adultery and messed up lives
Depression Medications Sale!
Find the best savings and discounts on all depression medication and drugs!
| Drug Name | Price | Purchase |
| Venlafaxine XR 75 mg | $85.66* | Buy Now! |
| Venlafaxine XR 150 mg | $101.45* | Buy Now! |
| Escitalopram 20 mg | $98.79* | Buy Now! |
| Escitalopram 10 mg | $81.21* | Buy Now! |
| Wellbutrin XL 300 mg | $252.99* | Buy Now! |
| Wellbutrin XL 150 mg | $172.36* | Buy Now! |
Call 1-888-254-3038 To Order Now! -or-
View all Depression Medication >>
Question:
My life has been very messed up, I don’t know how it started. I remember being very happily married (15 years), but there were arguments. Sometimes my husband seemed very angry with me. But we had two young children, and we were both working hard, full time work, second degrees etc, Over the years I developed a friendship with a man at work, he was quiet, caring, always there when I needed help at work. Then a bit over a year ago we had to attend a conference together, I didn’t ask to go, maybe he instigated it, but he won’t admit to it. At the end of the conference we ended up in bed together, I think I fell in love with him, I think he fell in love with me, but we were both married, with children. When I returned home, there were more arguments at home, I couldn’t live with the guilt, so after 2 months I told my husband. Then my husband admitted to adultery too ! Understandably we were both shocked, in pain. Upon reflection, his admission explained his behaviour, and his adultery preceeded mine by a year. I hoped my friend would come to me, but he did not want to leave his children, so I was left in a deceitful marriage, two children who needed parents, and the fear of being alone. We had both sinned, so we decided to stay together for the children. This lasted a year, no trust, arguments, I tried to ignore my feelings for the other man, but he kept calling, he was there when I needed to talk. My husband sensed this and left after exactly one year of our admission of adultery. It has been 2 months since my husband moved away, and my pain and confusion has not stopped. I look after the children, and my husband helps out the best he can. My husband says he feels stronger now he has left. My friend still calls me, but he won’t leave his family. His wife knows nothing of his deceit. If he stopped calling over the past year, maybe I could have repaired my marriage and provided a family for the children. I don’t know what to do, I don’t feel very strong, I feel depressed most of the time,
Response:
Rosalie, You are now suffering the consequences of having an affair. Yes, your subject line says it all. Many folks on this list will relate to your story and you will have lots of advice for you. Since both you and your husband participated in the deceit, you will undoubtedly think that your situation is worse than his. From all appearances it appears that his life is going well and yours is not. Do you belive in karma? Just wait. His life will not remain constant. Eventually it will catch up to him. Meanwhile – heal and take care of yourself. Physical health will affect mental health so eat right, exercise and get lots of sleep. Focus on your children now. They must be very confused and need your guidance. First and foremost – do not take the phone calls from this man. Change your phone number to one that is unlisted and move on. He will not leave his wife. With that statement he has told you exactly what you mean to him. Nothing. Staying in contact with him will only delay YOUR healing. For proof of this, read Claude’s letter. Make the break. Best wishes in your recovery, Donna
Response:
left in a deceitful marriage, two children who needed parents, and the fear of being alone. We had both sinned, so we decided to stay together for the children. This lasted a year, no trust, arguments, I tried to ignore my feelings for the other man, but he kept calling, he was there when I needed to talk. My husband sensed this and left after exactly one year of our admission of adultery. It has been 2 months since my husband moved away, and my pain and confusion has not stopped. I look after the children, and my husband helps out the best he can. My husband says he feels stronger now he has left.
Have you considered trying to work it out with your husband? it sounds as if you got too emotionally involved with this other guy, but that at the core of things you really still love your husband. He’s only been gone 2 months–you didn’t mention what the status of your separation is. Maybe you could sit down together, hash it out and come to some conclusions on how to put the guilt behind you and claim your life together again. Maybe the adultery doesn’t have to cause you such guilt? People do out of character things all the time, but if you 2 have learned adultery makes you miserable, why not use the lesson to rebuild your trust together? karen
Response:
My friend still calls me, but he won’t leave his family. His wife knows nothing of his deceit. If he stopped calling over the past year, maybe I could have repaired my marriage and provided a family for the children.
