Depression Learning

Accepting help from friends

Question:

If you have any suggestions on how to work a more thorough step 2 and 3, I’d love to hear them.  

what i learned (and believe) is that: 1.  i wasnt going to get an "A" on my step work..for a long time     i thought i needed to work the step perfectly…i learned,     "this is not a test" 2.  how thorough i am is relative what i know to be true today…     i sometimes have a penchant for wanting things to be more than     they are right now.  i try not to worry too much about just     how thorough i am being unless, of course, i believe im     using the steps as a "cure" rather than believing that the     steps are a part of a life long process — tools that i     use over and over and over. 3.  i need to stay focused on the step on which im working, being     on "that" step rather than the step i may work next…working     the steps in the order they are written and not projecting     about what’s going to happen next. 4.  as for step two specifically, i learned a lot about different     powers greater than myself.  i got caught up in trying to make     steps two and three one step rather than simply working on     step two as it is written.  after a lot of practice with step     two, there came a day i was ready for step three…this     readiness seemed to be more determined by my practice than     it was "decided" by me.  while going over step two with my     sponsor, he reminded me that the disease was a power greater     than myself, too…i remember that distinctly because i     remember neglecting that fact to a certain degree.  i learned     these powers needed to be greater than my addiction, too.     also, that those powers be loving and caring.  i also     look up the words of each step in the dictionary. then i     considered what my own definitions of the words was.  i was     directed to try to find definitions and meanings that might     apply to a spiritual path.  in step two i looked up "believe"     and discovered that its roots are based in love…."lieve",     nordic, to love….so, i figured, be-friend, be-lieve, make     be-loved. understanding the word "believe" in this context     has made a difference in my personal commitment to myself     and step two…."i came to believe (deep in my heart, endeared)     that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.     i also looked up the word, "could"…the second step does     not say a power greater than ourselves can, does, or will     restore us to sanity..it says "could", as in a possibility..     i have discovered that a power greater than myself can, has,     and does restore me to sanity….that is based in my experience     of practicing the step as it is written. i also believe that     step two is what guides me to appropriate powers greater than     myself in matters unrelated to addiction…e.g. if my house     is falling down, i call a carpenter, leaks, a plumber, taxes,     an accountant, medical  problems, a doctor….step two tells     me that i dont know it all and to ask for help rather than     trying to fix everything by myself and to stop self-diagnosis. 5.  as for step three, i had to stop trying to predetermine what     was going to be "god as i understood him"…i kept working     with preconceived notions, trying to fit god into an under-     standing rather than letting the understanding happen as i     practiced steps one and two.  i was also afraid i was going     to turn into a religious nut or a cultist.  i was also afraid     i would not end up with a god that was not cool…you know,     i wanted to understand god as "great spirit" or something..     i thought that would be cool….well, my confusion and     frustration eventually superseded coolness so i let it go     an let an understanding happen rather than designing the     understanding.  it is not necessary that we "abandon" all     ideas of what we feel about a god we once knew….we may     even discover that we re-adopt some or our abandoned ideas.     for me, i had to "let it happen" and pay attn to what was     happening.  i havent turned into a religious nut or a cultist     yet. i could go on and on about all of this.  i have had a lot of time to practice.  i heard around the fellowship that we’re in "early" recovery for the first five years….i guess, when i look back at my recovery days, i can see how that is true. my main thing to tell you is that i believe in the steps as a way of life.  a way that i hope not to "graduate" from but apply to all my affairs as an ongoing process of recovery, maturity, and spiritual growth.  for some, the steps are enough… for others, there seems to be a need for more. i cannot and do not evaluate that…i dont have to live another’s life…i have to live with myself… i do believe that "keeping it simple" kind of implies that i need to be careful about too much input….as in "overload". that’s why i work with a sponsor and try to use simple material and simple tools… recovery is a discovery process…if i get stuck on something or discover something’s not "working" i may defer to other "materials"…..but i think it’s important to learn if what im using is working and how it’s working before i go to the library and take out every book on recovery…. considering my personality, that would only confuse me or give me an excuse to procrastinate. peace jim I have some books on that (too many books actually, if only owning books about the steps could work them for me), but it seems to be working much better for me to follow my sponsors guidance, and listen to how other people have worked those steps. Kevin

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