Depression Learning

Advice on saving marriage

Question:

allwoman1…@my-deja.com wrote in message <7t125c$vm…@nnrp1.deja.com>… >Youre living in a home where youre being verbally abused…and knows your

husband doesnt love you…and because you are both bi polar thats OK, exceptable…..< Excuse me? Did I SAY it was "okay" for him to abuse me? >Hmmm, would I really take advice from you?….I think not…. Help yourself

before you try to help someone else….< Was I giving YOU advice? I think not. I was responding to Peg, and Robert’s follow-up post. Besides, I was VENTING, not "advising". As for infidelity, my opinion stands. Cheating is wrong. If you think it’s "okay" or "exceptable" to cheat, you need help more than I do. -(btw: Did you mean "acceptable"? Or "to make an exception"?)- As for living in a home where I am verbally abused and unloved, perhaps you failed to read the part about my not having the means to move out. I don’t need put-downs. I’ve read the rest of the responses in this thread and everyone else has given Peg sensible advice and insight. They said it well. gotta run. ROBOT

Response:

Boy does this sound familiar.  I can relate to this from your husbands side. While I haven’t had an affair, no real opportunity with work and youth activities, I wouldn’t say no to one.  My wife was diagnosed with depression and it has affected me.  Read my post under "Effort expended initiating sex".  She took anti-depressants for a while then stopped before they did any good.  We went to counseling but that proved fruitless because she wasn’t willing to put the effort into getting better.  YOU ARE!  Keep at it and I am sure in time he will give you another chance.  I don’t mean that the way it sounds. I just can’t think of another way to put it.  I know if I were him I would tough it out if I saw the effort you are putting into this. Good Luck, don’t give up and keep us posted. Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

Youre living in a home where youre being verbally abused…and knows your husband doesnt love you…and because you are both bi polar thats OK, exceptable….. Hmmm, would I really take advice from you?….I think not…. Help yourself before you try to help someone else….   "ROBOT" <ro…@gyrogearloose.com> wrote: – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> Peg Patel <pegpa…@xnet.com> wrote in message > >news:7stpu5$9gr$[email protected]… > >> I am looking for advice on saving my marriage. Here is my situation. I > had depression, undiagnosed for > 4 years. As a result of it, my husband was very effected by it and had an > affair last year for 8 months.< > NO EXCUSE. If he was unhappy with you he should have been honest about it > and divorced you- as painful as that would be- and THEN pursued a > relationship with someone else. > >>When I found out about it (I was still undiagnosed) I feel into an even > deeper depression and I did alot of attacking.<< > If my spouse cheated on me, I’d attack him, too. > Robert wrote in message … > >I am a married man living with a wife with depression, I know what your > husband sees and feels all to well. I know that he if he feels as I do, that > he feels dead inside and alive with the other woman. It can be dramatically > as hard on him as it is on you if not more so.  I also had an affair on my > wife as your husband did.  I am not sure where my marriage is going but the > fact that my wife was not completely true to me does not help.< > NO EXCUSE. Be HONEST, get a DIVORCE, and THEN go after another woman. > Ofcourse, if she cheated on you first, I’d tell HER she should get divorced > and then go for someone else. > Jeez, doesn’t ANYbody take marriage vows seriously anymore- namely > fidelity?? > Sorry. Cheating makes me furious. Let’s talk about depression…. > VENT-VENT-VENT > Okay, my husband and I are both diagnosed as Bi-Polar, but, I’m "functional" > and mainly manic while he is mainly depressed/angry/hostile and totally out > of control. I’m sick of his constant temper-tantrums, verbal abuse & > threats, etc. I know he hates me. He keeps mistreating me and telling me to > get the fuck OUT if I don’t like it, yet he knows I have no means to move > out so I’m stuck in HELL with him. He only keeps me around so he’ll have a > scapegoat. BUT- we have never cheated on each other. -(We’ve been together 9 > years, married for 8. I’m 42, he’s 41. No kids or prior marriages for either > of us.)- Mental illness is no excuse for abuse, but, infidelity is NOT the > way to save a marriage under any circumstances. It’s better to leave with > one’s integrity intact than to cheat. If I had an income, or atleast some > self-esteem, I’d be able to follow my own advice and move out on my own and > get a LIFE. But, I am not interested in another relationship. I just want > the abuse to STOP. He’s trying to drive me to suicide, but, I won’t give him > the satisfaction. If only he LOVED me, it would make all the difference in > the world. But, atleast he’s never cheated on me or vice-versa. > *grrr* > In any case, it IS good to hear from people on BOTH sides of the issue. > ’nuff sed. > ROBOT

Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

Jenni wrote: > And! You have the unmitigated GALL! to spam filter *your* address?? Sheesh.