Here’s another vote for "don’t have any more contact with your "friend" in any way, shape or form". Some people like to have others waiting in the wings while still maintaining a normal life outside of it. He has his happy life with his beautiful wife and his beautiful car and his beautiful kids (sorry, song stuck in my head) and has no intention of leaving it. Get counseling and good luck. — Joe
Response:
Thru-out your memo below, you show your neediness and that "tug" this other MARRIED man has. The guy is a cheat. Don’t blame HIM for his calling you and "keeping that tug" in your life. You’ve done enuf damage (and so has your weak husband) to your selves. Find the strength to cut this MARRIED man off. He is MARRIED for pete’s sake. Do you want to continue to be part of some more misery? Continue to be a part of another family’s break-up/confusion/mess/misery/pain? Well, if you continue to let him in your life because you are needy and "care" for him, you continue to contribute to deceit, pain, misery….Not only does this MARRIED man have very little integrity and a serious character flaw (so DID you), but you continue to hold your own neediness and desperation over the basic values of integrity and decency by participating in an affair with a MARRIED man. Do you understand that? The guy is M-A-R-R-I-E-D. Get a spine and cut him off. Get some dignity and cut him off. Get some integrity and cut him off. CLOSE THAT DOOR and lock it. Save whatever bit of dignity, integrity, and decency that you might have left. Then get strong again and get back to your wonderful self. You made one major mistake in 15 years and so did your husband. Don’t continue the cycle of deceit by participating in deceit. As long as you keep this slime-bag in your life, you, too, are a slime-bag. Maybe, you are the bigger slime-bag between the two of you because, personally, I think off-loading to a married man and being needy with a married man is a bit "disconnected" and pretty stupid. Like, go and get a good girl friend to support you. Sounds like you were playing with fire to begin with…. Oh well, anyway, get rid of that guy and get back to your "normal", healthy, considerate self. It’s very easy, actually. All you do is tell this married man the next time he calls: "You are a married man. My association with you has contributed to the breakdown of my marriage. I made a mistake and I now have to accept the consequences alone. I was deceitful too and by associating with you I continue to be a slime-bag. I choose not to be a slime-bag anymore. Please go crawl back under your rock and leave me alone." Then, stay alone for awhile. Don’t get involved with any men right now. Heal. Surround yourself with good friends (and I mean, real friends. Not the kind that are going to sleep with you. A REAL male friend – and I have a few of them – would NEVER get involved with a flailing woman sexually. They have the decency and strength of character to "be there" for you w/o enjoying other benefits. GET SOME COURAGE. GET SOME STRENGTH. WALK ALONE. TELL THAT LYING, CHEATING, MARRIED MAN TO beat it. Have the decency to let some other desperate woman be the one to involve herself with a married man. Some other woman with a flawed character. Why do you have to be that jerk? Let it be someone else because if it’s not you, it WILL be someone else. Don’t you feel badly for the other wife? How do you feel screwing a MARRIED man while his wife waits for him? Does that help you get a better picture of what you are doing? The man belongs to someone else. Let him go and screw over his family with someone else or go back and work at his marriage. That’s where he belongs anyway. Stop continuing the slime. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My life has been very messed up, I don’t know how it started. I remember being very happily married (15 years), but there were arguments. Sometimes my husband seemed very angry with me. But we had two young children, and we were both working hard, full time work, second degrees etc, Over the years I developed a friendship with a man at work, he was quiet, caring, always there when I needed help at work. Then a bit over a year ago we had to attend a conference together, I didn’t ask to go, maybe he instigated it, but he won’t admit to it. At the end of the conference we ended up in bed together, I think I fell in love with him, I think he fell in love with me, but we were both married, with children. When I returned home, there were more arguments at home, I couldn’t live with the guilt, so after 2 months I told my husband. Then my husband admitted to adultery too ! Understandably we were both shocked, in pain. Upon reflection, his admission explained his behaviour, and his adultery preceeded mine by a year. I hoped my friend would come to me, but he did not want to leave his children, so I was left in a deceitful marriage, two children who needed parents, and the fear of being alone. We had both sinned, so we decided to stay together for the children. This lasted a year, no trust, arguments, I tried to ignore my feelings for the other man, but he kept calling, he was there when I needed to talk. My husband sensed this and left after exactly one year of our admission of adultery. It has been 2 months since my husband moved away, and my pain and confusion has not stopped. I look after the children, and my husband helps out the best he can. My husband says he feels stronger now he has left. My friend still calls me, but he won’t leave his family. His wife knows nothing of his deceit. If he stopped calling over the past year, maybe I could have repaired my marriage and provided a family for the children. I don’t know what to do, I don’t feel very strong, I feel depressed most of the time,
