Depression Learning

100 things people say to depressives

Question:

Copied from another group: 1. "Will you stop that constant whining?" 2. "What makes you think that anyone cares?" 3. "Have you gotten tired yet of all this me-me-me stuff?" 4. "You just need to give yourself a kick in the rear." 5. "But it’s all in your mind." 6. "I thought you were stronger than that." 7. "No one ever said life was fair." 8. "As you get stronger you won’t have to wallow in it as much." 9. "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps." 10. "Do you feel better now?" (Usually said following a five minute conversation in which the speaker has asked me "what’s wrong?" and "would you like to talk about it?" with the best of intentions, but absolutely no under-standing of depression as anything but an irrational sadness.) 11. "Why don’t you just grow up?" 12. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself." 13. "There are a lot of people worse off than you?" 14. "You have it so good, why aren’t you happy?" 15. "It’s a beautiful day!" 16. "You have so many things to be thankful for, why are you depressed!" 17. "What do you have to be depressed about". 18. "Happiness is a choice" 19. "You think *you’ve* got problems…" 20. "Well at least it’s not that bad." 21. "Maybe you should take vitamins for your stress." 22. "There is always somebody worse off than you are." 23. "Lighten up!" 24. "You should get off all those pills." 25. "You are what you think." 26. "Cheer up!" 27. "You’re always feeling sorry for yourself." 28. "Why can’t you just be normal?" 29. "Things aren’t *that* bad, are they?" 30. "Have you been praying/reading the Bible?" 31. "You need to get out more." 32. "We have to get together some time." [Yeah, right!] 33. "Get a grip!" 34. "Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." 35. "Take a hot bath. That’s what I always do when I’m upset." 36. "Well, everyone gets depressed sometimes!" 37. "Get a job!" 38. "Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone." 39. "You don’t *look* depressed!" 40. "You’re so selfish!" 41. "You never think of anyone but yourself." 42. "You’re just looking for attention." 43. "Have you got PMS?" 44. "You’ll be a better person because of it!" 45. "Everybody has a bad day now and then." 46. "You should buy nicer clothes to wear." 47. "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." 48. "Why don’t you smile more?" 49. "A person your age should be having the time of your life." 50. "The only one you’re hurting is yourself." 51. "You can do anything you want if you just set your mind to it." 52. "This is a place of BUSINESS, not a HOSPITAL" (usually after confiding to supervisor about depression) 53. "Depression is a symptom of your sin against God." (usually by a "caring" Christian) 54. "You brought it on yourself" 55. "You can make the choice for depression and its effects, or against depression, it’s all in YOUR hands." 56. "Get off your rear and do something." -or- "Just do it!" 57. "Why should I care?" 58. "Snap out of it, will you?" 59. "You *want* to feel this way." 60. "You have no reason to feel this way." 61. "Its your own fault." 62. "That which does not kill us makes us stronger." 63. "You’re always worried about *your* problems." 64. "Your problems aren’t that big." 65. "What are you worried about? You should be fine." 66. "Just don’t think about it." 67. "Go Away." 68. "You don’t have the ability to do it." 69. "Just wait a few weeks, it’ll be over soon." 70. "Go out and have some fun!" 71. "You’re making me depressed as well…" 72. "I just want to help you." 73. "The world out there is not that bad…" 74. "Just try a little harder!" 75. "Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days." 76. "You need a boy/girl-friend." 77. "You need a hobby." 78. "Just pull yourself together" 79. "You’d feel better if you went to church" 80. "I think your depression is a way of punishing us." (Parents to depressed teenagers) 81. "Sh*t or get off the pot." 82. "So, you’re depressed. Aren’t you always?" 83. "What you need is some real tragedy in your life to give you perspective." 84. "Become a writer,  Just think of all the good material you’re getting out of this." 85. : "Our thoughts and prayers are with you."This one is best executed with an evangelical-style handshake, i.e. one of your hands is imprisoned by two belonging to a beefy person who thinks he has a lot more charisma than you do 86. "Have you tried camomile tea?" 87. "So, you’re depressed. Aren’t you always?" 88. "You will be ok, just hang in there, it will pass." 89. "Oh, perk up!" 90. "Try not being so depressed." 91. "Quit whining. Go out and help people and you won’t have time to brood…" 92. "Go out and get some fresh air… that always makes me feel better." 93. "You have to take up your bed and carry on." 94. "Why don’t you give up going to these quacks (i.e. doctors) and throw out those pills, then you’ll feel better." 95. "Well, we all have our cross to bear." 96. "You should join band or chorus or something. That way you won’t be thinking about yourself so much." 97. "You change your mind." 98. "You’re useless." 99. "Nobody is responsible for your depression." 100. "You don’t like feeling that way? So, change it. What’s *your* problem?" Bri — All truth goes through three steps: First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Finally, it is accepted as self-evident. –Arthur Schopenhauer

Response:

Copied from another group: 1. "Will you stop that constant whining?"

<snip Many people still don’t believe it when we tell them we were / are depressed.  They think it’s a passing phase – sometimes it is, sometimes it sure as hell isn’t. Nobody has a true clue about depression until they’ve been in it for 6 months or more – staying at home, compulsive / impulsive, watching TV and sleeping the rest of the time, with no focus, no energy, etc. … … and not knowing what is behind it. Cypherpunk Anonymous Asshole     *** Stampin’, Computin’, ‘n’ Prog Music ***         Who is NOT anonymous – Why Are You? * Reply To Is Wrong – Check My Real Address Above *

Response:

One thing we really do need to do is stop judging ourselves and others. I can’t expect people to say the right thing. And I cant judge them when they struggle for something encouraging to say, only to leave me with a worn out cliche’.