The way we seem to think alike sometimes scares me… <chuckle!>

Response:

> The other thing is that you can’t control anybody but yourself.  So if > he refuses to work on the marriage, then spend some time working n > yourself.  Join a book club, a choir, take a night class.  Do something > to improve you and make you feel better about yourself.  And as you > start to live again, he might get a glimpse of the girl that he married > and how wonderful she really is.  No matter how the marriage turns out, > you’ll at least be on your feet and ready to fly again. > best of luck. > Abbey > abbeytho…@yahoo.com

This is excellent advice, and it’s advice that I’m following in my situation as well.  I have started going to the gym, losing weight, getting in shape.  I’ve started picking up old hobbies again, like reading and drawing – creativity. I know that my marriage is all but over, but if I work on me, then (a) perhaps she’ll realize what she would be missing, and (b) if not, at least I’ll have those things to continue on my own, as well as the self-confidence that they tend to instill. Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

Thanks to everyone for all the advice. I am going to try to concentrate on myself as abbey suggested.  I will hope for the best and try to keep a positive outlook. Depression is a very bad illness to have untreated and I feel as if I am doing activities I haven’t done in years for the first time. I can only imagine what my husband must have gone through with how I was untreated and confused about my unhappiness and misery. The ironic thing is that he was the brightest, most wonderful element in my life back then and he kept me going. Now I feel like it is my turn to be patient and give him some time. I just needed to hear from others because I often feel like the only person in the world going through this. I would suggest that if anyone thinks their spouse is depressed, to get them treatment because they probably are unaware of what is happening from the "undepressed" side of the relationship. You need to tell them how bad it is and let the chips fall where they may becasue that is sometimes the only way they will see that they need to be treated. I am sure that this was not necessary for me, but then we didn’t realize what I had. Had we went to marriage counseling earier then we might have been able to get me treated and saved ourselves the pain of an affair. abbeytho…@yahoo.com wrote:

: In article <7stpu5$9g…@flood.xnet.com>, :   Peg Patel <pegpa…@xnet.com> wrote: : I can see this thing from two sides.  First I have been married to a : man who has depression.  It has been very difficult and just like : "robert", I too have felt dead inside. : The other thing is that you can’t control anybody but yourself.  So if : he refuses to work on the marriage, then spend some time working n : yourself.  Join a book club, a choir, take a night class.  Do something : to improve you and make you feel better about yourself.  And as you : start to live again, he might get a glimpse of the girl that he married : and how wonderful she really is.  No matter how the marriage turns out, : you’ll at least be on your feet and ready to fly again. : best of luck. : Abbey : abbeytho…@yahoo.com : Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ : Before you buy. — Peg Patel Consultant pegpa…@xnet.com

Response:

I am not sure if anyone remembers my post a few days ago about advice on saving my marriage. I indiciated that I had undiagnosed depression for several years and as a result my husband had an affair and decided he did not want to work on our marriage after I was diagnosed and started to get better. He was very effected by my negative ways and the ways depression effected me. I have wanted to work on the marriage very badly but I found out this morning that he filed for divorce yesterday afternoon. It was hard to realize but I am going to move on and give up the hope of getting the marriage back together. I do want to thank everyone for the advice. I guess I should move to alt.divorce now, sadly.

Response:

On 7 Oct 1999 15:42:30 GMT, Peg Patel <pegpa…@xnet.com> wrote: >I am not sure if anyone remembers my post a few >days ago about advice on saving my marriage. I >indiciated that I had undiagnosed depression for >several years and as a result my husband had an >affair

Don’t let anyone feed you this line … your depression and his affair are two separate things.   Nothing justifies having an affair!  He is the one who CHOSE to do that! >and decided he did not want to work on our >marriage after I was diagnosed and started to get >better. He was very effected by my negative ways >and the ways depression effected me.

