Depression Learning

another delurking in progress

Question:

Hello all I am a 48 year old male, and for several years was depressed enough that I couldn’t get the idea of suicide out of my head. I remember thinking at one point I couldn’t do that at least until my last child started college, and for 3-4 years I could tell you to the day how long that would be, assuming they started on September 1. One day while visiting my regular doctor for other reasons, he noticed I was down and asked a little, and ended up putting me on Zoloft.  It helped, though not completely.  I was on that for 3 years, until a major upset this past summer, when I went into a major depressive episode. About 3 months ago I finally got the nerve to see a therapist and a psychiatrist.  The psychiatrist put me on Wellbutrin SR, which again helps, but not significantly. I keep wondering if I’m going completely over the edge, or what I should do to help myself.  I used to have a lot of hobbies and interests, but now it seems like they are more work than they are worth, and even the idea of doing simple projects to keep the house up is overwhelming. I keep wondering if I am going completely over the edge, and whether I will ever be able to face the world, my family, or the future with any sort of equilibrium. Not sure why I’m writing this, but maybe I can get some clues from others. Thanks —

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello all I am a 48 year old male, and for several years was depressed enough that I couldn’t get the idea of suicide out of my head. I remember thinking at one point I couldn’t do that at least until my last child started college, and for 3-4 years I could tell you to the day how long that would be, assuming they started on September 1. One day while visiting my regular doctor for other reasons, he noticed I was down and asked a little, and ended up putting me on Zoloft.  It helped, though not completely.  I was on that for 3 years, until a major upset this past summer, when I went into a major depressive episode. About 3 months ago I finally got the nerve to see a therapist and a psychiatrist.  The psychiatrist put me on Wellbutrin SR, which again helps, but not significantly. I keep wondering if I’m going completely over the edge, or what I should do to help myself.  I used to have a lot of hobbies and interests, but now it seems like they are more work than they are worth, and even the idea of doing simple projects to keep the house up is overwhelming. I keep wondering if I am going completely over the edge, and whether I will ever be able to face the world, my family, or the future with any sort of equilibrium. Not sure why I’m writing this, but maybe I can get some clues from others.

Stick around.  The locals will be inviting you for tea and crumpets soon enough! Tracy Barber

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello all I am a 48 year old male, and for several years was depressed enough that I couldn’t get the idea of suicide out of my head. I remember thinking at one point I couldn’t do that at least until my last child started college, and for 3-4 years I could tell you to the day how long that would be, assuming they started on September 1. One day while visiting my regular doctor for other reasons, he noticed I was down and asked a little, and ended up putting me on Zoloft.  It helped, though not completely.  I was on that for 3 years, until a major upset this past summer, when I went into a major depressive episode. About 3 months ago I finally got the nerve to see a therapist and a psychiatrist.  The psychiatrist put me on Wellbutrin SR, which again helps, but not significantly. I keep wondering if I’m going completely over the edge, or what I should do to help myself.  I used to have a lot of hobbies and interests, but now it seems like they are more work than they are worth, and even the idea of doing simple projects to keep the house up is overwhelming. I keep wondering if I am going completely over the edge, and whether I will ever be able to face the world, my family, or the future with any sort of equilibrium. Not sure why I’m writing this, but maybe I can get some clues from others. Thanks

Have your testosterone levels checked… and your thyroid. —

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Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello all I am a 48 year old male, and for several years was depressed enough that I couldn’t get the idea of suicide out of my head. I remember thinking at one point I couldn’t do that at least until my last child started college, and for 3-4 years I could tell you to the day how long that would be, assuming they started on September 1. One day while visiting my regular doctor for other reasons, he noticed I was down and asked a little, and ended up putting me on Zoloft.  It helped, though not completely.  I was on that for 3 years, until a major upset this past summer, when I went into a major depressive episode. About 3 months ago I finally got the nerve to see a therapist and a psychiatrist.  The psychiatrist put me on Wellbutrin SR, which again helps, but not significantly. I keep wondering if I’m going completely over the edge, or what I should do to help myself.  I used to have a lot of hobbies and interests, but now it seems like they are more work than they are worth, and even the idea of doing simple projects to keep the house up is overwhelming. I keep wondering if I am going completely over the edge, and whether I will ever be able to face the world, my family, or the future with any sort of equilibrium. Not sure why I’m writing this, but maybe I can get some clues from others. Thanks

