. She told my oldest son (14 yrs old) about how I felt and he came to me and told me that he didn’t care if I ever worked again but that he wanted me here. He knows that money is tight and he went and got all his money he had earned, gave it to his mom and said to use it for bills. He has lectured (really he did) me about what is right about me and has daily taken the time to point out something good around here. I know what he is doing and appreciate it but I am not sure that he realizes just what it does mean. It means that he is slowly becoming a parent figure to me because I can’t always take care of myself. It also means that he is wise beyond his years and a very good son.
It means that you brought him up well, be proud of him and more important tell him so. I had kind of forgotten how for the first six months or so (after I got hurt) that he tied my shoes for me everyday until I learned how to do it again. There were a lot of other things that he did then that most little first graders don’t even know how to do. I am lucky and blessed to have such a good family but knowing that makes me want to cry because I know that I am not worth the effort.
bullshit Oh well, I am trying and still with the family. Thanks to those of you who have tried to help and offered words of comfort and support, I have the courage to keep trying
My best friend is paralysed in a wheelchair, types with one finger and could still be a CEO in a major company. Give it time. Take care. Andre —
Response:
if anything you should be thanking me for being so concerned about your situation. Feel free to e-mail me anytime if you want to talk about any problems you’re having because I care
What is the matter, is your ISP about to pull your plug again? It would be about time. Who do you think you are kidding here? You don’t give a rats ass about anybody but yourself and your pathetic little games you like to play. You are such an impotent little fool that you get your rocks off on trying to cause others more pain. I have known people like you in real life Vali. Even as screwed up as my life is the being Bi polar and having the RSD, I will always be a better person than people like you. You have nothing to offer to me, nor to anybody else I would imagine, so don’t you even think of e-mailing me or anyone in this house. Tell you what, if you can spend three months here without being the ass that you are, I will publicly apologize for calling you a twerp and the myriad of other things. Then I will be willing to give you a second chance and possibly defend your stupidity. OK? Deal?
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