And rather than try to work with you, he chose to run.  Certainly it is easier in the short run to do this … in the long run, you will be a stronger, better person and given what he did, you eventually will be able to look back and be glad he is gone. >I have wanted to work on the marriage very badly >but I found out this morning that he filed for >divorce yesterday afternoon. It was hard to >realize but I am going to move on and give up >the hope of getting the marriage back together. >I do want to thank everyone for the advice. >I guess I should move to alt.divorce now, sadly.

Take care of yourself … eat right, get plenty of exercise, take up a new hobby, get plenty of sleep and work on your own issues.  You are about to get on another emotional roller coaster … there are some good people in news:alt.support.divorce who can help you get through the rough patches ahead. Floridanewbie

Response:

I am so sorry Peg. Take care of yourself. Katie * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

My husband went through a similar depression. It lasted for a year, we had only been married for a year at the time.  He made our life together almost unbearable.  He was constanly negative and uncaring and I just couldn’t handle coming home everyday to someone so upset.  I tried and tried to help and to offer support but eventually I just gave up.  I started going out and trying to focus on myself instead of my husband.  Thank god I had a friend to lean on and help me through the worst year of my life. I completely understand how your husband is feeling.  I think the difference is that even though I was very unhappy and at times I didn’t want to go on with the relationship and even let me eyes stray to another man – I can honestly say I never stopped loving my husband. That made the difference – I knew I loved him and that this would eventually pass.  It sounds like your husband has questionable love for you.  Find out if he stil loves you – if he doesn’t maybe it’s time for you to go on.  You’ve conquered one problem in your life (depression) now go and conquer another. Good luck, let us know what happens. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

I’m very sorry to hear that Peg, did your husband ever get any treatment. It’s probably too late now, but that helped my wife. I didn’t know it, but she was suffering with a form of depression, she became tired and listless, not interested in sex, burned out from her job, I had been taking her for granted, and after her mother died following a 7 year long illness, it all seemed to hit her at once, she wanted a divorce from me. It woke me up, and I realized I didn’t want to lose her, I immediately started treating her better and her doctor prescribed Wellbutrin for her depression, it made a huge difference, she felt confident, sexy and invigorated (some side effects are weight loss and increased libido). Of course her increased sexual appetite led to other problems but that’s another letter.. I don’t know your particulars, your husband’s depression may be treatable with just medication too without any changes on your part, only you know that, but if you think you both can make it work (no legal process has started yet) you owe it to yourself to try, if he is willing to of course. Good luck!

Response:

Neither of you have seen yourselves as you are and won’t unless you find a person to person analysis which will explain each of you to each other don * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

Jenni wrote: > Drat. How’d you sneak past my kill-file, you wascally watbag? > Jenni > re-kill-filing

Ditto here!  Don’t you think his e-mail is kinda funny, though?  I found his determination at not wanting to be spammed rather hilarious…. I mean, NOno Spam blah blah dot com, and then dot invalid, too?  Is overkill really necessary? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> In article <000b8d9b.2894e…@usw-ex0106-042.remarq.com>, sknod > <nogol99NOnoS…@yahoo.com.invalid> wrote: > > Neither of you have seen yourselves as you are and won’t unless you > > find a person to person analysis which will explain each of you to each > > other don

Response:

ROBOT said: "Jeez, doesn’t ANYbody take marriage vows seriously anymore- namely fidelity??" I agree completely!   You have two issues here. 1. Depression  2. A Cheating Husband He may have felt helpless because of your depression, but it was his choice to cheat. Now you have to make the choice to overcome the depression.  It’s your illness and nobody can make you become well.   It won’t help you to stay with a man who has said he doesn’t want to help.  That will just make it harder for you.  It’s a very tough decision you have to make.  Try stepping away from the emotions and look at the situation for an outside view.  (What advice would you give your best friend?) I’m sure you feel love for your husband, but can you honestly ever forgive him for committing adultery?  How do you think you will feel about it in 5…10 years from now?  Will you still hold resentment inside about it?  Do you think you could have a healthy marriage if you are constantly worried about his fidelity every time you go through rough times in life? Remember to love yourself too. I don’t speak from experience, but I do speak from the heart.  These are questions that I would ask myself in this situation.  My husband and I feel very strongly about fidelity in our marriage.  We both agree that cheating isn’t just the act of intercourse, it is also any thoughts of being with another person. My advise is…do some soul searching and figure out what you really want out of life and where you are willing to compromise.