Response:
Why don’t you accept some responsiblity for your own deceitful actions. Quit blaming all of this on this man calling you. If you had really cared about putting your marriage back together, you would have refused his calls, or got him to stop. Instead, your kids are going to have to grow up in a separated household. Go to a site called www.marriagebuilders.com read the sections on infidelity. If you want it to work out with your husband, there are things you can do so that you have the best chance possible. Good Luck. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – My life has been very messed up, I don’t know how it started. I remember being very happily married (15 years), but there were arguments. Sometimes my husband seemed very angry with me. But we had two young children, and we were both working hard, full time work, second degrees etc, Over the years I developed a friendship with a man at work, he was quiet, caring, always there when I needed help at work. Then a bit over a year ago we had to attend a conference together, I didn’t ask to go, maybe he instigated it, but he won’t admit to it. At the end of the conference we ended up in bed together, I think I fell in love with him, I think he fell in love with me, but we were both married, with children. When I returned home, there were more arguments at home, I couldn’t live with the guilt, so after 2 months I told my husband. Then my husband admitted to adultery too ! Understandably we were both shocked, in pain. Upon reflection, his admission explained his behaviour, and his adultery preceeded mine by a year. I hoped my friend would come to me, but he did not want to leave his children, so I was left in a deceitful marriage, two children who needed parents, and the fear of being alone. We had both sinned, so we decided to stay together for the children. This lasted a year, no trust, arguments, I tried to ignore my feelings for the other man, but he kept calling, he was there when I needed to talk. My husband sensed this and left after exactly one year of our admission of adultery. It has been 2 months since my husband moved away, and my pain and confusion has not stopped. I look after the children, and my husband helps out the best he can. My husband says he feels stronger now he has left. My friend still calls me, but he won’t leave his family. His wife knows nothing of his deceit. If he stopped calling over the past year, maybe I could have repaired my marriage and provided a family for the children. I don’t know what to do, I don’t feel very strong, I feel depressed most of the time,
Response:
My life has been very messed up, I don’t know how it started. I remember being very happily married (15 years), but there were arguments. Sometimes my husband seemed very angry with me. But we had two young children, and we were both working hard, full time work, second degrees etc, Over the years I developed a friendship with a man at work, he was quiet, caring, always there when I needed help at work. Then a bit over a year ago we had to attend a conference together, I didn’t ask to go, maybe he instigated it, but he won’t admit to it. At the end of the conference we ended up in bed together, I think I fell in love with him,
Ah, no, you fell into " lust " with him. The wonderful endorphin rush of the new, as opposed to the humdrum " old ". Lets not confuse the two. I think he fell in love with me, but we were both married, with children. When I returned home, there were more arguments at home, I couldn’t live with the guilt, so after 2 months I told my husband. Then my husband admitted to adultery too ! Understandably we were both shocked, in pain. Upon reflection, his admission explained his behaviour, and his adultery preceeded mine by a year. I hoped my friend would come to me, but he did not want to leave his children, so I was left in a deceitful marriage, two children who needed parents, and the fear of being alone.
So, you were both equally decietful toward each other. As to who did it first, that’s irrelevant, as you made your own choice at a time when you believed that he was " faithful ". That’s what important. You say that you wanted your married boink mate to leave his family and kids for you, and that, when he didn’t, you chose to stay with your husband. Please think about what that says about what you choose in your life, and why. You had another choice open to you, that of leaving, and being without either guy. But, by what you write, you didn’t want " the fear of being alone ". So, your needs were more important than the needs of either guy, not to mention the needs of your and his kids. Why is that your way ? We had both sinned, so we decided to stay together for the children. This lasted a year, no trust, arguments, I tried to ignore my feelings for the other man, but he kept calling, he was there when I needed to talk. My husband sensed this and left after exactly one year of our admission of adultery.