well, i am a 46 year old male.  about 4 years ago i had a breakdown. all this crap i was holding inside suddenly took over and knocked me down. i am a LOT better now then i was then, but i have been going to steady therapy and seeing my MD and we keep working on meds trying to tweek it in.  we got my anxiety and panic somewhat under control but the depression still is fairly strong.  i have suicidal thoughts almost daily and a few weeks ago had it planned out and was prepared to do away with myself.  i dug myself out of that long enough to get to the therapist and that was the reason for the latest visit to the pdoc.  i keep working on it.  i have good days, more bad days than good. but it seems that they are zeroing in on it.  at least to try to get me to the point where things are somewhat stable. my thought is that we just got to keep on working at it and hope that the stableness we search for will arrive someday.  it has for a lot of people in this group after years of hard work, but even they fall back once in awhile.  just takes a lot of work and thinking and working with the doctor to get the right mix. just my thoughts and what i am going through, not sure it helps you or answers your question, but that is how i see things from where i am at right now. take care Bill

Response:

Things I find helpful: * Keeping a journal in which to write my thoughts * having a list of things to do everyday, and ticking off things on the list. Even if I don’t get the whole list done, I get a sense of achievement. Haven’t done it lately, but it has helped in the past. * meditation. rejuvenates the mind. a lot of work at first, but keep at it. * yoga and exercise. yoga is amazing, but it’s another thing i’ve stopped doing. i might get back to it soon. My latest recovery from depression was due to gains in energy from yoga. I have a depressive friend who swears by yoga. Hope this helps. Gus.

Thanks for the suggestions – I know exercise is supposed to help, but it seems like too much work sometimes.  I keep thinking I’ll walk in the morning, but the extra sleep seems more important at the time, and when I get home from work I either have errands to run, or I collapse into a heap.  I will manage to do this soon. The list is a good idea.  I will give that a shot. A journal?  Meditation?  Both fine Quaker traditions, I should be able to do that  A journal always seemed so pompous or self-important, I never felt like I had anything important enough to write. Thanks again.   —

Response:

Hey. What you’ve described is quite common. There are a lot of people here who would relate to what you posted. Um, I can’t suggest much more medically than get yourself checked out for thyroid problems as other people indicated. However, it is possible to manage depression. There are several books out on the subject. I’ve read a couple. I’ve come up with my own solutions that are unique to me… um… but it is an uphill battle… Things I find helpful: * Keeping a journal in which to write my thoughts * having a list of things to do everyday, and ticking off things on the list. Even if I don’t get the whole list done, I get a sense of achievement. Haven’t done it lately, but it has helped in the past. * meditation. rejuvenates the mind. a lot of work at first, but keep at it. * yoga and exercise. yoga is amazing, but it’s another thing i’ve stopped doing. i might get back to it soon. My latest recovery from depression was due to gains in energy from yoga. I have a depressive friend who swears by yoga. The most important thing though is to stop letting the negative thoughts take over when you reflect on yourself. I like to write negative thoughts and attitudes down on paper when I have them, and then burn the paper… Once again, I don’t do this as much as I used to, but when I did it gave a great sense of release. Hope this helps. Gus.

Response:

A journal?  Meditation?  Both fine Quaker traditions, I should be able to do that  A journal always seemed so pompous or self-important, I never felt like I had anything important enough to write.

My journal isn’t much like those books written in the form of a diary of an angst-filled teenager… I more just write down what I’m doing, whether I’m happy with it, how I’m feeling, what I plan to do. Every now and then I put in some emotions and amateur psychological sketches of the people around me. Keeps me amused. I used to take my journal with me to work (I’d write in it at lunch and when I should be working) and to pubs. I’d write about the people around me, and the thoughts I was having. I’d also focus on self-talk I might be holding in my head. So if I was feeling worthless because I was failing at work, I’d write about it in my journal. Writing it down on paper allowed me to challenge those feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. It also helps you see through the hidden abuse some people might heap on you… It allowed me to see that some jackass at work was saying things to me with the intent to hurt. I ended up quitting once I figured he wouldn’t stop and there was no way he was getting fired. The job wasn’t as important to me as my mental wellbeing… That’s just one example. Meditation is good, but not for everyone… Gus.

Response:

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