Response:

In article <7stpu5$9g…@flood.xnet.com>,   Peg Patel <pegpa…@xnet.com> wrote: I can see this thing from two sides.  First I have been married to a man who has depression.  It has been very difficult and just like "robert", I too have felt dead inside. The other thing is that you can’t control anybody but yourself.  So if he refuses to work on the marriage, then spend some time working n yourself.  Join a book club, a choir, take a night class.  Do something to improve you and make you feel better about yourself.  And as you start to live again, he might get a glimpse of the girl that he married and how wonderful she really is.  No matter how the marriage turns out, you’ll at least be on your feet and ready to fly again. best of luck. Abbey abbeytho…@yahoo.com Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/ Before you buy.

Response:

In article <7t0h7m$ml…@flood.xnet.com>, Peg Patel – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -<pegpa…@xnet.com> wrote: > One of my problems is that the relationship problems > tend to be > a trigger for depression symptoms to get worse. If I > have a > conversation with my husband and he tells me how he > feels, > i.e. that he no longer wants to work on the marriage > and want > a divorce, I tend to go into a tailspin of negative > thinking. > I start to feel like it is MY fault for the marriage > failure > and the I caused all the problems by having depression > that > was untreated. Are you suggesting that I ignore or try > to > ignore the relationship problems and just not deal > with them > until I have a complete handle on the depression? This > seems > very hard to do right now because there is so much > hurt and > pain in the relationship.

Oh, no, I’m sorry if I sounded that way. I wasn’t intending to discourage you from working on your marriage. I know that relationship problems are impossible to ignore, and I’ve been in the position of having my spouse tell me she had no intention of working on the marriage, and I’ve also been in the position of feeling that the marriage problems were my fault and only my fault. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to keep her in the relationship when it was simply beyond my ability to do so. I could not keep her from having an affair; I could not keep her involved in working on the marriage; I did try very hard to do both. The problem was that I wasn’t doing anything to take care of myself — all my focus was on "the marriage". I kept trying to take care of her needs and her feelings, but kept neglecting my own. I guess my main point is that I had to learn to balance things. There is also a great sense > of > sadness because I still love him and really want the > marriage > to stay together.  Can feelings come back in a > marriage when > they have been destroyed by depression and an affair?

Yes, they can. My marriage survived depression, mental illness, and an affair. It has taken time, work, patience, and commitment. > He is > just trying to be honest with me when he tells me how > he is > feeling. I would like to be able to tell him that we > can do > these things and the feelings will come back, but I > don’t > know what "these things" are or even if it is > possible.

What we did, was to keep working on our separate issues while still maintaining a commitment to working on our marital problems. We both sought counseling; we both stopped blaming each other for the problems, and worked on changing things. More importantly, I stopped blaming myself, because all that guilt only made things worse. There were times when it seemed that the marriage was finished; all I could do then was focus on whatever task was at hand and do the "one day at a time" thing. I tried to maintain a network of friends for emotional support, joined a support group, and read books…I also took time out for myself. Marriage crisis is one of the most stressful things in life, and I had to make sure I got enough rest. Seem simple, but it was important. It looks like you are doing a lot of positive things. As long as even just one of you is working to make things better, there is hope. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

