Depression Learning

6th hospital admission

Question:

Janet, I saw this post after I replied to your other one. I’m sorry for you that things are not better. Take it easy on the move, you don’t need extra stress making life and your IBD worse. Really think about this idea of moving right now. Do you have family there that can help you or are you moving away from help? Take care, you are in my prayers! NinaW

Response:

I just feel overwhelmed right now, like there is a big weight on my shoulders. I feel like I am burdening myself. I need control, to feel half alive.I’ve always been a warrior, a fighter, now it feels like I am losing. I have a really negative attitude right now, and thats bad, because I am always a happy person. One of the doctors that was treating me while I was in the hospital, was telling me that if I didnt have another scope(4th one in a year)that I could die, so I told him, people die everyday, I wouldnt be the first and I wouldnt be the last. I mean, how angry am I.Anyways, guys, thanks for listening, hope you are all well.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -4th stage….Depression. I am feeling so depressed right now. No matter how much my mother says she understands, she doesnt, I feel alone right now. Like what the heck. I must have really pissed God off, because I have so much on my plate right now. I am even considering moving to florida. Right. I know its not going to make a diffrence but I just want to run away. I know I am not going to get better, and its not going to make a diffrence, who knows it might get better. I want to be with somebody, to hold me, and just be there, I am tired of hearing healthy people, or even doctors to tell me I know what you are going through, or I understand, that agrivates me, I dont know maybe I am just being melodramatic, but I dont want to hear about it nothing, I am tired of talking about, I just want to pretend that nothing is wrong, I dont want to deal with it anymore, maybe then it will go away? I need to feel a little normal. I am confused. Hope you guys are well. Ciao, Janet

Dear Janet:   Boy have I ever been where you are right now.  Just as recently as the other day, as a matter of fact.  Look, we are stuck with these danged diseases that will  probably never go away, we can never eat normally, every where we go the first thing we must do is take note of where the bathroom is and if we are going to someones home, I’ve been known to bring my own air freshener or at least some matches as the sulfer smell can mask other nasty odors.  And if you are old enough to notice, even love making has a whole new system to it!  Yes, some days it gets overwhelmingly depressing.  On those days, I usually sort of take a break from the BS.  I mostly stay in bed, I do make sure to check my blood sugars and take my insulin and eat at least enough to keep those numbers right and then go right back to bed and watch TV.  Either regular programs or movies, I don’t care, just as long as I can take a day or two off.  I mean it, as silly as it sounds, it works, at least for me it does.  Because during those days whether it’s one day or four, I’ll call long distance and talk to my older sister, or maybe I’ll have a crying jag, I’ll eat sugar free ice cream (which isn’t too bad once you make your mind up that you have no choice there either, if you want to live!  LOL.)  Anyway, at those times everyone knows to just sorta leave me be and I’ll be okay after awhile.  Give it a try, it won’t make the disease go away, it just makes it a little bit easier to deal with from day to day for me.  Feel free to email me at those times too.  I’d be happy to listen.  Hang in there.  God’s not pissed at you, by the way.  This isn’t even His doing, but that’s a subject for another time.  Take care of your self, Princess.  Please keep in touch. Always,   Margie CD Class of 67 UC Class of 96

Response:

janet, susan is right.  you have to hang in there.  yes, what you are feeling is normal.  it seems to take forever.  you are right, well people that don’t have this disease have no concept, but remember, they are trying to be supportive.  surround yourself with supportive and helpful people.  it is not just in word, it has to be in deed.  people like this make all the difference in the world.  when i was sick for so long, i tuned words out, they met nothing.  touch, hugs, people doing things for you, cooking or waiting on you at times, this is how you measure support.  it will get you thru.  tell people what you need and let them do it for you.  sometimes they just don’t know, but you can tell them.  i hope this helps, i will keep you in my thoughts, jeff

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Janet these are normal feelings.  I had them a couple years ago where I was real badly depressed too.  I didn’t think I would ever gain a remission esp. after my resection surgery didn’t give me one.  But it can happen. It took me a long time to feel well and it will come to you too.  Don’t be afraid to talk to your dr about depression or even counseling or antidepressants to help you through this.  Try to do things more for yourself that makes you happy.  It will improve for you and you will feel like you are back in control of your life again.  I wish I could do or say more to make it easier for you but this is all I have is to tell you it can happen to you like it has for me.  I call it my remission because it is how I feel compared to how I felt.  I have had one major flare up and that was when all the hurricanes came in back to back and totally stressed me out this season.  I hope you feel better real soon. UM MOM Susan 4th stage….Depression. I am feeling so depressed right now. No matter how much my mother says she understands, she doesnt, I feel alone right now. Like what the heck. I must have really pissed God off, because I have so much on my plate right now. I am even considering moving to florida. Right. I know its not going to make a diffrence but I just want to run away. I know I am not going to get better, and its not going to make a diffrence, who knows it might get better. I want to be with somebody, to hold me, and just be there, I am tired of hearing healthy people, or even doctors to tell me I know what you are going through, or I understand, that agrivates me, I dont know maybe I am just being melodramatic, but I dont want to hear about it nothing, I am tired of talking about, I just want to pretend that nothing is wrong, I dont want to deal with it anymore, maybe then it will go away? I need to feel a little normal. I am confused. Hope you guys are well. Ciao, Janet

Response:

Janet these are normal feelings.  I had them a couple years ago where I was real badly depressed too.  I didn’t think I would ever gain a remission esp. after my resection surgery didn’t give me one.  But it can happen. It took me a long time to feel well and it will come to you too.  Don’t be afraid to talk to your dr about depression or even counseling or antidepressants to help you through this.  Try to do things more for yourself that makes you happy.  It will improve for you and you will feel like you are back in control of your life again.  I wish I could do or say more to make it easier for you but this is all I have is to tell you it can happen to you like it has for me.  I call it my remission because it is how I feel compared to how I felt.  I have had one major flare up and that was when all the hurricanes came in back to back and totally stressed me out this season.  I hope you feel better real soon. UM MOM Susan

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – 4th stage….Depression. I am feeling so depressed right now. No matter how much my mother says she understands, she doesnt, I feel alone right now. Like what the heck. I must have really pissed God off, because I have so much on my plate right now. I am even considering moving to florida. Right. I know its not going to make a diffrence but I just want to run away. I know I am not going to get better, and its not going to make a diffrence, who knows it might get better. I want to be with somebody, to hold me, and just be there, I am tired of hearing healthy people, or even doctors to tell me I know what you are going through, or I understand, that agrivates me, I dont know maybe I am just being melodramatic, but I dont want to hear about it nothing, I am tired of talking about, I just want to pretend that nothing is wrong, I dont want to deal with it anymore, maybe then it will go away? I need to feel a little normal. I am confused. Hope you guys are well. Ciao, Janet

Response:

4th stage….Depression. I am feeling so depressed right now. No matter how much my mother says she understands, she doesnt, I feel alone right now. Like what the heck. I must have really pissed God off, because I have so much on my plate right now. I am even considering moving to florida. Right. I know its not going to make a diffrence but I just want to run away. I know I am not going to get better, and its not going to make a diffrence, who knows it might get better. I want to be with somebody, to hold me, and just be there, I am tired of hearing healthy people, or even doctors to tell me I know what you are going through, or I understand, that agrivates me, I dont know maybe I am just being melodramatic, but I dont want to hear about it nothing, I am tired of talking about, I just want to pretend that nothing is wrong, I dont want to deal with it anymore, maybe then it will go away? I need to feel a little normal. I am confused. Hope you guys are well. Ciao, Janet

Response:

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