Back just for a few minutes…….
Question:
then I will mosey on out the door again. I feel so badly for those of you hurting out there right now. I wish I had a better handle on things that I could help, I truly do. I also know how the holidays can affect the emotions to an extreme. I have tried to shut myself away from the holidays this year. I did ALL my shopping online. It made things less personal in a way. I spent more money and have been extremely depressed about that. My dangerous stepson is trying to push back into our lives. I am terrified of that happening and of my spiralling downward to the very bottom of the pit. Flat in the slime and shit that rims the edges. This time it will kill me. So folks don’t think I have forgotten you. I am still around and dealing the same as you all are but I have chosen to distance myself from the mainstream of ASD. There are tons of reasons none of which is important. I am neither superior or inferior to anyone and would never want to make people feel that way. I am alittle stronger. I can honestly say that. Unfortunately that strength comes with its own set of problems. One being is that it flails around in strange directions sometimes over strange things. Another being is when I go to find it, it isn’t there. I have found a hobby though, something I never had before in all my time on ASD or in RL. So see for what it is worth it does help to get out and do something. Pick something strange like I did and go with it. Don’t let anyone stop you from doing something that takes your mind off of your illness for even a second. I got into photography. A strange form of photography but one that is probably going to get my pictures published in a book probably next year. My photography is getting a name and I was given two website pages for displays. Offline I have an author that is asking me to follow her on her assignments for stories and take pictures. Sounds cool and it is. It came from out of nowhere. There is so much hope for everyone out there. Don’t shake your head no to me. There is hope for something more. This will actually take you away to another destination for just a while but in that small space of time you get to see yourself again or if like me—–for the first time. Oh heck I am not even good at what I am doing and I don’t care. It is for me that I am doing it. So if there is one thing I wish for all of the wonderful people on ASD—–it is that you find yourself a place of peace. It is there. It creeps up on you and bites your hinney and instead of pushing it away grab it by the ears and hold tight. Atleast for those few times, moments, spaces you get some peace and even some enjoyment away from the nagging depression and from the wild mood swings and the feeling of being so inferior. Am I happy? Hell no, my illness is still kicking me but I have gained some place of peace and solace. Anyway my life is not grand and right now it is taking a nosedive but you know the longer I have this illness the more I am waiting for each new turn in the road and truthfully am almost psychic about what is going to happen. I don’t know if any of you remember back in the beginning of this year around March. All the horrible things my stepson did after he moved out and has done since. The last of which he had someone call me and threaten to kill me. Wow what a screwed up horrible year this has been. Hope you are all ready for the Y2K deal. I figure I will sleep well that night. Problems here and there and then they will be worked out. Does anyone out there believe it is the end of the world? If it is, I am ready to go. Take care all sorry for the long novel but if ya remember me then you know I never wrote small, short posts. Becky
Response:
Becky, Read it all, dear. I’m think your photography thing is great! What a neat thing to be doing. I’m sorry about your step-son….do what you need to do there to maintain the good things you have been working on. It’s good to *see* you; take care, hon. –Tezza
Response:
I got into photography. A strange form of photography but one that is probably going to get my pictures published in a book probably next year. My photography is getting a name and I was given two website pages for displays. Offline I have an author that is asking me to follow her on her assignments for stories and take pictures.
Hey, that’s cool, Becky! Would you post the links? I’d like to see. Congratulations, I hope it works out for you. Good luck! ***** Melissa You can do hard.