One of my problems is that the relationship problems tend to be a trigger for depression symptoms to get worse. If I have a conversation with my husband and he tells me how he feels, i.e. that he no longer wants to work on the marriage and want a divorce, I tend to go into a tailspin of negative thinking. I start to feel like it is MY fault for the marriage failure and the I caused all the problems by having depression that was untreated. Are you suggesting that I ignore or try to ignore the relationship problems and just not deal with them until I have a complete handle on the depression? This seems very hard to do right now because there is so much hurt and pain in the relationship.  There is also a great sense of sadness because I still love him and really want the marriage to stay together.  Can feelings come back in a marriage when they have been destroyed by depression and an affair? He is just trying to be honest with me when he tells me how he is feeling. I would like to be able to tell him that we can do these things and the feelings will come back, but I don’t know what "these things" are or even if it is possible. Zugzwang <zugzwangNOzuS…@null.net.invalid> wrote:

: For what it’s worth, my wife has also struggled with : depression for many years, and has been working hard to get : better. The problems in our marriage were not due to her : depression. I had my share of depression as well. It was a : factor in our problems, but we both brought personal : baggage into the relationship. It’s a two-way street. Our : marriage actually did fall apart, although we never took : the final step of divorce. Things are much better now. It : takes time and effort and willingness to work on both sides. : What I really want to say to you is, focus on getting : yourself better, not on saving the marriage. You must take : care of yourself and work on healing from your long : suffering with depression. Keep working on gaining strength. : Finally, you do not have to accept unacceptable behavior. : How you define that is up to you, but work on getting : better so that you can deal with the issues without : relapsing into depression. : * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * : The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

I am a married man living with a wife with depression, I know what your husband sees and feels all to well.  I know that he if he feels as I do, that he feels dead inside and alive with the other woman.  It can be dramatically as hard on him as it is on you if not more so.  I also had an affair on my wife as your husband did.  I am not sure where my marriage is going but the fact that my wife was not completely true to me does not help. We did go to marriage counseling and tried retrouvaille – http://www.retrouvaille.org (ret-ro-vi’) It is not really about religion at all and nothing is really brought up in any kind of detail about religion. I really feel the best way to reach your husband is thru his married male friends if your friends with any of them see if they can talk to him.  I also have some questions that I know in my situation make a huge difference. 1. Do you work outside the home? 2. Do you keep the home clean? 3. Do you make sure you have his dinner ready when he gets home from work? (if he is the only one working outside the home) 4. Do you show an interest in his day, without cutting him off in the middle of him talking and showing real concern? My biggest suggestion is to get some good books on communication and take them serious, they can help a lot. Still hanging in there with my wife, just have to wake up and realize someday no one is perfect and don’t expect perfection or you set yourself up for a complete and utter devastation. Robert (married at the age of 21 – married 9 yrs and 3 kids) Peg Patel <pegpa…@xnet.com> wrote in message

news:7stpu5$9gr$[email protected]… – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -> I am looking for advice on saving my marriage. Here > is my situation. I had depression, undiagnosed for > 4 years. As a result of it, my husband was very effected > by it and had an affair last year for 8 months. When I > found out about it (I was still undiagnosed) I feel into > an even deeper depression and I did alot of attacking. > We went to counseling but since I did not have anti- > depressants, working on the relationship was futile. After > a few months he gave up and started seeing the other woman > again. At that point, I had started to finally take anti > depressants and I was getting better. I asked him to > please work in the relationship with me, but he said it > was too late for him. I am getting better every day now > and things are getting better between us as a result, but > he still does not want to work on the relationship and still > talks on the phone to the other woman. (I don’t think he > see’s her physically).  Does anyone have any advice on > how I can save the marraige? I asked him about Routevelle > (sp?) but he said it was too religious and said that both > people have to want to work on the marriage and he doesn’t > so he does not want to go. Maybe I am a fool for trying to > do this myself, but I just feel like he was effected by tghe > depression and he has not had a chance to see what I am like > without it for many years (we have been married for 11 years). > I am looking for any advice anyone would have. Has anyone > else ever been through anything like this and succeded? or am > I just prolonging the inevitable. (We have 2 kids also). > THanks > Peg

Response:

Make sure it is worth saving, free analysis to help you know. don — Posted via Talkway – http://www.talkway.com Exchange ideas on practically anything ™.

