Awake at 4:00
Question:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – I don’t have anything constructive to add, except that I can relate to your experience teaching. All I taught was Sunday school, and I was extremely good at it – but the rest of the day was shot. Of course, my depression was still undiagnosed in those days. Thanks, Bluebird. You have no idea (actually you probably do) what a relief it was to be able to turn on the light at 4:00 a.m. and explain *exactly* what I was feeling to a group of people who could understand. It made me realize I have spent so much of my life hiding it — from myself, yes, but especially from other people. Pretending that I felt happier than I really did. What a relief not to have to lie. -Meg
That’s one of the strengths of this group – we don’t have to hide that we’re depressed. Expressing our feelings honestly can help so much. — Bluebird
Response:
I don’t have anything constructive to add, except that I can relate to your experience teaching. All I taught was Sunday school, and I was extremely good at it – but the rest of the day was shot. Of course, my depression was still undiagnosed in those days.
Thanks, Bluebird. You have no idea (actually you probably do) what a relief it was to be able to turn on the light at 4:00 a.m. and explain *exactly* what I was feeling to a group of people who could understand. It made me realize I have spent so much of my life hiding it — from myself, yes, but especially from other people. Pretending that I felt happier than I really did. What a relief not to have to lie. -Meg
Response:
- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My first lecture of the semester is tomorrow, and the thought of it just makes me want to curl up and die. Teaching is a job for extraverts, especially large lecture classes. I have to be on and up and perky, everything that I’m not. It just takes it out of me. I’m good for nothing for several hours before and several hours after. I do like teaching, I think I’m even kind of good at it. When I give a really good snappy interesting lecture, I feel exhilarated. But then I spend the next half a day feeling like I’m recovering from a war. How did I get myself into this? I went into academics because I like to sit alone in an office and read books and write papers. Instead, I have to be a comedian three times a week. Maybe I’m a washup. Maybe I need to ditch my career and find some other job that the damn PhD qualifies me for. -Meg ("Would you like fries with that?")
I don’t have anything constructive to add, except that I can relate to your experience teaching. All I taught was Sunday school, and I was extremely good at it – but the rest of the day was shot. Of course, my depression was still undiagnosed in those days. There *is* the thought that if you get through this spell of teaching, eventually you’ll be a professor who can sit alone in your office, read books, write papers, and turn your lectures over to your teaching assistants. 
— Bluebird
Response:
My first lecture of the semester is tomorrow, and the thought of it just makes me want to curl up and die. Teaching is a job for extraverts, especially large lecture classes. I have to be on and up and perky, everything that I’m not. It just takes it out of me. I’m good for nothing for several hours before and several hours after. I do like teaching, I think I’m even kind of good at it. When I give a really good snappy interesting lecture, I feel exhilarated. But then I spend the next half a day feeling like I’m recovering from a war. How did I get myself into this? I went into academics because I like to sit alone in an office and read books and write papers. Instead, I have to be a comedian three times a week. Maybe I’m a washup. Maybe I need to ditch my career and find some other job that the damn PhD qualifies me for. -Meg ("Would you like fries with that?")
Response:
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