Response:
then I will mosey on out the door again. <SNIP
Becky, it’s so good to hear from you. Thanks for updating us. I think it’s kewl you’re taking your photography to new heights; that takes strength, initiative, and courage. I’m glad things seem to have taken a more positive turn. Happy holidays! pavanne — For info about this service, see http://www.twwells.com/anon/ or e-mail:
Response:
Becky, this is a wonderful sharing from you. And encouraging, too. Love you. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Sis. may this next year bring you a new peacefulness. Your brother, Stan. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – then I will mosey on out the door again. I feel so badly for those of you hurting out there right now. I wish I had a better handle on things that I could help, I truly do. I also know how the holidays can affect the emotions to an extreme. I have tried to shut myself away from the holidays this year. I did ALL my shopping online. It made things less personal in a way. I spent more money and have been extremely depressed about that. My dangerous stepson is trying to push back into our lives. I am terrified of that happening and of my spiralling downward to the very bottom of the pit. Flat in the slime and shit that rims the edges. This time it will kill me. So folks don’t think I have forgotten you. I am still around and dealing the same as you all are but I have chosen to distance myself from the mainstream of ASD. There are tons of reasons none of which is important. I am neither superior or inferior to anyone and would never want to make people feel that way. I am alittle stronger. I can honestly say that. Unfortunately that strength comes with its own set of problems. One being is that it flails around in strange directions sometimes over strange things. Another being is when I go to find it, it isn’t there. I have found a hobby though, something I never had before in all my time on ASD or in RL. So see for what it is worth it does help to get out and do something. Pick something strange like I did and go with it. Don’t let anyone stop you from doing something that takes your mind off of your illness for even a second. I got into photography. A strange form of photography but one that is probably going to get my pictures published in a book probably next year. My photography is getting a name and I was given two website pages for displays. Offline I have an author that is asking me to follow her on her assignments for stories and take pictures. Sounds cool and it is. It came from out of nowhere. There is so much hope for everyone out there. Don’t shake your head no to me. There is hope for something more. This will actually take you away to another destination for just a while but in that small space of time you get to see yourself again or if like me—–for the first time. Oh heck I am not even good at what I am doing and I don’t care. It is for me that I am doing it. So if there is one thing I wish for all of the wonderful people on ASD—–it is that you find yourself a place of peace. It is there. It creeps up on you and bites your hinney and instead of pushing it away grab it by the ears and hold tight. Atleast for those few times, moments, spaces you get some peace and even some enjoyment away from the nagging depression and from the wild mood swings and the feeling of being so inferior. Am I happy? Hell no, my illness is still kicking me but I have gained some place of peace and solace. Anyway my life is not grand and right now it is taking a nosedive but you know the longer I have this illness the more I am waiting for each new turn in the road and truthfully am almost psychic about what is going to happen. I don’t know if any of you remember back in the beginning of this year around March. All the horrible things my stepson did after he moved out and has done since. The last of which he had someone call me and threaten to kill me. Wow what a screwed up horrible year this has been. Hope you are all ready for the Y2K deal. I figure I will sleep well that night. Problems here and there and then they will be worked out. Does anyone out there believe it is the end of the world? If it is, I am ready to go. Take care all sorry for the long novel but if ya remember me then you know I never wrote small, short posts. Becky
Response:
I got into photography. A strange form of photography but one that is probably going to get my pictures published in a book probably next year. My photography is getting a name and I was given two website pages for displays. Offline I have an author that is asking me to follow her on her assignments for stories and take pictures.
Congrats! Am I happy? Hell no, my illness is still kicking me but I have gained some place of peace and solace.
You too Becky! Kelly
Response:
then I will mosey on out the door again.
Why? You are becoming quite the driveby poster. I did ALL my shopping online.
Must be a new Bipolar addiction. I did most of mine that way too this year and REALLY enjoyed it. Then I got to go shopping and have that cute UPS guy come over again and again. So folks don’t think I have forgotten you
Don’t worry, we wouldn’t let you anyways. Hope you are all ready for the Y2K deal.
Why You Two, K? (God sometimes I think I’m so funny) Mary Beth p’ed and e’d
Response:
<gentle snip So if there is one thing I wish for all of the wonderful people on ASD—–it is that you find yourself a place of peace. It is there. It creeps up on you and bites your hinney and instead of pushing it away grab it by the ears and hold tight. Atleast for those few times, moments, spaces you get some peace and even some enjoyment away from the nagging depression and from the wild mood swings and the feeling of being so inferior. Becky
Becky, Your awareness is showing! 
) I can’t tell you how good it felt to read this from you. I see a lot of growth, determination, and hope in your posts. Just reading you now is inspiring. Keep on keeping on, and Happy Holidays to you, too!!! — Toto… I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore.
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