And, IMHO, he was quite correct to leave, as you were refusing to make the choice between the two guys that you *had* to make. So, he made it for you. Your surprise is directly related to your non concern about his needs in the marriage. Doesn’t he deserve to have his needs met, too ? Had you been seriously interested in re creating a marriage with your husband, you would have concentrated on that, and refused all contact with the boink mate. It has been 2 months since my husband moved away, and my pain and confusion has not stopped. I look after the children, and my husband helps out the best he can. My husband says he feels stronger now he has left. My friend still calls me, but he won’t leave his family. His wife knows nothing of his deceit. If he stopped calling over the past year, maybe I could have repaired my marriage and provided a family for the children. I don’t know what to do, I don’t feel very strong, I feel depressed most of the time,
Sure, ’cause you aren’t getting all that you want, withour regard to what is right, and what any other participant in this sorry train wreck wants, needs, or expects. What do you want ? Your husband, or this other guy ? You do realise that you can’t have both. Since the other guy is not going to leave his family ( the first smart choice he seems to have made ), then you have tow options. To divorce, and live as a single person, or to rebulid your marriage with your husband, which requires, among other things, that you *never* have any further contact with Mr. boink. Believe me that your husband will not believe you if you tell him that you and this guy are now " just pals ". And, he’ll be right. So, what do you really want ? And, are you willing to do *everything* that will be required to make it happen ? Andre — " The noblest achievement of the imagination is to make time run some other way, and terminate in beauty and forgivness " David Gelernter, " 1939 "
Response:
Staying in contact with him will only delay YOUR healing. For proof of this, read Claude’s letter. Make the break.
Where is Claude’s letter?
Response:
Well said Donna &Janie, Robert M. not – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – snip — There is a vast difference between putting your nose in other people’s business and putting your heart in other people’s problems. To reply via email replace "JLT_ALB" with "janiet" ICQ#22924224
Response:
If he stopped calling over the past year, maybe I could have repaired my marriage and provided a family for the children. I don’t know what to do, I don’t feel very strong, I feel depressed most of the time,
You know, Rosalie, one thing ‘leapt’ out at me from your and, believe me, I’m not saying this to jump all over you, but it seems that alot of your post has to do with stating/implying that what happened/is happening with you and your life was/is out of your control. And that’s a lie that you keep telling yourself and as long as you continue, you’re not going to heal or get strong. Emotional strength does not come in a flash just as spending an hour at a gym will not make you look like Arnold. It comes from taking responsibility for your decisions, figuring out *why* you made those decisions, figuring out how to keep from making bad decisions in the future, and from forgiving yourself for making those decisions. First, get this other guy out of your life. It’s true that you can’t stop him from calling you but you *can* stop *yourself* from talking to him. Believe me, a few times of being told ‘Sorry, I have nothing to say to you and don’t call me again,’ and being hung up on and people *will* stop calling. The thing with this is that you have to do it *every time* or it doesn’t work. Just one instance of staying on line to here their response or a ‘Well, I don’t have anyone ELSE to talk to, so I’ll talk to him just this once,’ and everything you’ve done before is worthless. Second, work on the depression and the ‘being strong.’ Therapy/counselling might help with that. If you don’t figure out why you felt that having an affair was ‘okay’, you’re possibly setting yourself up for making the same bad de- cision in your next relationship. Good luck Tracey
Response:
Yes. This sounds like a good suggestion to me. Both of you made mistakes. What about rebuilding? – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – left in a deceitful marriage, two children who needed parents, and the fear of being alone. We had both sinned, so we decided to stay together for the children. This lasted a year, no trust, arguments, I tried to ignore my feelings for the other man, but he kept calling, he was there when I needed to talk. My husband sensed this and left after exactly one year of our admission of adultery. It has been 2 months since my husband moved away, and my pain and confusion has not stopped. I look after the children, and my husband helps out the best he can. My husband says he feels stronger now he has left. Have you considered trying to work it out with your husband? it sounds as if you got too emotionally involved with this other guy, but that at the core of things you really still love your husband. He’s only been gone 2 months–you didn’t mention what the status of your separation is. Maybe you could sit down together, hash it out and come to some conclusions on how to put the guilt behind you and claim your life together again. Maybe the adultery doesn’t have to cause you such guilt? People do out of character things all the time, but if you 2 have learned adultery makes you miserable, why not use the lesson to rebuild your trust together? karen
Response:
Related Depression Posts