Response:

Copied from another group:

<respectively snipped Bri — All truth goes through three steps: First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Finally, it is accepted as self-evident. –Arthur Schopenhauer

Bill

Response:

92. "Go out and get some fresh air… that always makes me feel better." It does… and I just did! Of course I’d never venture outside if I was

depressed… I think the reason most of these gems are so insidious is because many of them have a grain of truth in them, in the right circumstances. Bri — All truth goes through three steps: First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Finally, it is accepted as self-evident. –Arthur Schopenhauer

Response:

92. "Go out and get some fresh air… that always makes me feel better." Bri

It does… and I just did! Of course I’d never venture outside if I was depressed… Me

Response:

92. "Go out and get some fresh air… that always makes me feel better." It does… and I just did! Of course I’d never venture outside if I was depressed… I think the reason most of these gems are so insidious is because many of them have a grain of truth in them, in the right circumstances.

yup… even the ones that say " you’re always feeling sorry for yourself" or " you’re just being selfish"… i mean i feel like when i say those things to myself, i honestly feel there is a little truth to it. Bill

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Copied from another group: 1. "Will you stop that constant whining?" <snip Many people still don’t believe it when we tell them we were / are depressed.  They think it’s a passing phase – sometimes it is, sometimes it sure as hell isn’t. Nobody has a true clue about depression until they’ve been in it for 6 months or more – staying at home, compulsive / impulsive, watching TV and sleeping the rest of the time, with no focus, no energy, etc. … … and not knowing what is behind it.

I agree with you.  A lot of times, I feel like we get a lot of those people without a clue as to what depression really is visiting here because of an event that will pass shortly, in other words, they are just feeling low, not depressed. some even decide to stick around for a long time for some reason over posting and stuff like that about nothing to do with depression whatsoever…. irritates me at times. Bill

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Copied from another group: 1. "Will you stop that constant whining?" <snip Many people still don’t believe it when we tell them we were / are depressed.  They think it’s a passing phase – sometimes it is, sometimes it sure as hell isn’t. Nobody has a true clue about depression until they’ve been in it for 6 months or more – staying at home, compulsive / impulsive, watching TV and sleeping the rest of the time, with no focus, no energy, etc. … … and not knowing what is behind it. I agree with you.  A lot of times, I feel like we get a lot of those people without a clue as to what depression really is visiting here because of an event that will pass shortly, in other words, they are just feeling low, not depressed. some even decide to stick around for a long time for some reason over posting and stuff like that about nothing to do with depression whatsoever…. irritates me at times.

Can understand the irritation. Most people need to vent and newsgroups allow them to vent. Depression isn’t a science as of yet.  Not, say, like diabetes or cancer.  Those can be seen.  Depression is a hiden disease, of sorts. Many people also look down on those with it, saying it’s an excuse for what’s going on or not going on in someone’s life. Having been hit in the back of the head with depression, totally out of the blue and not knowing what it is, I too was one of the irritators until I got a "clue".  This was through 18 months with a psychologist – my choice to do so. I’m clean 21 years and was 17+ when this hit me.  No booze, no drugs. I decided to put my life in the hands of a higher power – God and my doctors. It has helped me tremendously.  Now – trying to kick ADs will take 2 weeks out fo my life – worth it – the jury’s still out. Do I now have a clue – you betcha… Do I care what others think of my condition – nope.  Others don’t have any idea about their lives – but I believe I have a good one. Cypherpunk Anonymous Asshole     *** Stampin’, Computin’, ‘n’ Prog Music ***         Who is NOT anonymous – Why Are You? * Reply To Is Wrong – Check My Real Address Above *

Response:

yup… even the ones that say " you’re always feeling sorry for

yourself"… But who DOESN’T feel sorry for themselves at times? Bri — All truth goes through three steps: First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Finally, it is accepted as self-evident. –Arthur Schopenhauer

Response:

92. "Go out and get some fresh air… that always makes me feel better." It does… and I just did! Of course I’d never venture outside if I was depressed… I think the reason most of these gems are so insidious is because many of them have a grain of truth in them, in the right circumstances. Bri

Yet isn’t it the "right circumstances" of which we are speaking? I don’t know of anyone who is depressed forever. You can’t do anything when you are depressed, that is established, but you can do one hell of a lot when you aren’t depressed to improve quality of life. In a nutshell, everything that I have to say that can be considered "gee up politics" must be seen in the light of what you can do when you can. Seizing the opportunities that may not always be apparent when habit rears it’s ugly head. Pulling oneself together, ONLY WHEN ONE CAN. It is the thin line between laziness and disease. To be challenged is not to be insulted… unless you are an invalid. We are, all of us, only part time invalids… Me

Response:

99 of these things have never been said to me. The only exception is "snap out of it". But that was said by someone who was angry at me. Maybe I never hear them because I don’t talk about my depressions that much. But still. And like some others said, going outside does help if you have the slightest bit of energy and it’s not to a crowded shopping street.

Response:

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