Response:

Peg Patel <pegpa…@xnet.com> wrote in message >news:7stpu5$9gr$[email protected]… >> I am looking for advice on saving my marriage. Here is my situation. I

had depression, undiagnosed for 4 years. As a result of it, my husband was very effected by it and had an affair last year for 8 months.< NO EXCUSE. If he was unhappy with you he should have been honest about it and divorced you- as painful as that would be- and THEN pursued a relationship with someone else. >>When I found out about it (I was still undiagnosed) I feel into an even

deeper depression and I did alot of attacking.<< If my spouse cheated on me, I’d attack him, too. Robert wrote in message … >I am a married man living with a wife with depression, I know what your

husband sees and feels all to well. I know that he if he feels as I do, that he feels dead inside and alive with the other woman. It can be dramatically as hard on him as it is on you if not more so.  I also had an affair on my wife as your husband did.  I am not sure where my marriage is going but the fact that my wife was not completely true to me does not help.< NO EXCUSE. Be HONEST, get a DIVORCE, and THEN go after another woman. Ofcourse, if she cheated on you first, I’d tell HER she should get divorced and then go for someone else. Jeez, doesn’t ANYbody take marriage vows seriously anymore- namely fidelity?? Sorry. Cheating makes me furious. Let’s talk about depression…. VENT-VENT-VENT Okay, my husband and I are both diagnosed as Bi-Polar, but, I’m "functional" and mainly manic while he is mainly depressed/angry/hostile and totally out of control. I’m sick of his constant temper-tantrums, verbal abuse & threats, etc. I know he hates me. He keeps mistreating me and telling me to get the fuck OUT if I don’t like it, yet he knows I have no means to move out so I’m stuck in HELL with him. He only keeps me around so he’ll have a scapegoat. BUT- we have never cheated on each other. -(We’ve been together 9 years, married for 8. I’m 42, he’s 41. No kids or prior marriages for either of us.)- Mental illness is no excuse for abuse, but, infidelity is NOT the way to save a marriage under any circumstances. It’s better to leave with one’s integrity intact than to cheat. If I had an income, or atleast some self-esteem, I’d be able to follow my own advice and move out on my own and get a LIFE. But, I am not interested in another relationship. I just want the abuse to STOP. He’s trying to drive me to suicide, but, I won’t give him the satisfaction. If only he LOVED me, it would make all the difference in the world. But, atleast he’s never cheated on me or vice-versa. *grrr* In any case, it IS good to hear from people on BOTH sides of the issue. ’nuff sed. ROBOT

Response:

For what it’s worth, my wife has also struggled with depression for many years, and has been working hard to get better. The problems in our marriage were not due to her depression. I had my share of depression as well. It was a factor in our problems, but we both brought personal baggage into the relationship. It’s a two-way street. Our marriage actually did fall apart, although we never took the final step of divorce. Things are much better now. It takes time and effort and willingness to work on both sides. What I really want to say to you is, focus on getting yourself better, not on saving the marriage. You must take care of yourself and work on healing from your long suffering with depression. Keep working on gaining strength. Finally, you do not have to accept unacceptable behavior. How you define that is up to you, but work on getting better so that you can deal with the issues without relapsing into depression. * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet’s Discussion Network * The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet – Free!

Response:

I am looking for advice on saving my marriage. Here is my situation. I had depression, undiagnosed for 4 years. As a result of it, my husband was very effected by it and had an affair last year for 8 months. When I found out about it (I was still undiagnosed) I feel into an even deeper depression and I did alot of attacking. We went to counseling but since I did not have anti- depressants, working on the relationship was futile. After a few months he gave up and started seeing the other woman again. At that point, I had started to finally take anti depressants and I was getting better. I asked him to please work in the relationship with me, but he said it was too late for him. I am getting better every day now and things are getting better between us as a result, but he still does not want to work on the relationship and still talks on the phone to the other woman. (I don’t think he see’s her physically).  Does anyone have any advice on how I can save the marraige? I asked him about Routevelle (sp?) but he said it was too religious and said that both people have to want to work on the marriage and he doesn’t so he does not want to go. Maybe I am a fool for trying to do this myself, but I just feel like he was effected by tghe depression and he has not had a chance to see what I am like without it for many years (we have been married for 11 years). I am looking for any advice anyone would have. Has anyone else ever been through anything like this and succeded? or am I just prolonging the inevitable. (We have 2 kids also). THanks Peg

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