Depression Learning

Grieving and Depression

Grieving can lead to depression, if individuals don’t process their grief in a healthy way. Normally, the bereaved go through seven stages of grief. Everyone may not experience the stages of grief in the same way. Sadly, even when death is expected, it may still come as a shock to you when a loved one passes away. Your initial reaction may be shock and denial. Many grieving people deny the reality of death to avoid the pain associated with grief. The sadness associated with grieving is not necessarily depression. You may be depressed over the death of a loved one, but intense sadness is a normal response.

As time goes on after the death, one normally suffers unbearable pain and guilt. If you are grieving for a loved one, it is important to express what you are feeling, rather than keeping it inside. The feelings of guilt are usually unfounded. You might feel guilty for not going to visit “Aunt Jane” just one more time, or you might feel guilty because you and a loved one had a disagreement that never was resolved. It’s important to talk about any feelings of remorse, or internal pain and suffering. To stuff these feelings can and often does lead to prolonged grieving and depression.

The third stage of grieving is anger and bargaining. People often feel the need to blame someone with the death of a loved one. Usually the person to get blamed for a loved one dying is the one or ones that didn’t spend very much time with the decedent. Sometimes, if there are sibling rivalries, the family members will harbor hurt feelings toward each other, and may even lay responsibility for the death on each other. Sometimes there is no anger, but there is bargaining. There are individuals who will ask God to bring their loved one back. The person may promise God, or his/her higher power, anything to get the loved one back. When the bargaining doesn’t work, there may be despair and anguish. There may also be a deepening of depression symptoms.

The next stage is loneliness, depression and reflection. Grief starts taking its toll for awhile. This profound sadness is a very real part of the grieving process, and it needs to be experienced. You may have friends and family telling you that your loved one is “in a better place,” or “in peace.” This kind of help isn’t helpful at this stage. At this stage, your thoughts are not so much about where your loved one is, but that your loved one is missing from your life. At this stage you mourn the loss, and feel the emptiness. This stage will pass; however, some people stay stuck in this stage much longer than most, which makes for longer periods of depression.

As you pass into the fifth stage of grieving, you begin to cope with the loss of the loved one. Your life is beginning to feel normal again. The depression that hung around you like a dark cloud is lifting. Your life begins to make sense again. The fifth stage blends into the sixth stage of grieving. If you are a wife who has lost a husband or partner, you have to eventually accept the loss and move on. You begin to find normalcy in life again. You work through the issues that have resulted from the loss of your loved one.

Finally, the last stage is acceptance of the loss and hope for the future. You come to terms with reality and move on to a happier way of life. You may not find joy and happiness right away, but little by little you will notice your present reality is getting brighter. You may notice a sunset for the first time and find yourself in awe of the beauty.

As depression sets in over the first stages of grief chemical messengers, called neurotransmitters, get out of balance. The neurotransmitters change your thinking, your sleep patterns, and your moods. When you begin to accept and look forward everyday life, your mood begins to lighten, and the depression lifts as the brain’s neurotransmitters begin to come into balance.

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