Depression Learning

Advice required please?

Question:

Hey Chris- It sounds to me like your friend is perhaps either manic depressive or BiPolar – which pretty much means she’s on a fairly regular cycle of ups and downs, and may feel completely in control, magnanimous, powerful one moment, and be a complete wreck the next. There is no way  that you or any other of her friends can deal with this long term (hey, y’all have got your own lives to lead).  Support her as much as you can, but urge her to get therapy as soon as possible.  Many pshrinks and therps have sliding scale fees, and there you could always call your local hotline or samaritans for further aid in researching therps. Good luck *hugs* Dryad — "One fact can change your whole point of view.   For instance, did you know that King Kong was a lesbian?"  David Gerrold annagrey at sover dot net

Response:

Hello, I hope somebody will be able to give me some advice here. I’m friends with someone who occasionally gets very depressed. She reckons it’s on a two yearly cycle. There doesn’t seem to be anything she can point at behind it except that I know she’s generally quite stressed at the moment. One typical morning she appeared in floods of tears on my doorstep and sat crying on my shoulder on and off for a few hours. I had to leave at this point and I understand another friend comforted her for another hour before having to leave for work. Our depressed friend then managed to go into work mid-morning and was fine. I would have felt really guilty just leaving her but it seems like that was what she needed. If the same thing happens again I plan to try and get her to smile/laugh first of all but am not sure whether to spend several hours keeping her occupied or to leave her on her own after this. (I then spend the day worrying that she’ll do something silly – I think this is me overeacting though.) I hope somebody has some advice they can give me as I’m not sure what to do for the best. Thanks very much (please reply by e-mail too if possible) Chris

Response:

FIrst of all, be very clear that her depression is beyond your control. You can offer "help", but you can’t make her take it. You can be a friend to lean on, but don’t count on it helping. Her depression is her responsibility and only the things she does to fight it will help. I am a depressive and my husband used to try to cheer me up, or help me fight the depression. I would just resent him. It’s my body which causes the depression and I’m the only one who can fight it. When someone else tries to get rid of the depressive symtoms, I just feel unaccepted, unloved, judged etc… and generally, more depressed and more alone. Since he has stopped taking responsibility for my mood, he is seeing that I do pretty well on my own, and all I need is some acceptance that I’m having a hard time with it (not that I need help with it). If your friend hasn’t yet learned how to cope with her depression, I highly recommend a book called "Feeling Good" by Beck. It has alot of good cognitive exercises to develope coping skills. I use these skills almost daily to cope with my depression. It works well enough for me, that most people I know/meet now are surprised when I tell them what I deal with. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hello, I hope somebody will be able to give me some advice here. I’m friends with someone who occasionally gets very depressed. She reckons it’s on a two yearly cycle. There doesn’t seem to be anything she can point at behind it except that I know she’s generally quite stressed at the moment. One typical morning she appeared in floods of tears on my doorstep and sat crying on my shoulder on and off for a few hours. I had to leave at this point and I understand another friend comforted her for another hour before having to leave for work. Our depressed friend then managed to go into work mid-morning and was fine. I would have felt really guilty just leaving her but it seems like that was what she needed. If the same thing happens again I plan to try and get her to smile/laugh first of all but am not sure whether to spend several hours keeping her occupied or to leave her on her own after this. (I then spend the day worrying that she’ll do something silly – I think this is me overeacting though.) I hope somebody has some advice they can give me as I’m not sure what to do for the best. Thanks very much (please reply by e-mail too if possible) Chris

Response:

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